Will my child remember that I was a SAHM

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Will my child remember that I was a SAHM
3712
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 7:47pm

It struck me today that she might not.


I was sure I was doing the best thing for my children by staying home with them (two daughters-3 years old, and 4 months old). As I was talking to a dear aunt of mine (whose daughter is a working mother, since her infant was 12 weeks old), I felt my defensive bristles go up.


She went on and on about how "If she could do it all over again....she wouldn't have stayed home....." Then she told me a story in which her ds said to her, "mom, did you stay at home with us, or did you drop us off at daycare?" She almost died when he asked her that, because she stayed at home with her ds and dd until he entered kindergarten. Granted, many kindergartners haven't formed lasting memories by that age yet...but still. It got me thinking; is this ALL WORTH IT?


She was using it in her argument against staying at home. I have a Masters Degree in Counseling that I am not using. My career lies dormant at this time. We don't have cable, newspaper service, vacations, frills of any kind, new cars, etc. because of our money situation. We are middle-class and have sacrificed SO MUCH...only for me to hear from my aunt that..."her daughter needs to work to maintain their lifestyle." Yeah, driving a Volvo, she probably does....


I just need to hear from some of you who frequent this board and have solid opinions one way or the other on this topic.


Andrea

Two Delicious Daughters Call Me "Mommy!"


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 1:23pm
I just wasn't aware that custom now includes a formal announcement that a wedding date has been set. Maybe I should send out cards to let everybody know that my dd did okay on her SAT's, or that she got into some decent colleges, both of which she's just extremely excited about... Or that my dh got a promotion (he's ecstatic about that)... there must be tons of life events that I just haven't been announcing properly!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 1:25pm
My dd14 won't get arrested for showing cleavage in her English class, either, but I still won't let her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2003
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 1:27pm

It sounds as though your father wasn't a very involved parent, and may not have been even if he didn't WOH and/or if your mother did WOH. You do realize that is not the case for all parents who WOH, of course.

They may care when they graduate and they cannot afford to move out on their own on an entry level salary because they cannot afford rent in addition to loan payments, and therefore their career options are limited. I'm not saying they will necessary resent you or their situation, but it is a detriment when starting off in one's adult life.

You must be extremely fortunate to have the ability to afford to care for your parents' (and in-laws') needs full-time when the time comes, while still being able to support your own family. The cost of simply providing food, clothing, and shelter for additional adults in one's household, not to mention out-of-pocket costs for transportation and medical equipment and supplies, plus the time that is needed to care for the elderly, is not something that most families can easily absorb. I know that I am grateful that my parents planned ahead and saved so they could manage these expenses themselves, as well as have choices about the type of care that they prefer if it comes time that they cannot care for themselves.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 1:27pm
And you're a wonderful Mom, I wouldn't either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 1:29pm

There is no excuse when you are given 2 years notice.>


So are you saying that you had an admission to your wedding?

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 1:30pm
I agree. bouncing a check is an embarrassing occurrence for anyone and often is due to an unexpected hardship or expense or an error in bookeeping. My reaction would have been to feel badly for the couple who wrote the check before I felt badly for myself...

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 1:31pm
You can, they are called Christmas letters. I get them from families all the time telling me what happened that year with their family.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 1:31pm
When you make out your guest list, it's usually safe to assume anyone on that list would be happpy to spend the day that way, but it's not always safe to assume they'd be happy to spend the dough involved. And sometimes it's safe to assume they wouldn't be able to at all. But I guess if the b & g are to have it all their way, then a thing like that wouldn't matter, not even if close relatives and friends were involved. And I guess most people who do destination weddings are happy to cover travel and expenses for all guests...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 1:33pm
If I use my imagination, I can easily imagine others doing the same.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 1:34pm
Yes, we spoke to them, they are my dh's cousin. First they post-dated the check for a week and, then we had to pay the fee for the bounced check. After a couple of weeks because they knew it was going to bounce, they said they would invite us over for a steak dinner (my dh's family is VERY impressed with steak). 14 years later, I am still waiting for that invitation. They are the biggest drinkers so basically they had a "free" evening out of eating and drinking.

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