WOH and sleeping issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
WOH and sleeping issues
2315
Sun, 05-22-2005 - 10:34am

We were at a dinner party last night at the home of one of dh's coworkers. They have 2 boys, 6 and 4. They have a bunch of sleeping issues (kids 'scared' at night, won't fall asleep in their own bed, won't go to bed without mom or dad cuddling them, etc.) The mom blames herself because since she works all day and misses them so much she tends to cuddle with them late at night and they fall asleep in a pile on the bed all together. She said that if she SAH, they wouldn't have the same issues.


I sah. For us, bed time is a rigid, welcome respite at the end of the day. Dh has no desire to keep them up either, lol.

Meldi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 12:05pm

I think it's partly due to our own expectations (mine were based on a good, but less than ideal childhood), temperament, and lifestyle.


Temperamentally and lifestyle wise, adding children didn't change the way I lived my life dramatically . . .but that's just what felt natural and comfortable to me.


My life would bore you. . .but I like it.


Virgo

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 12:11pm
Excellent point. I would venture to add that one of the many, many life-enhancing benefits parenthood brings is that it teaches you how to be more flexible and creative. These are good skills for all parts of life, not just mommydom.
Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 12:19pm

<< I think it's sad when a mother no longer enjoys her husband, her friends or adult pursuits she previously enjoyed after she becomes a mother.>>

Again, you are positing a dichotomy that simply doesn't exist for me, or for many mothers. Increased enjoyment of my kids translates to increased enjoyment of everything else, for me. My writing has gotten better and my relationships with other adults is much better since I became a mother. Why does it have to be one or the other?

Just because I enjoy blowing raspberries on a baby's tummy, I can't possibly enjoy running in a road race, having intense, spiritually connected sex, going out for a drink with a friend, or just sitting down by myself and re-reading Jane Eyre? Why?

Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 12:32pm
Thank you for saying that. I have been reading this thread with a great deal of dismay, but unsure how to respond to it. You said it very well. I had a good and interesting life before I had kids. I have had a good and interesting life since I have had children. My children have sometimes sent me down paths couldn't have predicted walking on, but there has always been a great deal of deep-seated joy along the way. I don't mean that I have always been "gleeful" about every aspect of parenting, but it has brought with it a deep-seated sense of satisfaction that sees me through all the yuck. And one of the greatest blessings of all is the ability NOT to take myself as seriously as I once did. It's absolutely liberating.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 12:43pm
No, I am the primary driver of my own schedule, and of DS's, and always have been. I have no idea what you're getting at.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 12:45pm
Huh? Not only is that not an accurate statement, but I don't know what that has to do with anything anyhow. Can you explain?


Edited 5/27/2005 1:54 pm ET ET by dogma_2
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 12:50pm
"I think it's sad when a mother no longer enjoys her husband, her friends or adult pursuits she previously enjoyed after she becomes a mother." I would think that's sad too. I'm glad I can say I don't know anyone to whom that's occurred.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 12:53pm
Big thumbs up to both your post and AA's. Enjoyment of things done with children doesn't come at the expense of my appreciation of pre-parenting things. Even if I don't do them as often.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 12:54pm
Why would even a drastic change in one's life mean one was "missing out" on anything at all? Last I checked, she did have free will.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 12:55pm
I agree.

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