Will my child remember that I was a SAHM

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Will my child remember that I was a SAHM
3712
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 7:47pm

It struck me today that she might not.


I was sure I was doing the best thing for my children by staying home with them (two daughters-3 years old, and 4 months old). As I was talking to a dear aunt of mine (whose daughter is a working mother, since her infant was 12 weeks old), I felt my defensive bristles go up.


She went on and on about how "If she could do it all over again....she wouldn't have stayed home....." Then she told me a story in which her ds said to her, "mom, did you stay at home with us, or did you drop us off at daycare?" She almost died when he asked her that, because she stayed at home with her ds and dd until he entered kindergarten. Granted, many kindergartners haven't formed lasting memories by that age yet...but still. It got me thinking; is this ALL WORTH IT?


She was using it in her argument against staying at home. I have a Masters Degree in Counseling that I am not using. My career lies dormant at this time. We don't have cable, newspaper service, vacations, frills of any kind, new cars, etc. because of our money situation. We are middle-class and have sacrificed SO MUCH...only for me to hear from my aunt that..."her daughter needs to work to maintain their lifestyle." Yeah, driving a Volvo, she probably does....


I just need to hear from some of you who frequent this board and have solid opinions one way or the other on this topic.


Andrea

Two Delicious Daughters Call Me "Mommy!"


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 4:15pm
The difference is that with a personal communication, there would be more of a point to it, maybe in consideration of the fact that I live far away and might benefit from advance notice. If, OTOH, I happen to live around the block, a "Save the Date" card imo has an entirely different tone. However, I'm quite certain you wouldn't have any idea what I mean by that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 4:16pm
I have to agree with you on this. I think I would have begged her to please come but I guess she felt weird not being able to afford it.
I would not have let a friend not come to my wedding when I really wanted her there. I had a friend of a friend come that I did not know and had no problem with it! He was driving one of our friends cars and we told him just to come to the reception with us. He went home and changed and came.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 4:19pm

I think you probably get that I meant "exclusionary" in the sense of "tending to leave out those who might otherwise be able to attend and whose presence might be very important to the host/hostess".

<>

Let's hope you're never put to the test by anyone close enough to you for it to pose a dilemma.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 4:23pm
You don't actually believe that, do you? You could probably come up with plenty of creative "what ifs" yourself. But just for the sake of argument... Your son and his fiancee plan a ceremony at the top of a mountain... you are handicapped and entirely unable to negotiate this location... are you telling me you would swallow this without rancor of any kind? If so, then you're much more selfless than I.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 4:23pm
So, nothing at all; JMHO.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 4:25pm
Since I'm not a mind reader, I tend to avoid making any assumptions about the feelings of others.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 4:29pm

<> And I'm equally quite certain that you have no idea by what I have meant. It's just a notification. Period. The only "tone" given is that which you have INFERRED, which in fact, is probably the furthest it could be from what was actually meant, i.e. notification of an upcoming event.

I think I'm done. We're going to have to agree to disagree here.

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 4:32pm
Absolutely. I actually had all my best friends as my bridesmaids and even as struggling college students, they still all gave gifts.
If they had told me they couldn't afford it, I would have never said you can't come.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 5:03pm

Agree to disagree. I don't think there's anything tacky about the save-the-date cards at all.

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 5:09pm
never say never............

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