WOH and sleeping issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
WOH and sleeping issues
2315
Sun, 05-22-2005 - 10:34am

We were at a dinner party last night at the home of one of dh's coworkers. They have 2 boys, 6 and 4. They have a bunch of sleeping issues (kids 'scared' at night, won't fall asleep in their own bed, won't go to bed without mom or dad cuddling them, etc.) The mom blames herself because since she works all day and misses them so much she tends to cuddle with them late at night and they fall asleep in a pile on the bed all together. She said that if she SAH, they wouldn't have the same issues.


I sah. For us, bed time is a rigid, welcome respite at the end of the day. Dh has no desire to keep them up either, lol.

Meldi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 1:21pm

"a general question, to wit, are we all supposed to believe everyone feels equally delighted about parenting?"

To answer you're question: no we're not....and I didn't say that in my previous post.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 1:30pm

I'll take a stab but don't know if I can answer it...


"expanding it to be a general question, to wit, are we all supposed to believe everyone feels equally delighted about parenting? If so, why are we supposed to believe that, when reason would suggest that's not possible?"


I think it is hard to relate when someone says something completely alien to you. I find parenting hard. I find it emotionally very challenging and, sometimes,

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 1:34pm

My children have been taught common courtesy and they don't come and wake me up when I am sleeping unless it's a pretty big deal. Even if they vomit or wake up with a high fever and cry for help, they are usually touchingly apologetic....sobbing out how sorry they are even as I am cleaning up the mess around them. The last few nights that I have been up with them at all for emotional reasons has been because I happen to hear them crying in their beds (younger one) or I get up to go to the bathroom and see the light on in the bedroom because the child is worried about something and is trying to read himself back to sleep (older one).

We don't see any reason whatsoever to put locks on the bedroom doors.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 1:38pm

And I think it's also possible to be delighted with *certain* aspects of parenting and detest others. It's possible to be delighted with parenting one week, and hate it the next (scratch that...moment to moment sometimes!!)

The one thing that usually remains contant is that most moms (I would hope) love their children. That's what gets us through the less-than-delightful moments.

I am having a hard time this week. A very angry teething one-year old and a normally sweet and mellow 3 year old who has turned into a defiant drama queen. There have been moments when I have literally felt "what did I get myself into" LOL! I seriously questioned whether I have any right to be a parent at all...that was a low.

But I can't say I'm *not* delighted with parenting because I know this is just a bad week, this too shall pass, life fluctuates....etc etc.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 1:50pm

Your point is? When Aspen was sick, dh was scared and worried because she was having a hard time breathing. Does that sound better to you than 'breathing problems'? You have nothing better to do than argue semantics?


Dh and I were both new parents to a first-time-sick 6 month old. Bully for you that you had so much exposure to children before having your own that you automatically could deduce the level of sickness and feel 100% sure in your decision. Dh and I have only aquired that skill over time and with the 2nd child. And we are still never 100% sure.


Also good for you that you would never worry unnecessarily. I worry all the time unnecessarily. It's in my genes.


Meldi

Meldi
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 1:54pm

I think it's sad that she's been labeled 'sad' for being honest. That's the kind of labeling that inspires Mommy Olympics and keeps women from sharing their true feelings with each other.


Often I have felt out of place at mom's club functions because I don't gloss over the rough parts of parenting. Much of what I like about posting here is that I feel I can express my feelings...it's a lot harder IRL where you are given the big ol' round eye.


Meldi

Meldi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 1:58pm

You know what? I probably shouldnt have used the term *sad*. I just couldnt think of a better way to phrase it and I should have taken the time to find the proper words.


However, she wasnt just talking about day to day difficulties of parenting. She was talking about the 20 years spent raising children as 20 years spent sitting on the sidelines of life. At least that was what I got from her posts.


Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 1:59pm

I've been anxious for a lot of baby stages to pass...I was anxious to stop nursing, anxious for them to sleep through the night, anxious for Vivi to learn how to navigate the stairs so I can get rid of the gates...


I was so excited for Vivi to grow (because growing meant getting closer to sleeping through the night) that if she outgrew an outfit it automatically went in the Goodwill box because I was so excited to be 'moving on'.


There are stages of childhood that are more enjoyable than others and I don't see anything wrong with being anxious for the next stage. It just gets better and better, right?


Meldi

Meldi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 2:03pm

Again, I dont think the discussion was about the day to day challenges of parenting though. It was about feeling like 20 years of raising children was 20 years gone and wasted.


I love watching my kids grow and sure, there are phases that I love more (and less!) than others. There are days I want to run screaming from the demands of two children and being a single parent 50 percent of the time. But I cant view raising children as *20 years of my life gone* either.


Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 2:10pm

You're right, there probably was a better choice of words, but I can't think of one either...


I know that it seemed like she's looking forward for the time when the kids are out of the house and that the time getting them to that point is hard work. She's looking forward to that hard work ending, I think. Maybe because she's a worrier like me who stresses about decisions and takes a lot of it on herself? Like she says, she sees life as a series of problems and solutions. There is a lot of additional stress placed on oneself if one is always looking for a 'solution', especially when dealing with children!


There are lots of enjoyable moments, lots. But many of those moments can be tempered by feelings of perceived 'failure' if your 'solution' to the current problem de jour didn't work.

Meldi

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