Will my child remember that I was a SAHM

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Will my child remember that I was a SAHM
3712
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 7:47pm

It struck me today that she might not.


I was sure I was doing the best thing for my children by staying home with them (two daughters-3 years old, and 4 months old). As I was talking to a dear aunt of mine (whose daughter is a working mother, since her infant was 12 weeks old), I felt my defensive bristles go up.


She went on and on about how "If she could do it all over again....she wouldn't have stayed home....." Then she told me a story in which her ds said to her, "mom, did you stay at home with us, or did you drop us off at daycare?" She almost died when he asked her that, because she stayed at home with her ds and dd until he entered kindergarten. Granted, many kindergartners haven't formed lasting memories by that age yet...but still. It got me thinking; is this ALL WORTH IT?


She was using it in her argument against staying at home. I have a Masters Degree in Counseling that I am not using. My career lies dormant at this time. We don't have cable, newspaper service, vacations, frills of any kind, new cars, etc. because of our money situation. We are middle-class and have sacrificed SO MUCH...only for me to hear from my aunt that..."her daughter needs to work to maintain their lifestyle." Yeah, driving a Volvo, she probably does....


I just need to hear from some of you who frequent this board and have solid opinions one way or the other on this topic.


Andrea

Two Delicious Daughters Call Me "Mommy!"


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2003
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:26pm

I'm glad that you know your parents plans for if/when they ever need full time care, and their wishes as to how exactly they want their finances and needs handled. It's smart to plan for these things since they are inevitable (and often happen relatively quickly.)

When you love someone you want the very best for them, and sometimes that means the type of care that only professionals can provide. As much as one may love her parent, it is impossible to take on sole responsibility for his or her care if s/he needs 24/7 hands-on care, unless one is not employed, financially comfortable, has medical training, and does not live with anyone else (spouse, children) since 100% of one's attention will need to be on the person receiving the care. Not many adult children are in that position.

So you applaud him for being an uninvolved parent? Would you still applaud if you heard of a mother who rarely saw her children and didn't choose to spend time with them when she could, if her working were allowing the father to stay at home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:28pm

i usually agree with you. but i think it's different when she's called someone's own version of their wedding announcement "tacky". that has such a NEGATIVE connotation to it (and not in a playful, funny sort of way, ya know?).

by saying that a save the date card is tacky she IS saying it shouldn't be done AND that it should only be done HER way.

Carole

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:29pm

You are UN believable. I would never forget a card of course not. And I would also NEVER whip out my check book to write them a check on the spot. The point of a first c ommunion is to make a step forward in becoming an adult in the eyse of the church it is not to get alot of goods. If was close to the child (relative, godchild etc.) I would probably give a gift that was religious in nature. Most of Liza's gifts were cross pendants, a pendant with her saint's name on it, a bible, and one lovely small doll in a first communion outfit. If the event is a religious occurence then I try to give something appropriately respectful....

and let me just say that you don't know me...I take great joy in giving and doing for my friends and family, I just seldom attach a monetary value to things and I value experiences and people over cash and gifts. I would much rather treat the young boy or girl to a special day out later to celebrate where we could spend time together. Each year on my birthday I tell my girlfriend -- 'experiences, not gifts' -- we get together with dear friends for dinner or I get a massage and take the afternoon off -- things aren't important. people and memories are.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:32pm
There are things you remember the rest of your life and someone bouncing a check at your wedding is one of them. It was not a very nice thing to do (also I had to pay the bouncing fee) especially when they KNEW there would be no money in the account until after the check bounced and THEN told us they would invite us over for dinner. She has no class and never will. I guess I should be happy that she behaved herself enough at the wedding because that was my biggest fear that she would be trashy there and she wasn't!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:32pm

Did you also sit down with your dd and talk about how wonderful it was for "Aunt Suzy" to take the time to be there for her special event? Teaching a child about spending and saving should not be a big part of a religious ceremony.

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:34pm
omg. diet coke spit.....you get the idea. lies do get old.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:35pm

Whoa now! I think we've finally stumbled onto something that is undebatably tacky!LOL


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:40pm
I NEVER said that people were not important as I have had all my kids' christenings' and communions' at my house because I could not afford to do it in a big catering hall and invited the most important people in their lives to them but there are people (not saying you are one of them) who just have no manners whatsoever and think they should get everything in life for free. My fil is exactly like this. He thinks $1 is alot! The only reason they gave us money for our wedding was that his wife does the bills and wrote the check.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:41pm
Absolutely. That is why I only invited the most important people in their lives to my home after the celebration.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:42pm

Sorry, too young for that one I guess!

What lies?

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