Will my child remember that I was a SAHM

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Will my child remember that I was a SAHM
3712
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 7:47pm

It struck me today that she might not.


I was sure I was doing the best thing for my children by staying home with them (two daughters-3 years old, and 4 months old). As I was talking to a dear aunt of mine (whose daughter is a working mother, since her infant was 12 weeks old), I felt my defensive bristles go up.


She went on and on about how "If she could do it all over again....she wouldn't have stayed home....." Then she told me a story in which her ds said to her, "mom, did you stay at home with us, or did you drop us off at daycare?" She almost died when he asked her that, because she stayed at home with her ds and dd until he entered kindergarten. Granted, many kindergartners haven't formed lasting memories by that age yet...but still. It got me thinking; is this ALL WORTH IT?


She was using it in her argument against staying at home. I have a Masters Degree in Counseling that I am not using. My career lies dormant at this time. We don't have cable, newspaper service, vacations, frills of any kind, new cars, etc. because of our money situation. We are middle-class and have sacrificed SO MUCH...only for me to hear from my aunt that..."her daughter needs to work to maintain their lifestyle." Yeah, driving a Volvo, she probably does....


I just need to hear from some of you who frequent this board and have solid opinions one way or the other on this topic.


Andrea

Two Delicious Daughters Call Me "Mommy!"


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 1:42pm
So, what's with the support for one illegal activity and not another. How can you justify that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 1:45pm

I have a suspicion that some exceptionally expensive designer bags are ugly on purpose and that ugliness is a way of displaying extreme wealth. I decided this after reading a quote from Paris Hilton or some other very wealthy girl that she could afford to buy neon green pumps (an interviewer commented on them) because she didn't have to worry that a pair of very expensive shoes only matched one outfit that she would never wear again. She was saying that she was wealthy enough that 2,000$ (or whatever) shoes were essentially disposable to her and versatility was not a concern.

Then it hit me. The expensive bags are ugly ON PURPOSE because they broadcast the message "I have so much money that I don't need to make sensible purchases that match everything." Of course, this message gets pretty garbled when the purchaser actually doesn't have P.Hilton levels of money and really does need the bag to match more than one outfit. (And so then has to talk themselves into believing that it does, rather than cavalierly treating it as disposable as the actually rich do.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 1:45pm
You can afford the real ones? I thought you said you guys get by on both your incomes? Now you can afford $400 bags? Which is it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 1:47pm

You wouldn't have to pay as many tax dollars if you didn't support counterfeit goods.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 1:50pm
The inconsistencies are a riot.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 1:55pm
it hs to be asked, where does their woh father fit into this final product? once kids hit age 5 or so and start school the time spent with family, regardless of sah or woh is pretty much the same - unless you choose to homeschool, and do kids really have that many memories in adulthood of when they were 2, 3 and 4 years old - i know i dont. and the ones i do have are not a product of my mom being at home but are memories of family and things we did as a family. unfortunately for you you dont get to choose what your children remember. i dont imagine that by the time my kids are adults that whether or not i sah will even register on the memroy scale - they will have too many other wonderful experiences to remember for there to be room for something so irrelevent.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 2:01pm

Off-hand, I can think of quite a few reasons I wouldn't care to use your "mom's group" rather than an established after-school care program. From what you have disclosed about your neighborhood, I would worry about some of the homes that are part of your group having older siblings or moms' boyfriends that might not be a good or safe addition to my child's life; I'd worry about drugs and guns in the homes; I'd worry about unqualified caregivers providing inadequate supervision; I would prefer a situation where people are qualified to help with homework and set up age-appropriate activities. I could go on. It's great if you are comfortable with the group you have established, but it wouldn't interest me.

You seem to want people to agree with you that people not choosing your mom's group are bad parents. That's very likely not the case.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 2:02pm
itis not control and manipulation at all - it is expectations, which we all have for our children. in our home we expect our children to start kindergarten when they are ready, we expect them to move on to jr high and then on to high school. we also expect them to move on to college. it is all the same. just as i wouldnt expect my kids to not go to high school i wouldnt expect them to not go to college. in our home we never talk about school as being finished until college is completed. my oldest is going to be a senior next year and she would never even think about not making the natural transisition onto college - it is just how she has been raised.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 2:06pm

Actually, the OP did say that it was SAHP's and PTWOHP's using her school's care for 60 hours/week.

Have you ever observed your school's after-care program? Ours is pretty low-key and fun, and kids can choose what they want to do (or if they just want to veg out and read).

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 2:21pm

They should be doing both, and they do do both. They are usually pretty good about prioritizing these things. We don't need to do it for them.


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