Will my child remember that I was a SAHM

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Will my child remember that I was a SAHM
3712
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 7:47pm

It struck me today that she might not.


I was sure I was doing the best thing for my children by staying home with them (two daughters-3 years old, and 4 months old). As I was talking to a dear aunt of mine (whose daughter is a working mother, since her infant was 12 weeks old), I felt my defensive bristles go up.


She went on and on about how "If she could do it all over again....she wouldn't have stayed home....." Then she told me a story in which her ds said to her, "mom, did you stay at home with us, or did you drop us off at daycare?" She almost died when he asked her that, because she stayed at home with her ds and dd until he entered kindergarten. Granted, many kindergartners haven't formed lasting memories by that age yet...but still. It got me thinking; is this ALL WORTH IT?


She was using it in her argument against staying at home. I have a Masters Degree in Counseling that I am not using. My career lies dormant at this time. We don't have cable, newspaper service, vacations, frills of any kind, new cars, etc. because of our money situation. We are middle-class and have sacrificed SO MUCH...only for me to hear from my aunt that..."her daughter needs to work to maintain their lifestyle." Yeah, driving a Volvo, she probably does....


I just need to hear from some of you who frequent this board and have solid opinions one way or the other on this topic.


Andrea

Two Delicious Daughters Call Me "Mommy!"


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 1:53pm

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Since it's "their day", and it's "all about them", I doubt they'd want to do that. And if they do things right, they can make sure in advance that half the guests won't be able to attend anyhow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 1:55pm
but, should they have to do that? when you throw a party, do you call each and every guest and get their okay for all of the details? That wouldn't be your party then, would it? Why not let the guests throw the party in question.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 1:56pm

yes, for MANY the Save-the-Date is the equivalent of "shouting it from the rooftops". My dh and I were deliriously happy to have found each other and ecstatic to be taking the next step. We absolutely wanted to share it with everyone we knew.

I've never seen a personalized aisle runner. I got married in an ivory cocktail dress with black lace trim and black sparkly slingbacks....Our kids were our "attendants". No cake smashing, no garter, no aisle runner, no rice throwing -- Just a beautifully planned and executed ceremony and reception -- which many of the guests anticipated for a few extra months, LOL!

carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 1:56pm
Sorry, but a lot of the various "new wedding customs" under discussion here can only have originated in the mind of a very savvy entrepreneur in the wedding industry or in the mind of a somewhat befuddled young bride. Not sure how you know how I "acted" on my wedding day, but one thing I can tell you for sure is that it really wasn't all about me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 1:58pm

"Just a beautifully planned and executed ceremony and reception -- which many of the guests anticipated for a few extra months, LOL!"

Are you sure they anticipated it or did they throw a shoe at the mailman for daring to bring that announcement? LOL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 1:58pm
Yeah, I get them too, but my favorites are the ones that don't involve too much bragging.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 1:59pm

"Sorry, but a lot of the various "new wedding customs" under discussion here can only have originated in the mind of a very savvy entrepreneur in the wedding industry or in the mind of a somewhat befuddled young bride."
well, they wouldn't have been originated if people weren't falling for them. They certainly have the right to do it.

"Not sure how you know how I "acted" on my wedding day, but one thing I can tell you for sure is that it really wasn't all about me."

Maybe that explains alot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 2:02pm
Why even have a party if you don't care about making the guests happy? Just do it all your way and mail them the video.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 2:03pm

The problem with sending out invitations 3-4 months ahead is RSVPs. There is generally an expectation of an RSVP within a reasonable amount of time. Not so with a "save the date" card. It allows a person to think about plans far in the future while not making any actual RSVP commitments until much later. Since there is no expectation of an RSVP until the actual invite arrives, "save the date" cards would make it easier to plan without requiring committment. For instance, my job requires people to plan their vacations about 3-4 months in advance. I've only gotten "save the date" by mouth, not mail ("we picked a date!!"). But any wedding for which I would NOT make effort to save the date is also a wedding I probably wouldn't get invited to because that means I'm not enough a part of their lives to invite.

In other words, if I'm on somebody's invite list, that means they mean enough to me that I'd actually WANT to save the date if I possibly could. But the lack of RSVP means that if my brother decides to get married (I would be told within minutes of a date being set), I haven't made any actual RSVP commitment. This sort of coincidence of scheduling hasn't happened (although it theoretically could), and the wedding of family is the only thing that could get me to NOT save the date.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 2:03pm
I;m sure the couple doesn't go in and try to do everything in their power to make the guests miserable. I'm also sure that there are going to be a few people who don't like a few things, or don't like most things about the day. That's their problem though. Not the bride and grooms.

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