Will my child remember that I was a SAHM

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Will my child remember that I was a SAHM
3712
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 7:47pm

It struck me today that she might not.


I was sure I was doing the best thing for my children by staying home with them (two daughters-3 years old, and 4 months old). As I was talking to a dear aunt of mine (whose daughter is a working mother, since her infant was 12 weeks old), I felt my defensive bristles go up.


She went on and on about how "If she could do it all over again....she wouldn't have stayed home....." Then she told me a story in which her ds said to her, "mom, did you stay at home with us, or did you drop us off at daycare?" She almost died when he asked her that, because she stayed at home with her ds and dd until he entered kindergarten. Granted, many kindergartners haven't formed lasting memories by that age yet...but still. It got me thinking; is this ALL WORTH IT?


She was using it in her argument against staying at home. I have a Masters Degree in Counseling that I am not using. My career lies dormant at this time. We don't have cable, newspaper service, vacations, frills of any kind, new cars, etc. because of our money situation. We are middle-class and have sacrificed SO MUCH...only for me to hear from my aunt that..."her daughter needs to work to maintain their lifestyle." Yeah, driving a Volvo, she probably does....


I just need to hear from some of you who frequent this board and have solid opinions one way or the other on this topic.


Andrea

Two Delicious Daughters Call Me "Mommy!"


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 5:36am
I don't know about SAHM's who "want their legacy remembered that way", but I do know SAHMs who might be surprised if their kids didn't remember they were SAHMs at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2007
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 7:43am

Oh, please. School is a child's job - it is not free play or "free time" as you incredibly suggest. So tack on the same faces, the same playgrounds and buildings in both beforecare and aftercare to make a 12-hour day, every day, every week, and you've got yourself a very similar situation to similarly ridiculous and unlikely hours at a job.

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Again, give me a break. It is not "free time" if the child is not at home and is ushered off to the beforecare- or aftercare-designated rooms in the schools. He doesn't get to sit and veg or watch t.v. or do whatever he chooses while the rest of the students are ushered off to the playground.

No one here could handle a 12-hour day, every day, every week whether as an adult at work or child at school. No one here has even said her children do this. Yet, you're still opposing Libbyfaith's idea without any credible basis.

And children of sahps do not spend time in before and after care, every day, every week, such that they are in school 60 hrs/wk as was under discussion. Please get back to reality.

But carry on the meaningless fight. No one here would allow this for her child.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2007
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 7:45am
And you as a corporate attorney formerly in private practice should know full-well that most people can't even handle a 12 hour day, every day, every week. And when those attorneys do work those hours, it is a means to an end, i.e., counsel or partnership, or whatever "downsizing" job they can get in the future.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 8:03am
Not even the Nordstrom's part?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 8:10am
The school part of the day maybe a student's "job" but all the schools I have been to have built in release and fun and *varied* activities- recess- P.E.- music- art- special plays and enrichment programs.... PLUS before and after programs are NOT school sturctured. Sure they may take place *at* a school or other facility but most time is devoted to free choice time, running around, reading, chatting, doing homeowrk..... sort of the same stuff that happens at home with children of a sahp or with a nanny. AND they do not see *the same* people at before and aftertime- there are kids from different classes and different aged kids in the programs - sort of like the neighborhood afterschool for sahm and nannycared children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 8:15am

Oh, here's what *real* daycare looks like:


http://www.kino.com/metropolis/


and


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 8:23am

This may be of interest.


http://www.stopfakes.gov/

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 8:38am

Yeah, it sure is

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2006
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 8:42am

This mythical 12hr day in the same building only seems to occur in libbyfaith's twilight zone world with the unfed and dirty kids exit fancy cars at 7am and get picked up at 7pm.

In my real world, after care is in a different building run by professional and volunteer staff, with both programmed activities, homework help, a lounge area where kids can veg out or read (no tv, tho). Pickup ball games can sometimes spontaneously organize on the grounds if there is enough interest. Our schools aftercare program resembles the neighborhood of my youth, 30 or 40 kids of various ages hanging out (though it has a lot more supervision) than my kids current situation, programmed activities, organized playdays, or home with only their family.

Why not? Do you spend all your free time at home?

Because the fight doesn't not exist in reality - I am sure that some need extended b/a care due to necessity - For example, I know a couple that had the sah spouse called up for the reserves to serve in Iraq, and the woh parent had a very long commute. They had to use extended care, probably 7-7. They're choices were limited, and they selected the best ones they find for the temporary situation that they "allowed" for their children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 8:43am
That was the part I did NOT get-lol!!

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