WOH and sleeping issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
WOH and sleeping issues
2315
Sun, 05-22-2005 - 10:34am

We were at a dinner party last night at the home of one of dh's coworkers. They have 2 boys, 6 and 4. They have a bunch of sleeping issues (kids 'scared' at night, won't fall asleep in their own bed, won't go to bed without mom or dad cuddling them, etc.) The mom blames herself because since she works all day and misses them so much she tends to cuddle with them late at night and they fall asleep in a pile on the bed all together. She said that if she SAH, they wouldn't have the same issues.


I sah. For us, bed time is a rigid, welcome respite at the end of the day. Dh has no desire to keep them up either, lol.

Meldi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 7:42am
Wow. Your friends would think your 5 YO child was ill behaved if she started a fight, broke something, or ate all of the pigs-in-the-blankets? Have these friends of yours ever met any 5 YOs? My friends would think my child was, well, a 5 YO if over the course of an evening he started a fight, broke something, or ate all of the pigs-in-the-blankets. Well, maybe if he ate all the cocktail weenies, never seen a kid eat pigs-in-the-blankets. (Of course I'd deal with any fight he was in if the kids didn't settle it themselves, and offer to pay for anything he broke. Hosts would be out of luck on the pigs-in-the-blankets, though, I assume they were provided so as to be eaten.)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 7:49am
You just told me that your standards for unsupervised 5 yr old behaviour in your home aren't the kind that would be acceptable anywhere else. Why not enforce some standards at home that your children may be expected to avoid behaving like destructive, aggressive little pigs at anyone elses?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 7:57am
That's why I "keep an eye" on my 5 yr-old - to make sure none of those things happen. I get to confirm what I hope to be true. But when you plant yourself in the same place all evening, you just don't know for certain. Or are you a psychic?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 7:58am
WHELL THEN. If you don't want them opting for fun instead of needed sleep you better refer to one of my previous posts. Which explained how you better see that they learn to fly that thing about "I'm tired but my brothers not so I go to bed and he gets to play". Before they get to college and have to deal with "I have an exam tomorrow but none of my friends do...now do I get to stay out and drink till all hours and have fun with them - or do I go home to sleep?" Or "I've been studying hard for weeks and I'm exhausted. Yet all my friends are here partying hard. Do I stay and party and add inebriation and a hangover to my already run down self, and pretty much ensure that I'm going to get sick, or do I take my first opportunity to rest in weeks and go get some and try to avoid getting sick?"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 8:02am

"I resent the notion that I did my child a life-long disservice by not having the occassion to make them sleep at a fireworks display." My notion of what is a disservice to a child is not having the thrill of having been allowed to have SEEN a fireworks display. (And no one makes a child sleep at one. They either do, or they don't.)

"Isn't there something that rules such functions in humans? Hmmm....what's that word....genes?" No. There may be something, what's that word, genes! that has some influence on the matter. The other part of the equation is, what's that word. . . conditioning! And that's got to start pretty early, otherwise, it's a change, which is harder.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 8:02am

<> Friends or family MIGHT. And I definitely would. So, that's what's important - that we leave not having offended. It takes little effort on my and DH's part, and then we can leave without any concerns.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 8:05am
Thats the point. Who wants a child to fall asleep in the car at 4pm. They'll be up till midnight. Worth avoiding. Of course forcing them to eat something, which they don't particulariy want to eat, under those circumstances, will cause much nashing of teeth and wailing and flailing of small fists. And stress for all. I'm not sure why anyone would try that! Altough given what I've read here, I'm about absolutely positive there are those who would offer the child a yummy spoon of cod liver oil - then claim the tactic didn't cause anything but stress. But anyway, thats why we use candy. Get to avoid the forcing, the nashing, the wailing, the flailing and the stress, all with about 5cents worth of dry goods and one simple phrase "Here, look what I have!"
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 8:08am

Yesterday, the gold standard of parenting on this board was "hands-off," just ignore it and it will go away, blast the radio until the child crashes on his own, be easy-going, no problem, no hills to die on.

Today, you're actually advising me to discipline? I thought discipline was "out" on this board. A big no-no??

(BTW, it's not children who are pigs. It's pigs-in-the-blankets!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 8:09am
Perhaps her children will handle that when they are in college by looking at their watches and saying, "Ooops! Seven o'clock! Mom always said Dr. Weissbluth says that's my witching hour! I'm so used never to having any fun and going to bed by what the clock says, rather than what my body says, that it isn't even the slightest bit tempting to stay up and hang out. Besides, Mom isn't here to make sure I'm making appropriate choices of people with whom to hang out, so I daren't. Nighty night, everyone! Make sure not to make a ruckus when you come in, it won't be healthy for me!"
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Wed, 06-08-2005 - 8:12am

You must know people with enormous houses. I can't otherwise understand how it would be possible not notice a fight going on. I would assume that the food must also be placed somewhere completely invisible to all adults at all times? If food is being shared in another room among children alone, any unfair distribution will be noted and brought to the attention to grownups (as in "he got more than I did!"). As for toy breakage....the very rare occasions when a toy has been broken, it has been brought immediately to my attention by my children, usually with tears because they were so upset and embarrassed. In any case, with a crowd of children hanging out together, any broken toys usually gets reported from several different sources at once.

And I've never been to a party where any of the adults were "planted" at all times throughout the evening. You aware that there is a vast middle ground between "hovering" and "completely tuning out", right? But knock yourself out hovering....I can't help wondering, though, how you think a kindergarten teacher is managing 20 5 yos on a daily basis. It certainly isn't possible to hover over 20 at once and I would image that precious little teaching would get accomplished if 5 yo couldn't be trusted not to start fights and break things. When exactly do you expect and trust that your children have developed some basic respect and manners?

Laura

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