WOH and sleeping issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
WOH and sleeping issues
2315
Sun, 05-22-2005 - 10:34am

We were at a dinner party last night at the home of one of dh's coworkers. They have 2 boys, 6 and 4. They have a bunch of sleeping issues (kids 'scared' at night, won't fall asleep in their own bed, won't go to bed without mom or dad cuddling them, etc.) The mom blames herself because since she works all day and misses them so much she tends to cuddle with them late at night and they fall asleep in a pile on the bed all together. She said that if she SAH, they wouldn't have the same issues.


I sah. For us, bed time is a rigid, welcome respite at the end of the day. Dh has no desire to keep them up either, lol.

Meldi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 11:16pm

Yup. Let's see, in the last decade, my mom has supported me through infertility/ectopic/miscarriage/birth of DS and is doing it all again (although she often points out that she was far better at being infertile, sigh) while supporting my sister through her (unexpected) pregnancy and subsequent elopement. She also supported my sister through her xh's abuse, infidelity and subsequent divorce, which included some financial support for a time. DS and I eat (lunch or dinner) over there at least three times a week.

It's not all one sided, of course. I help take care of the house b/c she can't physically do it anymore (she cooks and that's about it) and when grandma was alive, I did A LOT of sharing the eldercare w/mom (she was working ft and I wasn't). I drive mom places when daddy can't, or invite her along w/DS and me if dad's busy and she's lonely.

I don't think your heart magically stops breaking for your kids when they turn 18. My mom's hasn't. I certainly hope I'm as involved in DS's life as my mom is in ours. FIL is the same way w/DH, I know he talks to him nearly every day.

C

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 12:13am

Good post.

I'm not raising my children so they can disappear at age 18. I'm hoping to have some young people to hang out with on occasion who can drink beer with me and listen to loud music and tease me about my very few, very minor flaws. I need them to help gang up on my husband who can always use someone to take him down a peg or two. I'm always going to need someone to talk to about the books I've read and my evolving philosophy of life. One of my goals in raising my children is to make sure they turn into people who are interesting enough for me to want to hang out with. (I can already tell that that probably won't be a problem!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2005
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 2:01am
i've been working full-time til early last year and am now freelancing. my 4 year old has always been sleeping on his own but now that i'm home most of the time, i noticed he's been waking up early in the morning (6-7am) and asking to come into our room. so i don't know if it's the opposite of what you've described - the kid who gets alot of the mum actually wants more!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 3:02am
Maybe in terms of the raw mechanics of it, but that's the only way it's easier.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
flat in others,
and really annoying when it's stuck in your head."

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 6:31am
No, I don't let the dog babysit. It was a joke, a bad one I admit. This sentence followed my joke: "I never slept when the children were awake." So, while I got to sit on the couch and relax while the tv helped the children to play with toys just a little bit more independently, I was awake and there for them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 6:35am

I think PNJ just comes here to vent. She'll explain later, I'm sure. But her actions speak louder than her words. She married in part to have and raise children ~ an admirable goal in my mind.

And, among other things she does for her children, she's setting aside every single penny for her children's college educations. Unlike some of her critics here. And when that money would mean an earlier retirement for her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 6:44am

If a parent is going to take a child into his own bed or if a parent lies down in the child's bed to comfort the child after a night waking, then that's going to happen frequently. It's encouraging a child to call out for the parent on night wakings.

<>

We're going to do that too. That's the way I was raised as well. Night time is for sleeping. Then we (my family) get the most out of the next day - no one's tired, mom can safely drive a car, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 6:57am
Maybe so, but if I had the opportunity to have them back and do over, I'd still have John again...in a heartbeat...even if it meant the whole heartache with the ex, too.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 7:26am

My mom is one of my best friends. Who else on earth really cares about you and all your silly problems (other than dad, of course)? I can tell my mom everything, every fear, success, sadness. She is my greatest ally.


I hope to be that for my girls. I already know that we'll probably have some horrible teen-times (ala me and my mom) but in the end I only hope that we end up friends, because that's the goal.


I still don't need them to sleep with me to end up there, though ;)


Meldi

Meldi
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 7:38am

This is more for dogma, but I don't want to seach through all the posts to respond:


By 'emergency', I meant any sort of emergency, whether the house is on fire or a really scary dream. But dogma said, something to the effect of the 'child cowering in the corner, shaking with fear' and honestly, did anyone have nightmares that bad as a child? I've had my share, but cowering in the corner shaking was never my response. I knew (from a young age) that dreams were dreams. I didn't constantly request water or call out for another story or such. I knew that bedtime was just that...time to sleep.


At any rate, if my child had a nightmare and came to my room, I would soothe the child and escort

Meldi

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