Why does some people think women at home

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Why does some people think women at home
1494
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 1:02am
should do it all? I hear this and think why should a woman at home do every thing? Shouldn't it be whatever works? Shouldn't it be whatever floats the boat of the married couple? Confused on this thinking.

If you are home do you do it all? How does your DH or SO feel?

WOH do you do it all or do you split it? Do you do more or less since you WOH?

IQM

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 11:18am
LOL.. Does that mean since my husbands paycheck actually goes into my bank account, that I make the rules? (just a joke)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 11:19am
Absolutely.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 11:24am
That's not necessarily common though. My dh is an extremely involved father regardless of my work status. (And I've switched so I know) Just because, as you've said before, your dh has to be pushed into being involved doesn't mean all fathers have to have that incentive to be involved.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 11:26am
I was joking, and I do agree with you...but it could go to the extreme....if your spouse leaves something out/dirty etc....do you leave it because it's his mess or do you see something that needs to be done and pitch in and help?

From your posts it seems like your marriage is all about "equal" to the extreme. What if your job was harder than your dh's would he then have to "do more" around the house? Why does everything have to be so equal?

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 11:26am
Yes. That is the other half of the equation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 11:28am
Ya know, that makes me very sad. It also makes me extremely grateful I have the husband I do have. None of these issues of power or money have *ever* come up, and I've never even had an inkling of a problem with him being an involved parent. Giving up the "reins" has never been an issue, and most of these power struggle/parent in charge issues are completely foreign to me. I guess that's why I can't speak to them (shrug) I hope I never ever ever have to!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 11:29am
see the whole "need to be equal" thing really baffles me. We're a partnership, a team...we work towards a common goal. It doesn't mean that we each work certain hours or we each do xxx amount of household tasks. We do what works.

I can say throughout our marriage we've had times where we've worked about the same, where I worked more than him and now where he works more than I do. It doesn't always have to be equal. It just all has to come together to make the family run smoothly....and if you're happy at the end of the day, it's working.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 11:34am
while I wouldn't "enjoy" dh watching tv at night....I wouldn't mind if he was doing something with the children.(and after my daughter was in bed, I would be happy to see him relaxing after a day's work)

By having someone come in and clean, I can do things with my daughter. He looks at the big picture....Mom does less housework, daughter gets more attention....

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 11:34am
Don't have to. All you have to do is open your eyes and add up the time people actually spend cleaning!! How many hours does it take to clean a house?? Let's see, my housekeeper cleans two a day in addition to her own. Nope, not a full time job to clean one. Oh and she does this with her 2 yo under foot so it's not even a full time job with a toddler. All you have to do is start adding up what you do.

Laundry: 5 minutes to load, 5 minutes to transfer to the dryer and 15 minutes to fold times the number of loads you do a week.

30-45 minutes to clean a bathroom top to bottom times the number of times you do it in a week.

etc, etc, etc...

We are not living in my grandmothers day when SAH was a full time job and then some. We don't scrub clothes on wash boards any more and starch and iron everything. We don't walk to market daily to get our fresh goods. We don't have to bake our own bread from scratch. We have no stick pots and pans, no wax floors and permanent press fabrics. We buy canned tomato sauce instead of growing our own tomatoes and canning them ourselves. They took the work out of housework about 40 years ago!! Why do you think that today's WM spends MORE time with her kids than SAHM's did in the 1950's?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 11:41am
amazing I have that same sense of "responsibility" just a different kind...and I don't see how spending time with your children is "goofing off".

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