Will my child remember that I was a SAHM

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Will my child remember that I was a SAHM
3712
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 7:47pm

It struck me today that she might not.


I was sure I was doing the best thing for my children by staying home with them (two daughters-3 years old, and 4 months old). As I was talking to a dear aunt of mine (whose daughter is a working mother, since her infant was 12 weeks old), I felt my defensive bristles go up.


She went on and on about how "If she could do it all over again....she wouldn't have stayed home....." Then she told me a story in which her ds said to her, "mom, did you stay at home with us, or did you drop us off at daycare?" She almost died when he asked her that, because she stayed at home with her ds and dd until he entered kindergarten. Granted, many kindergartners haven't formed lasting memories by that age yet...but still. It got me thinking; is this ALL WORTH IT?


She was using it in her argument against staying at home. I have a Masters Degree in Counseling that I am not using. My career lies dormant at this time. We don't have cable, newspaper service, vacations, frills of any kind, new cars, etc. because of our money situation. We are middle-class and have sacrificed SO MUCH...only for me to hear from my aunt that..."her daughter needs to work to maintain their lifestyle." Yeah, driving a Volvo, she probably does....


I just need to hear from some of you who frequent this board and have solid opinions one way or the other on this topic.


Andrea

Two Delicious Daughters Call Me "Mommy!"


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:38pm

Maybe they do feel embarrassed, but wrongly assumed that their presence at the party was what was important to the host.

As far as why they wouldn't bring a gift in the first place...there are lots of possible reasons. Maybe they recently had a huge unexpected expense and just couldn't afford it now. Maybe they had a wallet stolen with all their cash, credit cards and checkbook inside, and they can't get any cash until the bank opens on Monday. Maybe they were going to bring $1,000 but realized that morning that the dog had eaten their box of money.

The possibilities are limited only by the imagination, but that doesn't matter because for most people, it just isn't about the gifts.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:38pm
I Just received the all time tackiest wedding invitation..included in the invitation was a card saying "The happy couple are registered at blah blah blah" complete with store logos. Target, Macy's, Williams and Sonoma. I can't believe I received an invitation that actually included the red Target logo. And to top it off, the finishing line was "Save time...Shop Online!" Bad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:40pm
Oh. My. Gawd.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:41pm
I dont think my kids are carrying any burden, you think I'm walking around all day saying "ya know you kids, everything I do is for you and only you" why would I do something like that. And as far as going to school, I CHOOSE not to go until all of them are in school all day, then I will work a schedule around their schedule, and yes, when I am in school, I won't be able to go to all the stuff I go to now. The kids don't go to work with their dad when they are in school, when did I say that they did? They go in the summer, they go after school and on the weekends, they are still spending time with their dad. And why is it so difficult to understand that I can make it to all of the parties and games etc... My kids go to the SAME school, they aren't spread out in three or four, their school has 130 kids from Pre-K to 12th grade, sounds pretty possible to me, there are two buildings about 50 feet from one another, they are all right there in the same place, parties are usually in two or three classrooms in one building, that makes it pretty easy to attend them all, especially when they party two classes together at the same time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:41pm
Sure, maybe something like that happened but she said they told her they "forgot". I would have given the reason and apologized and then when I got everything straightened out, send a nice gift.
Do you REALLY think they forgot? You are probably not this type of person but there are people out there who are just going to parties for the free food and drinks. My fil is like this. If it wasn't for his wife, no one would probably ever get a gift.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:43pm
Do you give gifts at weddings in your area? We include these only in the shower invitations (and sometimes engagement) because we don't give gifts. I don't see why this would be tacky if you are going to give a gift, not money to the wedding.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:45pm
It wouldn't really matter to me if they really forgot or not. As the host, I wouldn't be *expecting* a gift.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:47pm

One more time, asking for or expecting a gift is tacky!!

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:47pm
"Forgetting" is a pretty lame excuse to me ESPECIALLY if they never get the person celebrating the day anything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:49pm
I can't speak for anyone else but I do not EXPECT a gift. It is just common knowledge that if someone is going to a party, they will bring one. I have never had anyone come over and NOT bring a gift for a bday party, christening, communion or housewarming party.

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