Why does some people think women at home

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Why does some people think women at home
1494
Sat, 06-07-2003 - 1:02am
should do it all? I hear this and think why should a woman at home do every thing? Shouldn't it be whatever works? Shouldn't it be whatever floats the boat of the married couple? Confused on this thinking.

If you are home do you do it all? How does your DH or SO feel?

WOH do you do it all or do you split it? Do you do more or less since you WOH?

IQM

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 12:55pm
OK, so they are still doing it that way - it is their choice. It's not necessary for the family unit like it was generations ago. And some women can contribute much more to their families financially than their grandmothers could.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 12:58pm
So riddle me this. When the day comes that dh and I retire, and its MY investments that fuel our retirement, whose time will be more valuable then? Whose plans will come second then?

Its really not always that cut and dried. Sometimes there just isnt a bottom line.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 1:02pm
That post is directed at those whose children are not special needs, who do not have 3 children under age 5, and/or who have regular help with children and house while not working outside the home. I was thinking of trip59 when I posted this - her kids are 10 and 13, and she'd really rather work fewer than, I believe, 30 hours. But she can't understand a lawyer not wanting to put in 60 hours a week to make big bucks. I'm pretty sure she said her DH works at least 60 hours. How is that not a situation in which mom is clearly having it wayyyy easier than dad?

So yeah, some SAHMs do have it pretty cushy (obviously, others don't). I wouldn't if I SAH and I'm not saying you do. But please don't tell me taking the kids to the zoo is exhausting like mental or physical labor - boring, maybe, important, definitely, but not HARD!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 1:05pm
oh for crying out loud. fresh tomato sauce takes about two minutes of additional effort, and you can put up a year's supply of that, salsa, and chile in an afternoon (leaving you to merely empty the jar of homemade instead of the jar of prego). even rising bread takes twenty minutes of hands-on time and attention. my mother did it all while holding down a job, and i do a good share of it while holding down a job. it's more than a bit tiresome listening to all the born-agains raving about how time consuming it is to clip coupons and "cook from scratch," especially when so many people are doing it after work rather than instead of work.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 1:05pm
Yep, I do all of that, plus woh, plus clean my house. I have to admit that I've given up on the bread since their are any number of markets where I can buy fantastic artisan loaves that are every bit as good as homeade, baked fresh, everyday. Besides, I thought your maid did the cooking and marketing? Any chef worth their salt doesn't send anyone else to the market, cooks like to pick out their own produce, own meats and fish, etc. What kind of great cook would send someone else to the market?

My family has never tasted jarred sauce in their lives, but I really don't think it would kill them if they did. I like to cook as a hobby, but in all honesty, with the great quality markets selling prepared meals, a family can eat just as well (albeit more expensively) if mom doesn't have the time or inclination to cook.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 1:07pm
I agree, in some marriages the power is shared. If one person has no financial wherewithal at any time, that person is less powerful.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 1:10pm
Well, I wouldn't say mom is being lazy, but I know full well that when I spent every summer day at the beach with my girlfriends and all the kids, it was considerably less work than my husband performed at the office every day. I was thankful for every moment and every day that I was home vs. at work because yes, it was a WHOLE LOT easier, and more fun, and relaxing. No doubt about it.

And I certainly didn't leave him any housework to finish up when he got home. I managed to drag my butt off the beach chair early enough to get everything done so that he wouldn't have to do it after "family time" at 11:00 at night or on his weekends off.


Edited 6/17/2003 1:14:08 PM ET by trip59

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 1:17pm
Going to the zoo, per se, is not *hard*. But being with children all day every day, IS mentally draining. To be *on* all the time, to have people *needing* things from you all the time, its not like I can go in my office and shut the door and tell my assistant to hold my calls for 20 minutes while I re-group. There are days when I feel like I would like to just have ONE hour where I dont have to TALK to anyone. 1 full hour without speaking.....

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 1:19pm
But in my case, my husband would work those hours whether he had a family or not, and we simply don't truly need my additional income. I was thinking that your husband might want to work more hours if you WANTED to stay home. Since you don't, yes, there is no need for it. I also don't have, nor have I ever had a nanny, and I've almost always done all the housework.

I can tell you one thing, since I'll be home all summer (ONE more day!!!), you can bet my husband won't have to lift a finger. I know that I'm going to have a much easier summer than he is, and I'm not the ungrateful type.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Tue, 06-17-2003 - 1:21pm
"To be *on* all the time, to have people *needing* things from you all the time" Sounds just like a teaching job...

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