Will my child remember that I was a SAHM

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Will my child remember that I was a SAHM
3712
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 7:47pm

It struck me today that she might not.


I was sure I was doing the best thing for my children by staying home with them (two daughters-3 years old, and 4 months old). As I was talking to a dear aunt of mine (whose daughter is a working mother, since her infant was 12 weeks old), I felt my defensive bristles go up.


She went on and on about how "If she could do it all over again....she wouldn't have stayed home....." Then she told me a story in which her ds said to her, "mom, did you stay at home with us, or did you drop us off at daycare?" She almost died when he asked her that, because she stayed at home with her ds and dd until he entered kindergarten. Granted, many kindergartners haven't formed lasting memories by that age yet...but still. It got me thinking; is this ALL WORTH IT?


She was using it in her argument against staying at home. I have a Masters Degree in Counseling that I am not using. My career lies dormant at this time. We don't have cable, newspaper service, vacations, frills of any kind, new cars, etc. because of our money situation. We are middle-class and have sacrificed SO MUCH...only for me to hear from my aunt that..."her daughter needs to work to maintain their lifestyle." Yeah, driving a Volvo, she probably does....


I just need to hear from some of you who frequent this board and have solid opinions one way or the other on this topic.


Andrea

Two Delicious Daughters Call Me "Mommy!"


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 11:15am
I know all about what those diseases can do, I worked in a nursing home, in the Alzheimers wing, I, myself have witnessed first hand the violent episodes that can happen with that disease, but there are still other ways to get around it, and my parents wont be in a nursing home.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 11:15am
I have had several occasions where a "save the date" card has come in quite handy. One was for a cousin's wedding -- they live out in California, where my mother lived, and when my mother was alive, I used to go out every summer or every Thanksgiving and spend about a week visiting her and my California relatives. One year I got a "save the date" card tucked into my Christmas card from my cousin and was able to go. If I had gotten the invitation (for a June wedding) in March, it would have been too late to plan my summer trip around it, and I quite possibly would have gotten involved with something else and not been able to go. In the other instance, it allowed my sister to go to a family function (Golden Wedding Anniversary) in another region of the country. She gets two weeks paid vacation a year and has to put in her preferences in December for the following year; this "Save the Date" notification allowed her to choose between going to the function and going to England to watch the Wimbledon tournament, which is what she had been planning on doing beforehand.
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 11:20am

You know what? One of my dearest friends attended both my 40th annivesary party and my baby shower without givine me a gift and I could care less. I love HER. not her wallet and not her gifts. and if I'm invited somewhere and I say 'can I bring something?" and the hostess says 'no' then I don't. I remember throwing a bridal shower and buying and setting up all the food ( i don't cook ...that's what caterers and deli trays are for) and the grooms realtive ALL brought food they expected us to put out without telling us they were doing so and it got so out of hand -- WHY couldn't they respect that we had it under control and didn't need 18 more cookie trays....

and I usually try to send my gifts before a wedding to the brides home but if I can't get one in time for the wedding i make sure to send it within a year which is acceptable. And for it being "not fair" to "make the bride and groom wait" -- if that's what they're spending the first year of their marriage worrying about then they have some big problems....

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 11:21am
But if "Save the Date" cards seem presumptuous to you, doesn't an oral announcement of an upcoming invitation put you in an even greater bind? How do you tell someone to their face that going to their wedding isn't even on your priority list?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 11:22am
I wasn't passing judgement on anyone, if that is the right choice for you then so be it, and I have walked down that path, with my parents when they were taking care of my grandmother, I know it's agonizing, I wasn't judging anyone. I never said anyone was a horrible person, I said it wasn't for me.
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 11:24am

but surely you understand how categorical statements like "I would NEVER..." can be seen as judgemental and insulting to those who have made difference choices. And as a working single mom (I worked pre divorce too...I like to work) with an elderly parent in a nursing home I have the feeling I"m pretty much the anti-parent/anti-daughter in your book.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 11:26am
I'm sorry but I think you either have a gift at the time of the wedding or you don't go. They have planned this day for months or years. You have known for months or maybe years too. You can't save $5/week to give them a gift on time?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 11:28am
When I get away from the house for a while, I come back with a fresh additude. The only volunteer work I have time for with six kids is at their school, that directly affects them. Going to school at this point would ential not being here when the kids get home from school, and putting my twins in daycare....so not happening. My husband is a self-employed contractor, who can take one or two of the older kids with him to work providing he isn't doing anything dangerous on that day, they spend ALOT of time helping their dad at work, so not only are they spending time with him, but learing how hard their dad works to keep a roof over thier heads. How many people do you know who can take their kids to work with them????? How am I being unfair to my kids by being here when they need me or want me, I don't think I'm putting a load on them to carry at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 11:34am

<<I guess it is the way you are raised. >>


How I was raised?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 11:36am

Right field was a question, not a statement.

PumpkinAngel

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