WOH and sleeping issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
WOH and sleeping issues
2315
Sun, 05-22-2005 - 10:34am

We were at a dinner party last night at the home of one of dh's coworkers. They have 2 boys, 6 and 4. They have a bunch of sleeping issues (kids 'scared' at night, won't fall asleep in their own bed, won't go to bed without mom or dad cuddling them, etc.) The mom blames herself because since she works all day and misses them so much she tends to cuddle with them late at night and they fall asleep in a pile on the bed all together. She said that if she SAH, they wouldn't have the same issues.


I sah. For us, bed time is a rigid, welcome respite at the end of the day. Dh has no desire to keep them up either, lol.

Meldi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 4:01pm
I can be supportive after the fact when there's nothing I could do.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 4:05pm

I know it sounds really bad to you, but he was fine. He learned a lot about himself and his ability to handle the baby without his wife and I learned that I *don't* need to be the savior in every situation.


If he had truly needed me, I would have been there for him and although I would have been equally scared and frusturated because of my location, I wouldn't have been angry at him. But, I am glad that he made it though on his own. Sometimes, that's important too.


Meldi

Meldi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 4:11pm

I'm with MW -- we've all been there before. My first son not only had severe reflux that kept him up at night, he also wasn't able to nurse, so I had to pump his breastmilk for him. It was get up, feed him, change him, burp him, put him down, then pump breastmilk for 30 minutes.

Such is life with a newborn. It doesn't compare at all to being woken by a toddler or preschooler who's had a bad dream or needs to use the bathroom.

Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 4:21pm
I don't want you to say anything. I wasn't even posting to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 4:31pm
Sure.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 4:43pm

How am I living proof?


You mean to tell me that WOHMs put their kids to bed b/f 8 pm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 4:50pm
"You are not supposed to feel any way at all." Maybe per you, but I wasn't really asking you. Melissa's post most certainly suggests that SHE finds it amazing that a MOM might not feel guilty or deeply worried if she were on a trip when her child had a cold. Hence, the question - are MOMs supposed to feel differently about colds than dads? My DH was on a trip - also out of the country - when my DS had his first real couldn't-keep-down-anything-even-his-meds-pukefest. Was it amazing or impressive that my DH neither flew home nor was wracked with guilt or deep worry, despite knowing the full extent of the vomiting? I didn't happen to think it was either amazing or impressive, or that it would have been at all remarkable if I had been the one on the trip, because I would have had the same response he did - but maybe I'm wrong, maybe my having breasts makes a big difference I'm not aware of.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 5:14pm

You know, I have four children that didn't just show up at my doorstop fully formed and sleeping through the night. I had them in five and a half years. I have a husband who has a sleep disorder and snored very loudly before he found treatment and I've been sleeping with him for nineteen or so odd years. Don't talk to me about sleep deprivation, please. I've had to skip sleeping altogether from time to time in order to accomplish what I needed to accomplish. Perhaps some people handle sleep deprivation differently than others, that must be true. But the way you are spouting off here now makes you sound like you have some medical condition or mental disorder if you cannot function at all without optimal sleep every night. (Or you are just extremely hard-headed about this topic.) Have you considered seeking medical advice for your extreme need for a certain kind and amount of sleep?

I will admit that not getting enough sleep can make one cranky but I guess my attitude about that is Get Over It. Learn to cope. I had to figure out how to manage and my response has been completely different than yours. Instead of protecting my sleep to all extremes, I just figure out how to cope with the sleep deprivation in the first place. No, it doesn't feel great to be sleep deprived and I do take measures from time to time to nip it in the bud for myself (I've got my tricks to surviving it) but to live a life trying to avoid sleep deprivation at all costs is not a life I want to live. I believe I have become conditioned to handle the extreme sleep deprivation. I can now tolerate sleep deprivation much more easily than I could when I first became a parent.

It isn't that I don't have compassion for your situation but you make me want to shout, "Suck it up!" If you think I am being callous, I would suggest you look into the possibility that you are outside the norm of what sleep deprivation does to a healthy person. (And maybe I'm outside the norm myself, but on the other side. AND I would contend that I "worked" my way up to a certain tolerance of sleep deprivation.)

Your complete inflexibility on the topic is hard for me to swallow. The fact that you feel the same way about your dh's need for sleep also boggles my mind. I'm wondering how you are going to deal with older children who stay up past your bedtime and ruin your non-work, non-parenting time that you so cherish.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 5:21pm

What do you call extreme sleep deprivation?


Can you give some examples?

"(T)he feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." -- Pat Robertson, 1993









"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 5:38pm

Sigh. I wish you would stop beating around the bush and would just say what you really feel.

My nomination for Single Sentence of the Week: "It isn't that I don't have compassion for your situation but you make me want to shout, 'Suck it up!'"

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