Why should I support someone else?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Why should I support someone else?
4426
Sat, 12-30-2006 - 1:24pm

Let me start by saying that I"m new here so this may have already been discussed, but this has come up in my office several times and I wanted to get some other views of this.

I do payroll for a rather small company so I know most of the workers and their wives (most of the workers are men due to the nature of our business). There are two in particular who's wives SAH. These two are up to their eyeballs in debt. I have bill collectors constantly calling for them. That part is really their business, it is annoying but I enjoy being rude back to the bill collectors, lol.

The part that bothers me is that both wives have been in the office wanting copies of X amount of check stubs so that they can go and get public assistance (I know because they told me that is what it is for)! Why should my tax money go so that these women can SAH? I know that not all families that one parent stays at home are like this, but I know lots that are. Heck, growing up we were always broke because my mother refused to work, but we weren't on any public assistance.

So, why should I pay for a woman to SAH? Why can't she go and get a job to support her family just like anyone else?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 3:43pm
If he doesn't volunteer the information of what he likes and why, maybe he doesn't want to share that anymore. Privacy is more than just not having other peoiple looking at your things. It's also not having other people scrutinize all your perfectly legitimate choices under the banner of curiosity. If he DOES want to share, then the ipod is no impediment to that. He'll share. I am a far more private person than lots of people (there's no photo of me here, no personal siggy, no data in profile etc.) so I am acutely sensitive to this. But not everybody wants to explain why they like something. My parents never asked and bless them for it. That was a wise move. Today's parents are encouraged to pester their children about every little thing far more than mine ever were so I suppose I'll have to pester dd more than I myself was pestered. But leaving the kid absolutely nothing that is theirs and theirs alone- unshared with mom- is not that good either IMO.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 3:45pm
Your kids aren't teenagers, Laura. It's just...different. The kids never stop yakking on their cell phones and IM'ing each other. I was like that as a kid with my parents' land line. It's just that the land line, you can at least hear what's going on on one end. Not so with the cells and I-Pods and IM'ing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 3:50pm
Again, your kids aren't teens. Mine can go over to friends' houses and upload from there, they borrow CDs from friends, their friends upload stuff to school computers which are then shared by everyone in the school, they borrow CDs and upload them, and yes, they know it's illegal. But they are in the process of learning their own values and morals, and frankly, most of their friends' parents steal songs, too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 3:50pm
I would suggest it (leave him home alone in the afternoons during highschool). I know of course that you aren't a SAH and never wanted to be. And that lots of women say SAH is even more important inteen years than for tots so that teens WON'T ever be home alone to indulge in sex/drugs/surfing for porn. But a highschool student really SHOULD be able to be unsupervised from time to time. In just a couple years or less, they will be unsupervised 24/7 and will need to be able to cope with that. Going from no unsupervised time to 24/7 unsupervised time with nothing in between doesn't seem wise.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 3:51pm
Ds is nearly 12 and, to be honest, he's just not the chatty type. That may change when he hits 13 but I'd be frankly stunned if he suddenly started yakking away for hours on his cell phone. If the issues only arise with teenagers, why would you be concerned about your 10 yo with regard to cell phones?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 3:54pm
Oh good heavens. Did I really leave the impression that I am unwilling to allow my child absolutely nothing that is his and his alone? Do you really have the picture of me grilling him over why he likes a certain song or scrutinizing his every choice? No...it's just that they DO become uncommunicative at the Tween age, and it IS good to stay connected...not enmeshed, but connected. And chatting about fairly neutral subjects like music is one way of doing so.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 4:08pm
The ten year old is a different story. First, he really doesn't NEED a cell phone most of the time, so why should I pay ten dollars a month or whatever it is for him to use a cell phone a couple of hours a week?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 4:09pm

Gee, thanks for the tutorial. We do have a computer at home, and I obviously have internet access or I couldn't be in the conversation.


You stated.......We don't have internet at home, either. Or cable TV.


So if you don't have internet at home, how can your son load music on the ipod?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 4:11pm
I don't mind my (younger) teen being home alone from time to time, but I don't think I'd want him home alone for several hours every single workday. I agree they need to have some time alone before they head off for college....but I think that kids and their friends knowing that the home is empty every day from 3:15 to 5:30 is not necessarily a good thing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 4:16pm
There are many places in the world besides our home where my son could -- and did -- load music....or you can burn an actual CD onto I-Tunes and then upload it onto your I-Pod.

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