Why should I support someone else?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Why should I support someone else?
4426
Sat, 12-30-2006 - 1:24pm

Let me start by saying that I"m new here so this may have already been discussed, but this has come up in my office several times and I wanted to get some other views of this.

I do payroll for a rather small company so I know most of the workers and their wives (most of the workers are men due to the nature of our business). There are two in particular who's wives SAH. These two are up to their eyeballs in debt. I have bill collectors constantly calling for them. That part is really their business, it is annoying but I enjoy being rude back to the bill collectors, lol.

The part that bothers me is that both wives have been in the office wanting copies of X amount of check stubs so that they can go and get public assistance (I know because they told me that is what it is for)! Why should my tax money go so that these women can SAH? I know that not all families that one parent stays at home are like this, but I know lots that are. Heck, growing up we were always broke because my mother refused to work, but we weren't on any public assistance.

So, why should I pay for a woman to SAH? Why can't she go and get a job to support her family just like anyone else?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 10:22am

I'll tell you one of the big things I have against both cell phones and I-Pods for younger teens....and it's the loss of the parental "gate-keeper" role.

My 14 y/o son is quite popular at his school. Around 7/8ths of the phone calls in our home are for him right now. And because one of the parents usually answers, we know who he is talking with and for how long. His friends are forced to interact with us, if only "Hi, Ms. H, this is Abby Sue, is Baby Einstein there?" If it's regular callers, we get a bit of, "Oh Abby, he's outside, let me get him....by the way, you were great in the play last night." "Thanks, Ms. H., it was a whole lot of fun. Those cookies you sent in for Valentine's Day were great, too." In short, there's a bit of a relationship, and I have quite a handle on my son's social life. I know who is calling and how long they are talking. If he had his own cell at this age, I'd lose that. Sure, I could check his phone and see what numbers he was calling and what numbers were calling him and how many minutes he was using, but it's not the same thing.

Same issue with I-Pods....the music he has now, I can see the CDs coming in, I know what artists he is listening to, I can listen to the lyrics and initiate conversations about questionable stuff....it's really a lot different with the I-Pod. Even if I check his playlist, I have to listen on purpose, and it feels like snooping to him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 12:09pm
I am sooo excited to get it. I would have waited forever to get the one I really wanted so I very much appreciate that my dh is buying it for me with his extra money he made. I'll let you know when I get it!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 12:10pm
My mom was a sahm for 19 years. She was lucky to get a job with "old" skills.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 12:26pm

You seem to think that mental illness is something that is "all in people's heads..."

Let me see....if my husband were having difficulty climbing stairs without getting out of breath and experiencing chest pains, I might tell him, "Look, you are exhibiting classic signs of heart disease, would you PLEASE go get checked?"

If my child was having difficulty reading small print, sat too close to the TV, and rubbed his eyes a lot, I might think, "Hmmm....since both his father and I have vision problems, could he be nearsighted? Maybe I'd better get him checked.

And if *poof* my husband were found to have blocked arteries, or my kid needed glasses, would it be a "everyone thinks I have heart disease, so I must," or "everyone thinks I am nearsighted so I must be" mentality at work?

Why would mental illness be any different? If a person is exhibiting symptoms commonly associated with say, paranoid schizophrenia, and that person goes to a shrink who finds paranoid schizophrenia, why would you consider that a bogus, socially or culturally imposed diagnosis as opposed to the first two medical diagnoses?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 12:58pm
apples and oranges,imo..doctors have a lot more digging in the brain to do before more people come to agreeable terms about mental illness.....i can tell a doctor i'm moody and get a diagnosis or rx for zoloft. at least with artery disease or cancer,there's visual proof that it exists.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2005
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 12:59pm
I hope you didn't think I said she would have had "old" skills.....I have no problem with a mom being at home for whatever length of time she sees fit. The longer the better. But just because you put any type of career on hold for your kids, doesn't mean you'll never be able to re enter the workforce, or mean you'll have to be at home for 20 years.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 1:05pm
Well, if you can do that, you must have a very incompetent doctor. A diagnosis for mental illness ought to be a rather complete and complex process, and in most cases, involves a complete physical and psychiatric examination and plan for treatment.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 1:56pm

Thank you for expressing some of my main concerns so well.

Sabina

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 2:18pm
No, I understand. I know how fast things go in the workforce and even my job that I hold now, I would never be able to get it if I applied today. I started as basically a clerical person and worked my way up to artist with training. Now I would have to have a b.s. and background which I do not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 2:27pm

I don't see those items as pushing kids into adulthood just the same as making them take high school courses in Jr. High.

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