Will my child remember that I was a SAHM

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Will my child remember that I was a SAHM
3712
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 7:47pm

It struck me today that she might not.


I was sure I was doing the best thing for my children by staying home with them (two daughters-3 years old, and 4 months old). As I was talking to a dear aunt of mine (whose daughter is a working mother, since her infant was 12 weeks old), I felt my defensive bristles go up.


She went on and on about how "If she could do it all over again....she wouldn't have stayed home....." Then she told me a story in which her ds said to her, "mom, did you stay at home with us, or did you drop us off at daycare?" She almost died when he asked her that, because she stayed at home with her ds and dd until he entered kindergarten. Granted, many kindergartners haven't formed lasting memories by that age yet...but still. It got me thinking; is this ALL WORTH IT?


She was using it in her argument against staying at home. I have a Masters Degree in Counseling that I am not using. My career lies dormant at this time. We don't have cable, newspaper service, vacations, frills of any kind, new cars, etc. because of our money situation. We are middle-class and have sacrificed SO MUCH...only for me to hear from my aunt that..."her daughter needs to work to maintain their lifestyle." Yeah, driving a Volvo, she probably does....


I just need to hear from some of you who frequent this board and have solid opinions one way or the other on this topic.


Andrea

Two Delicious Daughters Call Me "Mommy!"


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 1:11pm
I'm hetero and not interested in purses or shoes. This is why I keep very honestly agreeing with hazeleyes that I could not differentiate between an authentic designer purse and a counterfeit. (I could also walk into a museum and not realize that an art thief had swapped a counterfeit for a Picasso.)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 1:21pm

i don't see many people carrying designer or designer-look bags around here, but i don't understand the attraction at all. i know i'm not the only person who thinks they make people look stupid--and not only if the bag is gaudy or ugly (as most of them are), but because in all but a very few very wealthy communities they broadcast that the carrier is either (1) a thief if it is a knock-off or (2) a fool with her money (or the beneficiary of such a fool) on the ever-so-slim chance that it is real. there might be some very, very few exceptions to these rules, but they are so few that they don't really do any harm to the generalizations anyplace but in the pages of people magazine and in a few raified environments like those surrounding rodeo drive and the miracle mile.

designer and designer knock-off handbags look good in the same way that baggy drawers that hang halfway down their wearers' backsides, exposing their snazzy boxer shorts, look good: only in the eyes of fellow fashion victims.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 1:26pm
Yes I would. It is a head shaker that is for sure.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 1:29pm
That is your opinion. You are not into designer bags so non look good to you. That doesn't mean other people don't like them. I have real bags, one I paid $500 for many years ago so not only the wealthy buy real bags. Every woman in my family and now my sil is into them owns a real bag. Some are wealthy, some are not. I don't consider someone has to be wealthy to buy a $200-$300 bag. They are just treating themselves.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 1:30pm
I guess the better question is...Why is having a *designer bag* so important to you? I must say that my SIL really loves those Coach bags, but I dont get it. I cant understand why something that you throw a wallet, and keys in is so important. I have a nice leather bag I paid about $50 for at an outlet store. I think it is NY & Co. I could care less who made it just that it is functional. I just dont understand the wow factor for these bags.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 1:31pm
Sure you are. You wouldnt buy fakes if you werent trying to impress people. You can get a great quality bag for way less than a fake.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2007
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 1:33pm
Probably not. However as time went on I began to.

   

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 1:35pm
I guess because it is just something I have always been into. I got my first real bag at 19.
I like all different kinds but am very picky. I usually research them out alot before I decide to buy one, even the fake ones. I don't buy them because they are designer. I have other bags that I carry that are not.
At a family function someone commented how every woman in the family owns a designer bag (mine was probably the only fake one that day-lol!). My sil is into the bags now too which she never was.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 1:37pm
And I do have bags that are not designer but I like the certain looks of bags and I have been more attracted to the designers more than the not for over 15 years.
I am not trying to impress anyone as I can afford the real bags if I wanted to but I would rather spend the money on my kids right now.
When we have family functions, no one is impressed with bags as everyone has a real designer bag. That is just what is in where I live and what my family, sil and friends enjoy.
My gf at work is TOTALLY into shoes. I could never get into them like she does but it is the same way with my bags.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 1:37pm

I must be another anomoly. I think each individual family's decision to care for their children is important. However, I do not feel that SAH or WOH is the answer for every parent/family. There are some children for whom an at-home care situation is best. THere are some children for whom a daycare center situation is best. There are soe children for whom a small home daycare situation is best. However, the majority can thrive in all three situations.

There are some families for whom having dual ft wohps is the best. For others a ftwoh/ftsah is best. Others have found ptwoh/ptwoh works best.

However, children tend to respond well to good parenting and that happens regardless of their parent's work status. In that way, being a sahp or wohp doesn't change the outcome of the child.

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