Why does some people think women at home

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Why does some people think women at home
1494
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 1:02am
should do it all? I hear this and think why should a woman at home do every thing? Shouldn't it be whatever works? Shouldn't it be whatever floats the boat of the married couple? Confused on this thinking.

If you are home do you do it all? How does your DH or SO feel?

WOH do you do it all or do you split it? Do you do more or less since you WOH?

IQM

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 11:45am
but why compare two different things? comparing apples to oranges? Doesn't make sense...it's how it all comes together that really matters.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 11:45am
Every generation of my family (at least on my mom's side) has had this issue, going back at least to my great-grandparents. The wives who had money of their own were just better off, because they had more power. I just can't believe others haven't experienced it (I do believe you though - don't take this as a personal challenge) - c'mon people, I can't be the only one?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 11:47am
They could be equal in many different ways....income and education aren't the only way to "value" a person or their contribution.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 11:49am
Well, the ability to not work while your DH works his butt off baffles me. To each their own.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 11:51am
You're right, and for some of us, it doesn't come together unless it's more or less equal.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 11:51am
So how do you define equality? Needs and wants equally respected?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 11:58am
There are times where my DH pulls the "I work way too hard to not be able to spend my money the way I want" card. But then I point out to him that the bills in this house are not *mine* they are ours.

I think I would have a very hard time spending any money on myself if I was not bring some of it in. I don't doubt though that others would disagree with me. Heck, I bring in a lot of the money in this house, but still have trouble spending it on *myself*.

I remember as a child, when my mom was a SAHM, that she never had anything of her own, she was always looking for ways to pinch pennies, etc. Things didn't really *equal* out in the house until she started working.

If a woman has a means to make income, an education to fall back on, etc. she definitely has more *power* than a woman who does not (even if the woman with the means doesn't have an income during a period of her life.) The fact remains that in the event of divorce, death, whatever, the woman stands to lose quite a bit of financial freedom, standing, standard of living, etc. That to me is where the inequality of power lies. True power and equality has to mean that the person who is left can continue to live in much the same way. Life is too uncertain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 11:59am
Thank you. I thought I was whistling in the wind there for a while.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 12:28pm
Do you realize while you buy canned sauce others of us are growing our own produce and making fresh? Do you realize while you buy your bread at the market or bakery others of us are rolling out, kneading, waiting for our breads & rolls to rise & bake? Do you realize while you buy canned or frozen varieties of vegetables at the market others of us are growing, canning, freezing our own produce? Do you realize while you buy a package of snack cakes, a frozen pie, or if you won't to go a real adventure open a pillsbury cake mix to bake a cake others of us are making our desserts for nightly dinners starting from scratch (no boxes or premixes to start)? Do you realize while you go to the market or bakery for donuts or cin buns others of us are making ours from scratch? While uncommon in this day & age yes, you still can't downplay that there are women in the kitchen for hours every week working on these tasks for the good of their family (my opinion).

ChefsDozen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 12:55pm
But thats the crux of the debate here! The point being, why is it dad *working his butt off* and mom is just being lazy at home? Do people really and truly think that sahps are just sitting on their a$$es all day? And I still dont get how providing fun and educational opportunities for my children (which is something I would require of ANY dc provider I hired) is seen as *goofing off*, but if I were paying someone to do the exact same thing, its different. I mean, did I WANT to go to the zoo for the umpteenth time yesterday? Hell no. Did I want to break out the fingerpaints and then have to clean it up? Not. Sometimes what is SEEN as *goofing off* is just as much of a job as going to an office-but its not paid work. So non paid work basically has no value in the eyes of many here.

My personal view is that if someone thinks that working status is going to change their equality in marriage, they have issues with their own self-worth. My sense of equality and independence has never been challenged by my work status. My dh's view of me has never changed with my work status. In fact, the times he stays home with the kids (there is a 2 week period in the summer where he is primary caretaker, I have a seasonal business with my brothers that takes 12 hrs of my day during that time) he ALWAYS says he is reminded of just how hard it is to do what I do day after day, and how much he respects me for being able to do it.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

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