Will my child remember that I was a SAHM

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Will my child remember that I was a SAHM
3712
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 7:47pm

It struck me today that she might not.


I was sure I was doing the best thing for my children by staying home with them (two daughters-3 years old, and 4 months old). As I was talking to a dear aunt of mine (whose daughter is a working mother, since her infant was 12 weeks old), I felt my defensive bristles go up.


She went on and on about how "If she could do it all over again....she wouldn't have stayed home....." Then she told me a story in which her ds said to her, "mom, did you stay at home with us, or did you drop us off at daycare?" She almost died when he asked her that, because she stayed at home with her ds and dd until he entered kindergarten. Granted, many kindergartners haven't formed lasting memories by that age yet...but still. It got me thinking; is this ALL WORTH IT?


She was using it in her argument against staying at home. I have a Masters Degree in Counseling that I am not using. My career lies dormant at this time. We don't have cable, newspaper service, vacations, frills of any kind, new cars, etc. because of our money situation. We are middle-class and have sacrificed SO MUCH...only for me to hear from my aunt that..."her daughter needs to work to maintain their lifestyle." Yeah, driving a Volvo, she probably does....


I just need to hear from some of you who frequent this board and have solid opinions one way or the other on this topic.


Andrea

Two Delicious Daughters Call Me "Mommy!"


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 7:41pm

Why? You think it is ok for someone to take advantage of you? They knew well enough what they were doing. They were never going to have the money in their checking account that week or the week after. You don't do that. I would have rather them call me before the wedding and tell me they did not have the money at that time.
Even though you shouldn't be paying the price of your meal as some people say, something DID pay for the wedding and them coming to a wedding when you know that you do not go to something like this without bringing a gift is just wrong.

My sister had a family of 3, mother, father and teenage son who came to her wedding. They only said the adults were coming and then they showed up with their son. They gave $100 for the 3 of them. These are people who could absolutely afford more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 7:48pm
Apparently you have problem with the defintion of guest. There is no requirement for a guest to provide anything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 7:55pm
Would YOU send your child to a party without a gift? I doubt so why would it be different going to a wedding?
At weddings you usually give out favors to the guests to thank them for coming and for their gifts. Just like a child's birthday party when they get a party bag to go home with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 8:07pm

My DD3 turned 18 a couple of weeks ago. Not everyone who came brought a gift. Never saw it as an issue. They were guests in our house invited to celebrate my DD3's birthday which they did.

We only received a gift from one guest at our wedding. Again not a big deal. They were invited to celebrate our marriage, which they did.

While I will agree that it is common for guests to give gifts at various social events, giving a gift is never a requirement. If it were then they are not guests but paying participants.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 8:14pm

Don't you know that this is very uncommon for people NOT to bring gifts to a party. I could never do that and don't see why people would think that is ok.

Did you have a very small wedding? I can't see how people would not bring a gift.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 8:25pm

Yes, it probably is pretty uncommon. It is ok because a gift is not a requirement.

Yes, I did have a very small wedding (10-15 people). One of the reason that most did not bring gifts probably had a lot to do with the timing. They were invited about 3-4 days before the wedding.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 8:31pm
That is really a short amount of time! The wedding we are invited to is in 3 weeks and I thought that was a short time-lol!!
Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 8:39pm

The presence of my guests was the only 'present' that I expected at my recent wedding.

In fact. . .not only did someone NOT bring a gift, they came uninvited. . .we are so loved, our wedding was crashed.

We invited only immediate family members on DH's side of the family as his family is quite large (mom, 3 brothers & 3 sisters). Since I have only one brother, I invited my mother, brother (and his family), a very close aunt of mine, 3 very close friends (like sisters to me) and my grandmother (his are deceased, so no grandmas were left out.)

Somehow, a friend of their family hitched a ride with his sister and her girls. It's someone that those in the family who lived with mom & dad after he'd left the house consider 'like family', but since DH didn't live with them at that time he didn't think to invite her.

She and her daughter came. . .she didn't bring a gift (said the photos she was taking were the 'gift'. . .but I've yet to see one of those pictures). . .

Ehh. . .I have bigger issues to worry about than that, in my opinion. . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 8:41pm
Special circumstances, DH and I were both in the Air Force. We met in Japan. He returned to the states in April. I returned in November. We wanted to get married as quickly as possible because we were both stationed at different bases and could not put in for join spouse orders until we were married. I got back to the states on Saturday and we got married the next Saturday. The only family able to attend were DH's dad and step-mother. The guests were all people stationed with my DH.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 8:49pm
That was great that you were able to get everyone together in such a short amount of time. Our engagement was 2 years-lol!! Even then with that amount of time, my dh's family STILL did not bring a gift-lol!!

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