Will my child remember that I was a SAHM

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Will my child remember that I was a SAHM
3712
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 7:47pm

It struck me today that she might not.


I was sure I was doing the best thing for my children by staying home with them (two daughters-3 years old, and 4 months old). As I was talking to a dear aunt of mine (whose daughter is a working mother, since her infant was 12 weeks old), I felt my defensive bristles go up.


She went on and on about how "If she could do it all over again....she wouldn't have stayed home....." Then she told me a story in which her ds said to her, "mom, did you stay at home with us, or did you drop us off at daycare?" She almost died when he asked her that, because she stayed at home with her ds and dd until he entered kindergarten. Granted, many kindergartners haven't formed lasting memories by that age yet...but still. It got me thinking; is this ALL WORTH IT?


She was using it in her argument against staying at home. I have a Masters Degree in Counseling that I am not using. My career lies dormant at this time. We don't have cable, newspaper service, vacations, frills of any kind, new cars, etc. because of our money situation. We are middle-class and have sacrificed SO MUCH...only for me to hear from my aunt that..."her daughter needs to work to maintain their lifestyle." Yeah, driving a Volvo, she probably does....


I just need to hear from some of you who frequent this board and have solid opinions one way or the other on this topic.


Andrea

Two Delicious Daughters Call Me "Mommy!"


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Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 11:36am

you don't know me....you don't know my life. maybe i've ordered something that will come later...maybe I like to send my gifts instead of lug them to the wedding...and you CERTAINLY don't know if saving $5 a week is possible for me. sometimes I go 2 weeks from paycheck to paycheck with $5 in my pocket....

but the point I'm making is that the people I love put a higher value on human relationships than can possibly be measured in the cost, size or presence of a material gift. I remember my sisters ex inlaws were still talking about 2 guests who hadn't given gifts -- three YEARS after her wedding. Three YEARS to fixate on a missed opportunity to snag another gravy boat seems liek a wrong value set to me.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 11:36am

How does this reference the post you are responding to?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 11:37am

No, you claimed that I didn't get it.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 11:39am

How am I supposed to prove, that I believe you should bring gifts to any event you are invited to? Should I send you a cancelled check? Show you a picture of the brownies I made?

The whole point I have made is that I think it is very rude to expect to go to a party or someone's home and not bring a gift. You are giving respect to the person who has taken their time out to spend money on food, drinks, decorations, favors, etc. for you. It should nt be a free meal for you.

I personally think the majority of people who bring no or small gifts CAN do it but they are just too cheap. Maybe that is why they are able to save so much more money than the rest of us who give a gift-??!!

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 11:42am

"You are giving respect to the person who has taken their time out to spend money on food, drinks, decorations, favors, etc. for you. It should nt be a free meal for you."

IT'S A PARTY!!!!! That's what Parties ARE! The are given by the hosts to entertain the guests. It's not a "tally up the take" situation...it's a "come celebrate with me - my dear friends and family and let me treat you to a wonderufl event to thank you for loving me enough to share my wedding/birthday/retirement/first communion/ bar mitzvah"

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 11:42am

They were still talking because it is RUDE not to give a gift. You don't expect to come to a party and free load off of someone. That is just wrong.

I can NOT believe that someone who knows they are invited to a wedding in months or even a year, can NOT save $5/week. Everyone is very concerned with saving for an emergency fund that they are able to have that money per week to put away but not $5?? Maybe because these people are only thinking about themselves and NOT the couple.

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 11:43am

"You don't expect to come to a party and free load off of someone"

I would say you don't EXPECT your GUESTS to cover the cost of a PARTY you are throwing for THEM!

jeezum crow ... do you not value your friends and family more than material gain? Really???

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 11:44am
Actually, the way I was raised, when you were invited to dinner at someone's home it was considered rather tacky to bring additional food -- it was like saying that you didn't think the hosts would feed you well enough, or they might not have enough to go around, or you didn't like their cooking or something. One brought flowers or maybe a bottle of wine, but you didn't even expect that the wine would be served that night because it might not go with what was being offered for dinner. When people invited you to their home for a meal, it was supposed to be a "free meal" and you were just supposed to be good company. Of course, you reciprocated later by inviting the people to your home for a meal.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 11:45am
There is a difference between having a super bowl party and buying food and drinks for people and a wedding. I LOVE to entertain in my home and I would never expect people to bring me a gift. Do people bring dessert? Absolutely. That is just what you do.
When you are going to an event like a shower, wedding, communion, you bring a gift.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 11:47am
I did not expect my guests to pay for my wedding. I would have waited longer if I did not have the money. My wedding was paid for before that day and nothing was owed after.
I personally don't think it is right to pay that night with your wedding money but when I give a gift, I have NO clue what they are going to do with it.

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