Will my child remember that I was a SAHM
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| Wed, 06-06-2007 - 7:47pm |
It struck me today that she might not.
I was sure I was doing the best thing for my children by staying home with them (two daughters-3 years old, and 4 months old). As I was talking to a dear aunt of mine (whose daughter is a working mother, since her infant was 12 weeks old), I felt my defensive bristles go up.
She went on and on about how "If she could do it all over again....she wouldn't have stayed home....." Then she told me a story in which her ds said to her, "mom, did you stay at home with us, or did you drop us off at daycare?" She almost died when he asked her that, because she stayed at home with her ds and dd until he entered kindergarten. Granted, many kindergartners haven't formed lasting memories by that age yet...but still. It got me thinking; is this ALL WORTH IT?
She was using it in her argument against staying at home. I have a Masters Degree in Counseling that I am not using. My career lies dormant at this time. We don't have cable, newspaper service, vacations, frills of any kind, new cars, etc. because of our money situation. We are middle-class and have sacrificed SO MUCH...only for me to hear from my aunt that..."her daughter needs to work to maintain their lifestyle." Yeah, driving a Volvo, she probably does....
I just need to hear from some of you who frequent this board and have solid opinions one way or the other on this topic.
Andrea







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I can't make it any clearer. I don't think that there is ANYTHING that i could say that would convince you of other than what you believe.
Save-the-Date cards are JUST for giving people a heads-up. NO more. NO less. NO commitment needed. NO plans need to be changed. JUST a heads-up.
And I just can't wrap my mind around a "save-the-date" card making me invitees UNhappy. I just can't even begin to imagine a scenario where that would work.
Let's try....Oh, look. A card from Sue and Joe. They're getting married on February 14, 2008. Man, I can't believe that they want me to plan that far ahead. How inconsiderate of them. GEEZ, don't they know that others might have OTHER plans that are MORE important. How self-important must they be???
OR try it this way, "Wow. A card from Sue and Joe. I didn't know that they were that serious. Cool. A wedding on 2/14/08. I'll pencil it in and as the date gets closer I need to remember to ask for the day off from work. I'm so happy for them. I know that she's been looking forward to being a wife and mother.
See, I just can't see how the first scenario would really occur. Maybe the difference is between those of us that are pessimistic (believing that the cards were sent to inconvenience you or make you unhappy--purposely-- in some way) vs. those that are optimistic (knowing that the couple was just giving you a heads-up).
Carole
actually, we sent ours via e-mail. I didn't hear of anyone busting up their computers or complaining to their e-mail provider for delivering our happy news, LOL!
carole
Who doesn't feel honored to be told in person that an invitation is coming up? My point was that I didn't see the purpose of the Save the Date cards being used now.
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Naturally, but not necessarily to each invitee.
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In the right circumstances, that list could easily be extended.
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I have no objection to social registers, grapevines, or any sort of oral conveyed heads up.
Yep, as a SAHM of many myself, there is simply no way I can attend ALL of their events and so far, I only have two that are actually involved in activities. My son had baseball on Tues night and my dd had lacrosse games on Tues nights. I missed several of my son's baseball games b/c in order to attend dd's lax games (dh was ds' baseball coach so we couldn't swap). Fortunately, both of them had two games per week, so dh would go to the lax games that were later in the week, and we both attended the Sat baseball game of ds.
I'm not naive enough to think that I'll be able to attend every single thing, nor do I think it's necessary. Apparently, I'm not the only one b/c I know several SAHMs (and WOHMs) who carpool and take each other's kids to various activities b/c of conflicts with their other children.
I had a neighbor growing up who was a helicopter mom and boy, did her dd rebel in her teen years. It was awful and even now that her dd is an adult, the relationship still suffers.
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I worded my post badly. I meant that sending a save the date card is sent in advance, but the invitations are typically sent 6-8 weeks before the wedding as usual. And RSVPs are only required after the invitation is received.
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What if instead it serves the purpose of announcing, "I really hope you can enjoy my special day with me, so I'm sending this card so you can plan to be there if you would like to help us celebrate?" It seems like a nice gesture to me, especially if the bride and groom are inviting out of town guests. Perhaps save the date cards have become popular because so many people live far away from family, rather than a sense of self importance by the bride and groom.
"See, I just can't see how the first scenario would really occur. Maybe the difference is between those of us that are pessimistic (believing that the cards were sent to inconvenience you or make you unhappy--purposely-- in some way) vs. those that are optimistic (knowing that the couple was just giving you a heads-up)."
exactly! It's the invitees way of thinking.....and it probably helps if they don't like one half of the couple or even both.
"Well if staying at home isn't all about the kids then who is it for."
In my family's case, my SAH is helpful for the WHOLE family. It balances out our life. It allows more time for my to be with our boys, it allows more time for DH to be with our boys, it allows us to have more family time AND it allows DH and I to have more tome together without the boys. It allows our life to be more relaxed in the evenings and on the weekends. It allows us to entertain on the weekends (otherwsie we would too tired to do so). It allows us to be flexible with vacations. It allows us to be more active in our Congregation and in other activities. It allows my DH more time to be a father and to foster the father-son relationships (which IMO is JUST as important as the mother-son relationships.) It allows us all time to be by ourselves.
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