Will my child remember that I was a SAHM

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Will my child remember that I was a SAHM
3712
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 7:47pm

It struck me today that she might not.


I was sure I was doing the best thing for my children by staying home with them (two daughters-3 years old, and 4 months old). As I was talking to a dear aunt of mine (whose daughter is a working mother, since her infant was 12 weeks old), I felt my defensive bristles go up.


She went on and on about how "If she could do it all over again....she wouldn't have stayed home....." Then she told me a story in which her ds said to her, "mom, did you stay at home with us, or did you drop us off at daycare?" She almost died when he asked her that, because she stayed at home with her ds and dd until he entered kindergarten. Granted, many kindergartners haven't formed lasting memories by that age yet...but still. It got me thinking; is this ALL WORTH IT?


She was using it in her argument against staying at home. I have a Masters Degree in Counseling that I am not using. My career lies dormant at this time. We don't have cable, newspaper service, vacations, frills of any kind, new cars, etc. because of our money situation. We are middle-class and have sacrificed SO MUCH...only for me to hear from my aunt that..."her daughter needs to work to maintain their lifestyle." Yeah, driving a Volvo, she probably does....


I just need to hear from some of you who frequent this board and have solid opinions one way or the other on this topic.


Andrea

Two Delicious Daughters Call Me "Mommy!"


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 2:15pm

What kind of wedding are you talking about? A hotel room alone is going to cost at least $100/night at most places. Where I live, a "destination wedding" typically means flying to the Caribbean and staying in a hotel for a few nights. There is no way that would be possible for less than $200. Where do you live anyway, b/c an earlier post said that it's inexpensive for you to get to the islands. That's not typical of most areas around the U.S.

Hotel rooms in my own tourist town (Annapolis) generally start at least $100 a night, and that's if you are lucky to get the low rate. Flying here from anywhere will typically cost *at least* $150 roundtrip and that's if you can fly Southwest and get their cheapest fare. I'm trying to go to Atlanta in August to visit a friend, and it's going to cost me almost $300 to fly there from Baltimore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 2:16pm

why in the world are the two mutually exclusive? part of having what "we" wanted for that day was having our close friends and family with us to celebrate.

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 2:17pm
Ummmm, yes. Saying a man married a 12 year old.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 2:20pm
one can never have enough magnets!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 2:21pm

"What kind of wedding are you talking about? A hotel room alone is going to cost at least $100/night at most places. Where I live, a "destination wedding" typically means flying to the Caribbean and staying in a hotel for a few nights."

didn't know we were talking about specifically to the Caribbean.

"Where do you live anyway, b/c an earlier post said that it's inexpensive for you to get to the islands. That's not typical of most areas around the U.S."

I live in the southeast part of the US. I never posted anything about it being inexpensive for me to get to the islands. Don't know where you got that from.

When I lived in NJ, I attended a wedding in Maine. We drove there, a group of us stayed in a hotel for 49 dollars a night. The bridal couple paid for all meals for the 2 nights/3 days we were there. It was a beautiful beach wedding.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 2:21pm

But isn't the true purpose of SAVE THE DATE cards to "save the date" - therefore you *are* supposed to do something. You are supposed to note on your calendar that the event is happening on that date so you don't schedule anything else on that date. Maybe your intention was to announce your impending wedding plans, but the true purpose, I thought, of those cards was exactly what it states on them - to "save the date." Otherwise, they should not use that term on the announcement.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 2:23pm

my save-the-date cards were free. They were e-cards associated with the wedding website we created.

I love free things.

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 2:24pm
She obviously wasn't invited to the wedding I went to on L.I. about 8 years ago b/c *I* gave a gift. Horrors. But she wouldn't have known anyway since I sent it to their house. I do know that I wasn't the only one to give a gift either - another couple (the only other couple we knew at the wedding) who came from Connecticut also gave a gift.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 2:33pm
As someone who has SAH with my kids, I can easily answer - I stayed at home for ALL of us. It was best for our *family* and was not all about the kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 2:33pm

i'm going to have to halt you right there. FWIW, I'm far from a "befuddled young bride" with a "befuddled young groom"....BLECH! Just imagine that my dh and i got married at 42 and 51 with 4 children between us....We just celebrated our one year anniversary -- and wouldn't have done our wedding ceremony and reception ANY other way.

I think you really give people too little credit. Many of us (especially those older and for 2nd weddings) know EXACTLY what we want. it may not jibe with what YOU deem appropriate, but then it wasn't YOUR day, now was it???

Carole

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