WOH and sleeping issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
WOH and sleeping issues
2315
Sun, 05-22-2005 - 10:34am

We were at a dinner party last night at the home of one of dh's coworkers. They have 2 boys, 6 and 4. They have a bunch of sleeping issues (kids 'scared' at night, won't fall asleep in their own bed, won't go to bed without mom or dad cuddling them, etc.) The mom blames herself because since she works all day and misses them so much she tends to cuddle with them late at night and they fall asleep in a pile on the bed all together. She said that if she SAH, they wouldn't have the same issues.


I sah. For us, bed time is a rigid, welcome respite at the end of the day. Dh has no desire to keep them up either, lol.

Meldi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 5:38pm
They have actually kind of negotiated a new, more mature relationship over the last few months. The most stress we have now is that DS#1 doesn't like having DS#2's friends over all the time because they are immature. That's a 13 year old's way of saying "they hog the Nintendo."
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 5:41pm
Are you assuming that the children aren't getting anything out of attending the party themselves? There's a lot more to families socializing than just when/how/if kids are going to be able to fall asleep comfortably in a strange setting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 5:41pm
Crying? Literally crying? Lots of kids say they are bored (and mean it) but to be reduced to tears???? I can only assume you were no fun at all to play with or she would have played with you. Or found something to do. But crying? Haw!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 5:42pm
You know, I am guessing that people do things differently in different areas of the world, and that's OK, you know? I wouldn't presume to tell you what's OK in the leagues your kids play in and I find it rather ridiculous that you are presuming to decide what's all right in our leagues.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 5:44pm
But your sister didn't just say she was bored like all kids do. You said she was crying. Actually crying. Or by "crying" did you actually mean "whining"? Because that would be a lot less weird.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 5:51pm

Are you saying that your 5 year old is incapable of playing for more than 10 minutes with another friend(s)? I wasn't sure by your answer.

Now, funny that this is the topic; because I have been sitting here with 3 five yr olds (my son and his two friends) since 9:00 am. (not to mention my 5 month old. They have been playing outside and coming into the playroom and his room all day. We have the usual squirmishes of: she took this, he did that. Carlos said heeeee wooooon't beeeee myyy frieeeeend anymoooorrreee. But those are solved by my telling them to figure it out or I will take away said toy or that since they can't play nicely they can play seperately. They can play together for waaaaay longer than 10 minutes befor that happens. Usually an hour or so.

OK....perfect example.... my son just ran in behind his friend. Carlos is pleading for her not to tell me what happened. I am laughing to myself because of what I am posting and what is happening IRL. "Carlos pushed me off the trapeze!!!!!" Asked Carlos. He confirmed it. Carlos is not allowed on trapeze for the rest of the day. He says "WAAAAAA" I say go to your room if you want to cry or go back out and play. He went back out to play. They are all playing in the sand box with the water right now. Problem solved. They know that not playing nicely together or coming to me with some complaint will result in things being taken away or them being separated. As a result, they play really well together.

But also ds & my other gf's kids play really well together. We usually get to sit around and chit chat and they are off playing. We rarely will interfere with them playing. It's no fun for them. no fun for us.

That being said, I know that their are ALOT of people who would not do what I am doing. (which is watching my ds, two other kids and a 5 month old) These particular kids are my best friend's (friends for 35 years) kids. They are like my own. I enjoy it. It doesn't stress me nor does it bother me. My 5 month old LOVES to watch them play and they Crack him up. The only way that I would have real stress is if I was rushing someone to the hospital. Other than that it works for me. I know that people have different personalities and that my Best friend would see what I am doing as a personal form of torture.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 5:55pm
We had a couple of sessions early this fall because we were fighting too much about his homework and lackadaisical attitude toward school. I was looking for ways to break the destructive patterns that we'd established. Part of it involved me learning to let go and realize that it was HIS homework and HIS success or failure, not mine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 6:00pm
It really helps with the fun relaxing for grownups if everybody has an attitude of whoever is nearest to a kid will fix the problem (remove rock from mouth etc.). That way you don't have to be stressing about where your kid is the whole time because somebody else is also keeping an eye out that they don't start eating woodchips. And when one runs past you holding a fork, you stop them and tell them not to run with a fork, even if they aren't yours. This obviously only works if it works for everybody. But I've never yet had it NOT work and it is WAYY!!!! more fun and relaxing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 6:04pm

That is how we do it with our group of friends. It's not uncommon for someone to come in and say "you ds and so&so were fighting over the truck so I told them to knock it off or the were going inside." To which I would repy "Oh,Thanks! By the time I meandered out to ds and so&so they were playing fine or mved on to something else.

I totally agree with everything you have said through out this thread. I haven't been able to jump in because of time constaints. But alot of your get togethers sound like ours...... relaxed and fun.

BTW...the post about your DH "saving" your table with the baby was too much. I was literally LOL at that one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 6:06pm

The times that I did this (the pack and play at a friend's house) I thought, "Everyone does this, no big deal!" Aspen would go to sleep I could hang out longer. Perfect.


And it was...till the drive home. Each time (and I did try this more than once), Aspen would wake up and then STAY awake for HOURS!!! One time we didn't get to bed till 3:30 and she was up at 6am.


Better off just staying home :(


Meldi


Meldi

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