Why should I support someone else?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Why should I support someone else?
4426
Sat, 12-30-2006 - 1:24pm

Let me start by saying that I"m new here so this may have already been discussed, but this has come up in my office several times and I wanted to get some other views of this.

I do payroll for a rather small company so I know most of the workers and their wives (most of the workers are men due to the nature of our business). There are two in particular who's wives SAH. These two are up to their eyeballs in debt. I have bill collectors constantly calling for them. That part is really their business, it is annoying but I enjoy being rude back to the bill collectors, lol.

The part that bothers me is that both wives have been in the office wanting copies of X amount of check stubs so that they can go and get public assistance (I know because they told me that is what it is for)! Why should my tax money go so that these women can SAH? I know that not all families that one parent stays at home are like this, but I know lots that are. Heck, growing up we were always broke because my mother refused to work, but we weren't on any public assistance.

So, why should I pay for a woman to SAH? Why can't she go and get a job to support her family just like anyone else?

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 8:29pm

then you define afford. what did you wait for before deciding you could *afford* children? was there a magic ses,the house first,the minivan? curious.

i support 4kids wholeheartly who believes there is not a *right* time for kids...financial stability and money are relevent terms. and mean nothing to the face of a child.

oh and p.s. i'm not missing a thing. my kids deserve the best mom i can be which for me,is sah now. :)




Edited 1/29/2007 8:51 pm ET by egd3blessed

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 8:39pm
She meant woh/sah is irrelevent when it comes to being a good parent. You can woh and still have kids, be a parent, etc. Kids grow up just fine either way.


Edited 1/29/2007 8:49 pm ET by djknappsak

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 8:42pm

What I wonder is if someone says they wouldnt have had kids if they couldnt sah, how would they deal with it if something happened that forced them to return to work? If, to them, motherhood and raising children *right* is so wrapped up in work status, what kind of trauma is it going to cause to both parent and child if something like LIFE happens and they can no longer sah?

I'm with you-the last thing I really thought about when I had children was work status.

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 8:56pm
when it comes to children whether they have a sahm or a wohm has so little bearing on if they are happy, healthy, wonderful people that to think that someone would deny themselves the privelage of having their children because of job status i cannot fathom. in the big picture of having a loving family and great kids sah or woh is irrelevant, and to deny oneself the greatest expereince in life - the opportunity to be a parent and to love so unconditionally because of something that in the long run will not matter, to me seems sad.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 9:01pm

i never thought about affording kids, heck, i still cant afford kids. we just do what we need to do. i too agree that there is no right time to have kids, although i would say there could be a wrong time to have kids. and while a small child may not understand money that does change once they get older - and kids do notice if they are the only one who cant do things because of lack of money. and i am not talking about extravegant things, but things like field trips or going to the movies or going to the high school football games.

i didnt say you were missing anything, but you know what you wouldnt be missing anything if you had to woh either, at least not anything close to what you would have missed if you never had kids because of work status.
Jennie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 9:11pm
What did you use if you didn't have a crib?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 9:14pm
I guess I just live a different way. In my family you have showers and everyone gets you things off a registry. We do not do hand-me downs, mostly because there is no one to hand down from. We are not "thrift-shop" people. I shop clearance and sales and outlet stores.
I don't mean to sound snobby or anything but I think people do all sorts of things. If I knew I would have to do without for my children because I could not afford it, I would have never had them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 9:22pm

but do without what? with my first i had every gadget known to parents and was sure i would need everybit of it - the reality is i didnt use half of it. by the time number three came along he had a crib, same one his sisters used, a dresser, same one his sisters used, a few clothes, a few blankets, a couple of toys and that was about it. not because we couldnt afford it but because by number three we knew all that stuff was just junk for the parents that the kids really didnt need.

i really cant believe all this talk of i wouldnt have had kids if i couldnt do this or that, and all of it is material things that mean nothing to the happiness of families or children. i guess i wouldnt have had kids if i didnt feel i could give them the best of myself, if i didnt feel i could love them unconditionally, if i couldnt provide them with a place to live, food to eat, clothes to wear and an education, but top of the line thank goodness my kids dont care about that - the close family, knowing they are loved and supported like no other seems to make up for not having the hottest toys or the A&F fashions.

by the way, what are "thrift-shop" people?
Jennie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 9:24pm
Lol, what exactly are *thrift shop* people?

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 9:27pm

I also got a lot of things from friends and family as hand me downs when I had my ds. One of my best friends has a son 6 months older than mine-she gave me a whole wardrobe of baby clothes when my ds was born. My friends and family all have passed around baby clothes and items quite a bit. I send bags of stuff to my niece for her kids, and when they outgrow things she sends them on to some younger cousins. It all gets used more than once, thats for sure!

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

Pages