Will my child remember that I was a SAHM

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Will my child remember that I was a SAHM
3712
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 7:47pm

It struck me today that she might not.


I was sure I was doing the best thing for my children by staying home with them (two daughters-3 years old, and 4 months old). As I was talking to a dear aunt of mine (whose daughter is a working mother, since her infant was 12 weeks old), I felt my defensive bristles go up.


She went on and on about how "If she could do it all over again....she wouldn't have stayed home....." Then she told me a story in which her ds said to her, "mom, did you stay at home with us, or did you drop us off at daycare?" She almost died when he asked her that, because she stayed at home with her ds and dd until he entered kindergarten. Granted, many kindergartners haven't formed lasting memories by that age yet...but still. It got me thinking; is this ALL WORTH IT?


She was using it in her argument against staying at home. I have a Masters Degree in Counseling that I am not using. My career lies dormant at this time. We don't have cable, newspaper service, vacations, frills of any kind, new cars, etc. because of our money situation. We are middle-class and have sacrificed SO MUCH...only for me to hear from my aunt that..."her daughter needs to work to maintain their lifestyle." Yeah, driving a Volvo, she probably does....


I just need to hear from some of you who frequent this board and have solid opinions one way or the other on this topic.


Andrea

Two Delicious Daughters Call Me "Mommy!"


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:53pm

"I can't speak for anyone else but I do not EXPECT a gift."

Please...you have posted time and time again trashing, not only people who didn't give you a gift, but people who had the nerve not to give enough to satisfy you. Make up your mind!!

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:54pm
One should never solicit a gift, not for a shower or engagement party, or wedding. Never. Period. There is no gray area here. There are relatively few places in this country that people universally register, I am smart enough to find out where they are registered without being told. This whole thing is beyond the pale to me. And I had what most here would consider an outlandish wedding. I would never have expected, nor would my parents have expected, our guests to cover their plates. My parents wanted to throw an elaborate extravaganza for all the people we loved. It was a blast and none of us would have changed any part of it. Guests are guests--not meal tickets.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 3:02pm
The only person I trashed was the cousin who bounced her check. I'm sorry but you give a gift at a wedding or you don't go. I did not have a quicky wedding where I was asking for people to come and spend a ton of money in a couple of weeks. I was engaged 2 years before I got married and EVERYONE knew. Obviously they only thing they cared about was getting out for the night and having a free meal and drinks.
I'm sorry but if you are throwing a party, especially a wedding, you KNOW you are getting gifts. It is not a big surprise when someone hands you an envelope. I was VERY happy with all the gifts I got and was not expecting to get as much as I did. I was NOT there to make money as these other couples are doing nowadays. I was very appreciative of what I got as half of it helped us with a down payment on our house.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 3:02pm

so what's your point..are you condoning the lie about forgetting to bring a gift when you reality,you really didn't forget at all. you were just embarrassed about being the only one who didn't gift. is that it? why excuse it at all much less with a lie to cover up a habit of something you do on more than one occassion?

oh and no,i wouldn't know about expectations.......i sort of follow an ordinary,boring gift registry for a wedding and at least flowers if the invitation expects no gifts at all. shrug.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 3:05pm
Well every bridal and baby shower I have ever been invited to has had registry cards in the invitations. They have never bothered me and it was very helpful to know what they exactly want and need.
My parents did not throw us a wedding either for us to get money from guests but it is common knowledge (at least where I live) that you give a gift. You do not show up with nothing and try to tell people you "forgot"!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 3:08pm
No, it's isn't a nice diversion. You were making false statements, questions, however you want to put it about me.
Nice playing innocent, though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 3:10pm
You asked for a link to hazeleyes post about giving gifts at parties.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 3:11pm
You didn't say it but it was quite clear from your needing details and clarifications.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 3:13pm
I'm sorry. I was talking about cultural traditions that are practiced here. Sorry for the confusion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 3:14pm
So what? We are talking about weddings here. Nothing was ever mentioned about other countries until she brought up what would be considered child rape.

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