Will my child remember that I was a SAHM

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Will my child remember that I was a SAHM
3712
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 7:47pm

It struck me today that she might not.


I was sure I was doing the best thing for my children by staying home with them (two daughters-3 years old, and 4 months old). As I was talking to a dear aunt of mine (whose daughter is a working mother, since her infant was 12 weeks old), I felt my defensive bristles go up.


She went on and on about how "If she could do it all over again....she wouldn't have stayed home....." Then she told me a story in which her ds said to her, "mom, did you stay at home with us, or did you drop us off at daycare?" She almost died when he asked her that, because she stayed at home with her ds and dd until he entered kindergarten. Granted, many kindergartners haven't formed lasting memories by that age yet...but still. It got me thinking; is this ALL WORTH IT?


She was using it in her argument against staying at home. I have a Masters Degree in Counseling that I am not using. My career lies dormant at this time. We don't have cable, newspaper service, vacations, frills of any kind, new cars, etc. because of our money situation. We are middle-class and have sacrificed SO MUCH...only for me to hear from my aunt that..."her daughter needs to work to maintain their lifestyle." Yeah, driving a Volvo, she probably does....


I just need to hear from some of you who frequent this board and have solid opinions one way or the other on this topic.


Andrea

Two Delicious Daughters Call Me "Mommy!"


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 10:50am
I see your confusion; you still think for some reason we're only talking about the U.S. Actually, in some jurisdictions in the U.S., a girl can marry at only 13, with her parents' permission. But that aside, no, marriage doesn't equal rape at any age.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 10:50am
You compared a dollar dance to a man marrying a 12 year old. Is that rape here or not? we were speaking of dollar dances performed here in the USA.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 10:51am
yes, in these posts we were speaking of traditions performed at weddings in the US. no one mentioned another country. For you to bring up what would be considered a crime here is baffling.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 10:52am
A family member who would do that to another family member might be biologically close, but emotionally? No. It would be a true insult to a parent or grandparent to hold a wedding in a place that person couldn't possibly get to. It would bespeak a completely damaged relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 10:52am

"in some jurisdictions in the U.S., a girl can marry at only 13, with her parents' permission."

Ok, but you said 12, So that's still illegal, isn't it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 10:55am

If you mean statements were made suggesting you were playing some sort of ballgame, all I can say is that you should understand that comments made here are often much more figurative than literal.

And if you mean statements were made in disagreement with some of yours, all I can say is that in the absence of direct *proof*, one opinion is just as likely as another to be false.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 10:55am
If my son, knowing that I were disabled and couldn't climb a mountain, issued me an invitation to his wedding on top of a mountain, what else could it be but an insult? I mean, come on -- even my older one, in his worst moments of ADD-induced fog, wouldn't "forget" whether a parent were capable of climbing a mountain.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 10:56am
"If you mean statements were made suggesting you were playing some sort of ballgame, all I can say is that you should understand that comments made here are often much more figurative than literal"
ok, thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 10:57am
Well, I *did* mention other countries; if you don't see the connection there, I can't help you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 10:58am
And in other countries, a girl can be engaged or even married much earlier than that. Customs differ, both here and abroad. The point, in case you've forgotten, was that just because something is a custom somewhere, one doesn't have to approve of it.

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