WOH and sleeping issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
WOH and sleeping issues
2315
Sun, 05-22-2005 - 10:34am

We were at a dinner party last night at the home of one of dh's coworkers. They have 2 boys, 6 and 4. They have a bunch of sleeping issues (kids 'scared' at night, won't fall asleep in their own bed, won't go to bed without mom or dad cuddling them, etc.) The mom blames herself because since she works all day and misses them so much she tends to cuddle with them late at night and they fall asleep in a pile on the bed all together. She said that if she SAH, they wouldn't have the same issues.


I sah. For us, bed time is a rigid, welcome respite at the end of the day. Dh has no desire to keep them up either, lol.

Meldi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 9:08am

I don't know about you. . .but I typically sleep much longer than I'm on the phone, that's why I discourage my kids from interrupting me on the phone. . .they know I'll be off the phone in a moment.


When dh is home, if one parent is up and the other parent is asleep then the sleeping parent is left alone and the awake parent deals with issues.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 9:08am

"By discouraging I would mean (after a certain age) parents locking their bedroom door and asking that the children knock, etc." That's a style preference that has zero to do with whether a child is actually discouraged from knocking, as far as I can see.

"Or telling the kids not to bother (and yes, I mean bother) mommy and daddy unless it's an emergency." Yes, I do frown on that approach, but I suppose it means what you mean by "emergency." To me, "emergency" means the house is on fire. Not even Felicia wants her children to wait for an event like that, though, so you'll perhaps have to define emergency. I'm hoping you don't think your child ought to huddle alone in the dark crying over a nightmare rather than "bother" you.

I don't see any indication that any parent here, other than perhaps you and Felicia, has an approach which doesn't boil down to something like "I hope and believe you can sleep well in your own room, but (I am/Daddy and I are) always here if you need (me/us), and don't hesitate if you do." I don't think anyone has written anything which suggests to their children, "Hey, party in my room at 3 a.m.!"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 9:09am

This is a very, very interesting post.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 9:10am

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Even if the dog is in the same room with them...and he is awake? I never slept when the children were awake. Unless DH were home. As a sleep-deprived sahp, I could put my feet up on a couch with the tv on while the kids played. I could zone out for a while. You can't do the same at work.

I don't see a need to distinguish sleep deprivation when children are babies versus toddlers and older. It's all pretty bad and must reach desperation levels when it goes on for years and years. I've read the thread and I'm speaking only of baby sleep because that was when I experienced sleep deprivation with my children. If it had gone on for years and years, PNJ's complaints would pale in comparison to mine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 9:11am
But even if you couldn't sleep while DS was awake, you could hang out on the couch if you're tired and skip the more physically challenging activities for the day, right?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 9:13am

"The 'optional' parts of my life, the ones that make me unique and give me personal pleasure, really suffer. I don't honestly know how to 'suck it up' and cope with that." How 'bout, don't expect that you will be able to have that every day, and enjoy it on the vast majority of days on which you can?

"Even if you can be a great mom to all of your children when sleep deprived, are you as enthusiastic a friend and as devoted a lover to your DH at that time?" What does it matter? Unless you're not able to be "as enthusiastic a friend and as devoted a lover" for very long unbroken stretches at a time, is the marriage really going to crumble?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 9:15am
Don't you believe in prayer?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 9:15am
Pray tell, what does a corporate attorney ever do that's physically challenging?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 9:21am

"Why should I 'suck it up', without complaining?" You are taking either suzymomm or me incorrectly if you think either of us said you should. Please refer the following from suzymomm's subsequent post, with which I strongly agree:

"I never suggested anyone stifle their thoughts about sleep deprivation. Not at all. Talk about it all day long, I don't mind. When I mentioned wanting to say, 'Suck it up,' it was in regards to someone having this notion that optimal quantity and quality of sleep was far more important than granting certain nighttime requests coming from small children AND/OR communicating with a spouse about emergencies/deep concerns/emotional issues currently happening."

Please. Don't apologize. No point in debate if people aren't honest.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 9:22am
I forget when I'm posting to you that you're not about "optimizing" or "maximizing" things.

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