Will my child remember that I was a SAHM

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Will my child remember that I was a SAHM
3712
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 7:47pm

It struck me today that she might not.


I was sure I was doing the best thing for my children by staying home with them (two daughters-3 years old, and 4 months old). As I was talking to a dear aunt of mine (whose daughter is a working mother, since her infant was 12 weeks old), I felt my defensive bristles go up.


She went on and on about how "If she could do it all over again....she wouldn't have stayed home....." Then she told me a story in which her ds said to her, "mom, did you stay at home with us, or did you drop us off at daycare?" She almost died when he asked her that, because she stayed at home with her ds and dd until he entered kindergarten. Granted, many kindergartners haven't formed lasting memories by that age yet...but still. It got me thinking; is this ALL WORTH IT?


She was using it in her argument against staying at home. I have a Masters Degree in Counseling that I am not using. My career lies dormant at this time. We don't have cable, newspaper service, vacations, frills of any kind, new cars, etc. because of our money situation. We are middle-class and have sacrificed SO MUCH...only for me to hear from my aunt that..."her daughter needs to work to maintain their lifestyle." Yeah, driving a Volvo, she probably does....


I just need to hear from some of you who frequent this board and have solid opinions one way or the other on this topic.


Andrea

Two Delicious Daughters Call Me "Mommy!"


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 10:16pm
Of course, if you're dedicated to a thing like "Save the Date", you might find it hard to imagine any sort of downside to it. But that doesn't mean it couldn't possibly exist.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 10:28pm
I guess if I want to launch a real slamfest here, I can give my unvarnished opinion about those, but maybe I'll wait a while...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 10:30pm
With a little luck, you can have it both ways. OTOH, if it's all about the b & g and their need to have the most perfectest day ever, then any conflicts will have to be resolved in their favor.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 10:35pm
as my childrens mother everything i do has an effect on them - but that does not translate into everything i do is for my kids. i have too many roles and responsibilities in my life for everything to me for my kids. you do realize that dual wohm families are raising kids who are every bit as happy and healthy as yours? does your husband have any role in raising these supposedly happy healthy kids?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 10:49pm
after reading this thread im thinking if i just have my dd send out enough graduation invitations i can get her whole college paid for :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2006
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 11:04pm

Never say never. Do you have a 60yo parent with advanced Parkinson's and and still have young children at home? I do and there is no way we can care for her in our home.

You didn't mind a bit, but you didn't mention if you graduated. I got accepted to an Ivy League school and got a full scholarship to a very good private school. I chose the scholarship and I have no regrets, but all things being equal, I would have chosen the Ivy. College is exponentially more expensive than when I when to school. My children will have their choice from Ivy, to private, to, what the heck, clown school, if they so choose. All options will be on the table, whether they receive any scholarships, financial aid or not. Our in state state university tuition is now 10K (not inclusive of R&B) and it will only go much higher since we're 6, 8, and 10 years away. My children will have the education of their choice and be debt free when they get a degree (if they so choose). I think it's a pretty sweet, and necessary, gift, to them. Can we compare notes in a few years which worked best for our families?

How sad. My father and mother (a sah for 10yrs) gave us what we needed and what we wanted, they were very involved parents regardless of their work status. My dh is also a very involved parent; he was a sahd for a period of time and we both participate in all our childrens' activities, but with 3 children, there are times that one or both of us will miss a game or two.

Work status doesn't give mothers parenting demerits, nor fathers, parenting free passes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Tue, 06-26-2007 - 11:08pm
Almost everyone else lived in the barracks where DH did so getting them together was pretty easy. Basically he walked down the hall, knocked on their doors and told them he was getting married Saturday afternoon and asked if they wanted to come.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 12:58am

Well said! My feelings exactly!

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:11am

IMO, accepting a wedding invitation in no way obligates anyone to give a gift. It is thoughtful and generous to do so, of course, but is not the "price of admission" to attend. I find that people who focus too much on labels and price tags and can recite the exact $ amount that so-and-so gave or didn't give at a wedding, are often so materialistic that they lose sight of what is truly important.

Robin




Edited 6/27/2007 1:24 am ET by rolyco
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:49am
well, I'm happy for you, but I still feel like everything we do IS for our kids. In order to be better parents to our children, we MUST do some things for ourselves, or at least I do in order to keep my sanity. Everything that I do pretty much relates directly back to my kids in some way. And yes, my husband is here playing an active part in our childrens lives, and YES THEY ARE, happy healthy children.

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