Why SAHMs and WOHMs will never get along, insert Lol

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Why SAHMs and WOHMs will never get along, insert Lol
14
Mon, 05-26-2014 - 7:39am

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/janie-porter/the-stayathome-mom-conspi_b_5329634.html

Leave it to huffingtonpost to find a story like this but I love this perspective, Don't ever complain about your day to a mom that doesn't understand. 

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009

I think that when people casually ask, "How are you doing?"  That they hardly ever really want to know.  The socially correct answer is some version of "Fine, thanks.  And you?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009

 This like so ,many "SAH is so much harder than I imagined" stories are about the infant  stage.  That stage can be hard regardless of work status.  It is not SAH or WOH that is hard it is having an infant that is hard.   If I would have returned to work when my kids were young my life would have been different but not necessarily easier or harder.  It would have been  a bit of both. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2013

Exactly Empty. Once the kids get older, it is not the same and not as difficult. If you are a SAHM with kids in school, you can NOT compare yourself to the mother with an infant who is up all night and going all day long changing diapers, feeding, etc. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2013

See, here's what I don't get.  when someone you presumably actually CARE about tells you they're having a hard time, even if your life is different and your perspective seems like their life would be WAY easier, what does it cost you to say, "Wow, I'm sorry; is there anything I could do to help?"  Do we really require our loved ones to mimic our lives before we can hear them say, "I'm struggling" and actually want to support them, even if the best we can manage is to listen and refill their coffee or tea (or wine)?

My DIL is a SAHM.  I'm a WOH woman with grown children.  I drive 50 miles door to door and I work nights.  When I was sick recently, my DIL went to the grocery store for me and got me stuff for a BRAT diet for a couple days and left the stuff on my kitchen patio (so she wouldn't chance getting the virus herself.  It's not like she didn't have things to do herself, having a newborn at home and a child in all day kindergarten.  But she made the time for me.

And when she was in the hospital, I took days off to be home with my older DGS because that's what was needed.  I sat through a three hour elementary school musical which was both adorable and awful and my DGS1 LOVED because my son and DIL had only just gotten home from the hospital, but my DGS1 needed some special time for himself, too.

Which isn't supposed to sound all rah rah for us, even though even to me it kind of reads that way. But isn't that what family and friends are SUPPOSED to do?  Regardless of our employement status?

I would be awfully ashamed of myself if I thought my SAH friends were undeserving of my support, sympathy and love when they are struggling, even if what they struggle over is something I think should be easy for them.  They are my friends or my family.  I care about them.  If I can't listen and offer a shoulder.....what good am I?   

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Had no idea Emma Thompson would re-ignite some debate there too, Lol.

 


 


Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001

emptynester2009 wrote:
<p> This like so ,many "SAH is so much harder than I imagined" stories are about the infant  stage.  That stage can be hard regardless of work status.  It is not SAH or WOH that is hard it is having an infant that is hard.   If I would have returned to work when my kids were young my life would have been different but not necessarily easier or harder.  It would have been  a bit of both. </p>

I think easy and hard are very subjective terms, What is easy for you or hard for you may not be to somebody else and visa versa.  I've always said my mother made motherhood look easy.  I do think her being at home factored into that, Why wouldn't it?  Times were simpler then too, There weren't the rushes (or dare I say need) to have it all, do it all. 

 


 


Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001

I think we adapt.  I liked the toddler stages and I like the ages my kids are at now too.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/janie-porter/the-stayathome-mom-conspi_b_5329634.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.huffingtonpost.com/janie-porter/the-stayathome-mom-conspi_b_5329634.html</a></p><p>Leave it to huffingtonpost to find a story like this but I love this perspective, Don't ever complain about your day to a mom that doesn't understand.  </p>

I've done both, heck....you have done both, when will you realize that there are pros and cons to both choices?  That's what's funny....after all these years, that point is still missed.  

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998

jamblessedthree wrote:
<p>I think we adapt.  I liked the toddler stages and I like the ages my kids are at now too.</p>

I agree, I think we adapt and the stage that the author is in at the moment can be tough, sah or working.  I think my favorite stage was toddlers as well, although I am greatly enjoying the stage my kids are at now.  I love being able to have real and honest discussions with them and watching them find their own path in the world.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2011

I know lots of SAHMs and WOHMs who get along just fine, actually.

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