Will my child remember that I was a SAHM

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Will my child remember that I was a SAHM
3712
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 7:47pm

It struck me today that she might not.


I was sure I was doing the best thing for my children by staying home with them (two daughters-3 years old, and 4 months old). As I was talking to a dear aunt of mine (whose daughter is a working mother, since her infant was 12 weeks old), I felt my defensive bristles go up.


She went on and on about how "If she could do it all over again....she wouldn't have stayed home....." Then she told me a story in which her ds said to her, "mom, did you stay at home with us, or did you drop us off at daycare?" She almost died when he asked her that, because she stayed at home with her ds and dd until he entered kindergarten. Granted, many kindergartners haven't formed lasting memories by that age yet...but still. It got me thinking; is this ALL WORTH IT?


She was using it in her argument against staying at home. I have a Masters Degree in Counseling that I am not using. My career lies dormant at this time. We don't have cable, newspaper service, vacations, frills of any kind, new cars, etc. because of our money situation. We are middle-class and have sacrificed SO MUCH...only for me to hear from my aunt that..."her daughter needs to work to maintain their lifestyle." Yeah, driving a Volvo, she probably does....


I just need to hear from some of you who frequent this board and have solid opinions one way or the other on this topic.


Andrea

Two Delicious Daughters Call Me "Mommy!"


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 12:42pm
I never said that I knew how much other people made at their wedding. The only way I would know if someone tells me how much they are giving. I know how much my mom and sister are giving for the wedding we are going to because we have discussed it.
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 12:43pm

"never said that I knew how much other people made at their wedding"

don't you see though that this wording of "made" at their wedding reduces what shoudl be a thoughtful act of gift giving and a sharing of the happiness of friends to some kind of profit making enterprise? What happened to phrases "what other couples were fortuante enough to RECEIVE at their wedding"

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 12:43pm
i think you are on to something here
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 12:45pm
Because you are essentially "making money" when you have a wedding. How horrible it might sound, it is the truth.
I personally don't like to have birthday parties because I know the people are expected to give a gift. We had a housewarming party and I had NO clue that I would be getting gifts. I just wanted people to come over and eat, drink and have a good time seeing our new home. I was sooooo embarassed to get gifts, money and gc's.
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 12:47pm
I beg to disagree! you MAKE money at your job. You are GIVEN money and gifts at your wedding - there is a HUGE difference. To view a wedding as an occassion to MAKE MONEY is beyond me.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 12:48pm
I agree with you but people still say I "made" this much at my wedding. I don't think people think twice using this statement.
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 12:54pm

I think the peopl who HEAR it probably think twice. That would reall upset me if I had given a gift to a couple to hear them talk about how much they "made" at their wedding.

again...our country's obessions with materialism and money rears its ugly head.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 12:55pm

isn't it all about making it *easier* (not, mind you, necessarily *possible*) for you organize your life in a way that suits you and the other members of your family? the demands of raising children often factor into the sah decision, but the sah/woh decision isn't for-my-kids/despite-my-kids, and more often than not, woh is the for-my-kids option. and plenty of people find good (and even not-so-good) reasons to sah even if they don't have kids, or if their kids are grown; kids aren't the only reason to do so.

my kids are more important to me than continuing my education or doing work that i love, but i am fortunate and creative enough to not have to make any either/or choices in these regard. people can both value their children and support them financially; all sah means is that you couldn't or didn't want to and probably don't have any compelling need to hold down a job at this point in your life--not that you are some sort of exceptionally dedicated parent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 12:56pm

<<I never said that I knew how much other people made at their wedding.>>


I didn't say that.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 12:56pm
It's not even logistically possible with more than one child to be at every one of each child's events. I think the kids will survive.

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