WOH and sleeping issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
WOH and sleeping issues
2315
Sun, 05-22-2005 - 10:34am

We were at a dinner party last night at the home of one of dh's coworkers. They have 2 boys, 6 and 4. They have a bunch of sleeping issues (kids 'scared' at night, won't fall asleep in their own bed, won't go to bed without mom or dad cuddling them, etc.) The mom blames herself because since she works all day and misses them so much she tends to cuddle with them late at night and they fall asleep in a pile on the bed all together. She said that if she SAH, they wouldn't have the same issues.


I sah. For us, bed time is a rigid, welcome respite at the end of the day. Dh has no desire to keep them up either, lol.

Meldi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 10:23am
No, I can't really be as enthusiastic a friend and as devoted a lover to my dh when I am sleep deprived. But that's one of the costs of parenthood, I suppose. Our relationship can handle it. (So far, that is.)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 10:31am

My ds just turned 6 and he goes to bed between 915-945. He gets up on his own by 730 every morning. He has just never needed a whole lot of sleep.


Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 10:53am
I guess it boils down to me being much more dissatisfied with sacrificing something in those areas of my life in order to parent than you are.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 11:03am
But what if they did have some emotional need akin to Virgo's children missing their dad - something bothering them at school or an issue with you or their dad - that was making it difficult for them to sleep? How would you discourage them from waking you over such an issue?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 11:21am
I didn't read the whole thread, but IMO sleep issues belong to parents, not to kids. Kids will sleep wherever and whenever they need to. Eventually their sleep routines will fall into a pattern. Some kids need help to do that, and some kids handle it on their own. If they need help establishing patterns about when, where and with whom to sleep, and we don't provide it, is it fair to blame them? And if their sleep patterns need to be tweaked to make family life work, as with WOHPs, school, and so on, whose job is that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 11:45am
I wouldn't.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 1:32pm
You admitted to moving the bedtime later by half an hour when you became a sahm. You wrote it, not me. You can't change it now and expect anybody to actually believe you didn't mean what you actually said now that you realize you were supporting my postion. You should have realized that when you wrote it and said instead "You know, you are correct. Thats actually exactly what we did". But you chose not to. Bad choice. Not my fault. Oh sure, I guess you can get some posters to "support" your revised claim - but even they wont belieive you. Its not really disputable you know. Families with dual income and dc are the ones with the hard and fast non disputable requirement to have the kids in bed by a specific time. So they can get up at a specific time. Those without morning schedules are the ones who don't have to do particularily anything one way or another.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 1:40pm

The good news is that the kids grow up and tend to need you less (or less frequently) at night over time. My seven year old and nine year old rarely bother me at night and I've had a pretty liberal open-door policy. The bad news is that when they don't need you that much any more, it can be hard to create moments of intimacy. (As the mother of four, I resent the middle of the night intrusions less because they are ways my children get me all to themselves and who can begrudge them that?) When my three year old calls for me at midnight, I crawl in bed with him or he crawls in bed with me and I realize that in a very short time, we won't be doing that anymore. Snuggling together in bed (one of the things that I need to do in the middle of the night that contributes to my sleep loss) is a very important part of our family life. In a few years, I'm sure it will all be phased out and I will be a little sad about that.

I guess I see the whole losing sleep issue as being so completely temporary (which is kind of funny since I've been experiencing it for about ten years now!) and so worth the emotional trust and intimacy it gives us, that I don't get too bent about it.

(If I were truly obsessed about the quality of my sex life, I probably wouldn't have been thrilled at letting three nine-pound, huge-cranium babies come barreling down my vagina. I would have had four C-sections!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 2:54pm

My best girlfriend who has 4 children (the youngest is almost 14 now) has always really given me perspective on just how fast the time goes and how quickly they grow up. While there is certainly a part of her looking forward to the future and freedom of grown kids, she told me to appreciate and enjoy every moment while they are little. It just goes too fast. The times I have complained about kid stuff, she says that *this too shall pass* and that they wont need/want/behave this way forever. Its just a blip on the radar overall.


Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 3:22pm
It may go quickly, but that's 20 years of your life gone with it.

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