Will my child remember that I was a SAHM

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Will my child remember that I was a SAHM
3712
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 7:47pm

It struck me today that she might not.


I was sure I was doing the best thing for my children by staying home with them (two daughters-3 years old, and 4 months old). As I was talking to a dear aunt of mine (whose daughter is a working mother, since her infant was 12 weeks old), I felt my defensive bristles go up.


She went on and on about how "If she could do it all over again....she wouldn't have stayed home....." Then she told me a story in which her ds said to her, "mom, did you stay at home with us, or did you drop us off at daycare?" She almost died when he asked her that, because she stayed at home with her ds and dd until he entered kindergarten. Granted, many kindergartners haven't formed lasting memories by that age yet...but still. It got me thinking; is this ALL WORTH IT?


She was using it in her argument against staying at home. I have a Masters Degree in Counseling that I am not using. My career lies dormant at this time. We don't have cable, newspaper service, vacations, frills of any kind, new cars, etc. because of our money situation. We are middle-class and have sacrificed SO MUCH...only for me to hear from my aunt that..."her daughter needs to work to maintain their lifestyle." Yeah, driving a Volvo, she probably does....


I just need to hear from some of you who frequent this board and have solid opinions one way or the other on this topic.


Andrea

Two Delicious Daughters Call Me "Mommy!"


Picture003.jpgIMG_3599-1.jpg






Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photobucket

 &nb

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:44pm
honestly,i don't remember what my dds' got or who gave what. and i just think it's silly to step forward and APOLOGIZE for not gifting........it's not about my dd nor me expecting a thing so what the heck are you apologizing for outside maybe embarrassment because you (general) are the only one who didn't gift? shrug.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:46pm

You should hear the whole story, then....

Basically, we get this invitation out of the blue for the daughter of a cousin of DH's that he has not seen for 40 years. And it was up in the northeast, and we were driving to Maine for our summer vacation that year, so we looked at the map and thought, "Why not?" It was like a hundred miles out of our way, but DH thought it would be fun to see the cousin again and meet her kids, and we really haven't had that much contact with DH's extended family over the years although I've heard lots of stories, soo...

We realize that our kids are not invited -- their names are not on the invitation. And the kids are 13 and 9 that year, just about old enough to leave alone in a hotel for a few hours, you know? We get on a few travel sites and find, though, some feedback about the hotels nearest the wedding being "a little scary" in terms of their location in a major city and the potential for crime.

So I decide to call the cousin and ask for her feedback -- she knows the city, will the kids be OK for a few hours in such-and-such a hotel. And her response was, "I hope you are not angling for an invitation for the kids. Because me daughter is firm. No kids."
And I say of course not, but we will have the kids with us and need to leave them in a safe place and I was just wanting some feedback. And she says that she doesn't really know the area either and will get back to us. Only four or five days go by and she doesn't get back to us.

So I call her again and ask if it would be OK if my husband came alone? And she says, and I quote, "To tell the truth, we really had no idea EITHER of you would really want to come."

So DH sent a check for 25 bucks.

And we never heard from them again. But the check was cashed.

BTW, if I were marrying your ex-husband, I'd wear black, too. So it's not tacky in your case. ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:49pm
If I went to a party and was the only one who didn't bring a gift, it would be because I didn't know a gift was expected, and I would be embarrassed. And it would be a real kindness to me if my host did something to put me at ease.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:53pm
Not that you would do that, but why would someone go to most parties without a gift? How can they feel embarassed when most parties you give gifts to?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:00pm
I am thinking of situations that you might find yourself in where you didn't know a gift was expected. For instance, the confirmation thing. Here, gifts aren't really expected at confirmations among Anglos, especially at Protestant confirmations. But at Hispanic confirmations in the Catholic church, they are more common -- although still far from universal. I can see my son, being invited to attend a confirmation party for one of his friends, not knowing that everybody else was bringing a gift. Or the reverse case, my son inviting a friend who didn't know that he would be the only one actually bringing a gift. In either case, the only kid with the gift, or the only kid without one, would stick out, and it would be a real kindness on the host's part to help the kid feel less embarrassed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:07pm
That I would understand that. Here gifts are given for everything so to me I wouldn't know why someone would NOT come with a gift.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:21pm
i'm all for comfort and ease at get togehters...what's annoying,though is the apology for something you forgot to do when it really wasn't aobut forgetting at all. lies,lois.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:23pm
So what was it? They just didn't come through with a gift that they were expected to bring?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:33pm
Never said your kids weren't important to you. Looks to me like you have to do what you have to do. The question was will my child remember that I was a SAHM, all I said was that I thought they would, because I remember my mom being there with us.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:33pm
And I am the anti WOH in your book. My statements don't make me right to you, your statements don't make you right to me. We have different opinions and a different outlook on things, doesn't make me judgemental about you, I could say the same thing about what you have posted to me. "I would NEVER" is not a judgemental statement to me, it's just a fact of how I would do things when placed in the situation. I never said you were anti-parent or anti-child. But you are saying that I am anti-WOH, I'm not, it's just not for me or for my kids thats just the way I feel. If you and I didn't have differing opinions, then this wouldn't be a debate board would it.

Pages