WOH and sleeping issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
WOH and sleeping issues
2315
Sun, 05-22-2005 - 10:34am

We were at a dinner party last night at the home of one of dh's coworkers. They have 2 boys, 6 and 4. They have a bunch of sleeping issues (kids 'scared' at night, won't fall asleep in their own bed, won't go to bed without mom or dad cuddling them, etc.) The mom blames herself because since she works all day and misses them so much she tends to cuddle with them late at night and they fall asleep in a pile on the bed all together. She said that if she SAH, they wouldn't have the same issues.


I sah. For us, bed time is a rigid, welcome respite at the end of the day. Dh has no desire to keep them up either, lol.

Meldi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 7:08am
I hope you had a Happy Birthday!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 7:14am
"Wouldn't you want to intervene and be more aggressive if you see your child's feelings get hurt 9 and 10 times by a 'friend?' Isn't that part of parenting?" No. No part of parenting is cutting off your child's relationships. A big part of parenting is helping your child become self confident and independent. You do that, they take care of their relationships appropriately on their own. "You can ask Dogma, but I certainly don't allow into my inner circle of friends people who mistreat me 9 and 10 times." Well good. Somewhere along the line you learned how to do that for yourself. It wasn't because your parents kept you away from kids they didn't want you to befriend. "I wouldn't lower my standards for my children in the pursuit of appearing to be an 'easy-going' parent." Who's trying to appear to be an 'easy-going' parent? My standards for friendship aren't the standards for my child's friendships, and they shouldn't be. He's supposed to develop his own, and that's what he's doing by interacting with other kids without my interference. "That smacks of trying to be a child's friend rather than his parent, and I don't think that's a good way to parent a child of tender years." Um, no, it smacks of respecting my child as a human being in his own right who is learning how to become a grownup. Deciding for him who he's supposed to like smacks of trying to keep him a child in perpetuity, and I don't think that's a good way to 'parent' a child of any years.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 7:19am
So don't. No WWIII can occur if either side's not participating.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 7:20am

Have you had any stress in parenting? I recall you once describing your son in the car crying while you and your DH tried to calm him with singing. It was a full Genuardi?

That was the most stress I felt in parenting so far - driving with a pre-verbal child crying with me unable to calm the child. *I don't remember your son's age,* just that I've never had that problem after the children were probably age 18 months or so.

The fear of a child pulling a full Genuardi in the car kept me from driving long distances in their early months especially. It was very stressful. Did you find that experience stressful?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 7:27am

<> But why is this something the child has to experience to learn from? Can't you ever give your child advice? If a "friend" mistreats a child 1 or 2 times, hopefully my child will learn at that point.

If it a "friend" mistreats a child 9 and 10 times, I have to assume my child has not learned to protect his feelings. Rather, he's learning to be what you know I abhor - a doormat.

<> I still think it smacks of a parent trying to be a friend, rather than a parent. I could never tell my child what to like or dislike - that's out of anybody's control. But I can keep him from getting mistreated by somebody 9 and 10 times. I just couldn't stand by and watch a stranger or a teacher or a coach mistreat my child 9 and 10 times. I wonder why a "friend" is given that permission from you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 7:28am
Can you explain?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 7:32am

No, we found it pretty darn funny. Neither of us were upset by it. Why would anything that's obviously got to resolve itself in a reasonable period of time stress either of us?

When there was a recent thread about when people took their child on a vacation for the first time, I noticed some people talked about 3-4 hour drives to visit family. I hadn't even been counting those, we took a 4.5 hour drive to visit my parents probably once a month, beginning when he was a few weeks old. Yes, sometimes he cried, and hard. That's why there are radios and rest stops. No problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 7:39am

I do talk to him, for heaven's sake. That doesn't extend to "so-and-so can't be your friend any more." He's in school. He spends time with whoever he wants to there. Even if I wanted to prohibit him from interacting with a child, I wouldn't be able to do that, short of pulling him from the school. It has nothing to do with giving anyone my "permission."

A teacher and a coach are not on the same level as a child and the same rules do not apply. (Although I must say, I was extremely impressed when DS talked to his preschool teacher and told her that when she used her angry voice with him, it gave him the "cold pricklies" and made it harder for him to hear what she had to say, but when she used her happy voice, it made it easier for him to understand what it was she wanted from him. They gave each other a 'high five' after that, and that was the end of her speaking harshly to him. That was much more effective a conversation coming from him than anything I could have had with her.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 7:41am
Explain what? How not to have an argument with a tired preverbal child?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 7:48am
I feel stress when my child is crying and unhappy and I can't do a thing to calm her/him. Sometimes children's music and rest stops didn't help on long car drives. My feeling of being helpless contributed to the stress. My feeling was that I'm a parent and should be able to calm a frustrated, unhappy, perhaps overtired child.

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