WOH and sleeping issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
WOH and sleeping issues
2315
Sun, 05-22-2005 - 10:34am

We were at a dinner party last night at the home of one of dh's coworkers. They have 2 boys, 6 and 4. They have a bunch of sleeping issues (kids 'scared' at night, won't fall asleep in their own bed, won't go to bed without mom or dad cuddling them, etc.) The mom blames herself because since she works all day and misses them so much she tends to cuddle with them late at night and they fall asleep in a pile on the bed all together. She said that if she SAH, they wouldn't have the same issues.


I sah. For us, bed time is a rigid, welcome respite at the end of the day. Dh has no desire to keep them up either, lol.

Meldi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 5:46pm

And I certainly support your decision to like it.


I thought it was two hours of my life wasted :)


"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 5:50pm

That's what my mom said TO ME. She loved the baby stage..she loved being home with us and claims that she was "in her glory". She said that about the other women because (though she loved her experience) she can totally understand why I would not love the baby stage. She raised me.


I highly doubt that

Meldi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 5:54pm

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding was the primary bracer. Good Lord, didn't you read any books about babies before you had one? TWAofB went on at great length about cracked and bleeding nipples, mastitis, feeding the baby every hour, and so on and so forth. Now, I did read about the possibility of fourth degree tears in What to Expect, but even I will admit I never thought I'd have one. LOL. The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy was another example.

My mother didn't talk about the negatives of having a baby at all. She was far too desperate for grandchildren. ;)

Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 5:55pm

Jetting to Europe aside . . . do you believe you can replicate everything you did during your "pre kid" life? Or, are there some things you can't replicate, but you don't necessarily miss those things?

BTW - hi. ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 5:57pm
Did I say I liked it? And come on, you know your kids watched it more than once. ;) I'd say a good 30 hours of my life were spent on Thomas. I still consider it a valuable experience, if only because DH and I get to call each other "a really useful engine" at the oddest moments.
Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 6:03pm

Like I said to dogma, my mom just said that to me. Does she even believe it herself? Probably in some ways, probably not in others. But she can at least understand where I am coming from. At least tries.


I know that 2 year olds say cute things. Aspen says cute things all the time and I love it. I love where Aspen is now a lot more than where Vivienne is and I can't wait for it to get better and better. God, I am trying so hard to explain how I feel and I am at a loss right now, trying so hard not to sound like I hate being a mom. I just get annoyed that this is all my life is about right now and I am working hard to change that. Yes, 2 year olds can be cute...they can also be defiant and messy and loud. You gotta take the whole package.


I'm just worn down by my child-centered life right now, that's all. I am working on changing it. I will be a better parent and wife. For me, 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' is 100% correct. But I am not getting any absence right now.


I'm sorry if you find me judgemental.


Meldi

Meldi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 6:05pm

I actually do kinda enjoy the DVD's of Thomas...the ones with no live action. The movie was awful..who was the other actor? He was so wooden.


Alex and I play "put Thomas together" on the website. He loves it. I like the way the engine choo-choos away when it is complete.


About knowing how hard babyhood is going to be, I remember babysitting one night and reading "What to Expect." I was 14 or 15. Oh. My. God. I have never been so shocked in my life. I ran home and asked my mother-you actually bleed after childbirth? You might need stitches? I couldn't believe it.


My whole pregnancy I was obsessed with stitches. I kept asking the nurse midwife her rate on epistomies and how big my child was. Wouldn't you know it? Huge, huge head. The nurses looked at me and winced. One asked me if I wanted to see it. Uh, no. Really, I don't. It was awful. I felt like I bled for weeks. Really, it was so traumatic that I could not imagine going through it again.


Alex--small head. No stitches. Not much blood but boy was I prepared for the pain and the agony of trying to take my first shower and my first bathroom experience. It was so much easier.


Babyhood--I had babysat alot and my sister had a baby. She was so shell shocked afterwards. She never put the baby down--we called her the Mother Gorilla and she crashed after three days. She had matsis, thrush and another infection. I learned to sleep after the baby was born. I learned to hand the baby over and I knew it was not going to be easy.


No one can truly prepare you though. I really think the shock of childbirth was so great that my body went into shock. I never expected it to be so painful, so long and so intense. Of course, big baby, petite me and severly anemic did not help.

"Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction."


Advice on greeting your DH from Housekeeping Monthly (1955)









"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 6:06pm

Thanks!


Meldi

Meldi
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 6:08pm
Noone told me about blood clots after a c-section.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 6:20pm

Yes, my first childbirth was an unbelievable shock. I think I had post-traumatic stress disorder afterward. I totally agree. I'd read about these things, but the real deal was so much worse than I expected.

I think that the first few years with my older son changed my perspective on the whole parenting thing. I don't think there was a more militant breastfeeding advocate than myself. All the books said that if you don't give up, you can do it. But ultimately I had to recognize that DS had a feeding reflex problem, and couldn't nurse. A few minutes after he was born, they handed him to me and told DH and me that he had a deformed penis and would need surgery. I guess I learned, right from the start, that I couldn't work my way through these problems the way I had been able to work all night to finish a grad school paper. You know? No matter how hard *I* was willing to work at nursing, I now had a "colleague" who wasn't up for the job, and I had to accept that and move on. It was humbling. And in the scale of things, DS's problems were infinitessimal, really, so I can't imagine how I'd have fared if he'd had any real issues.

And also, having gone through the newborn stages and childbirth, which are short-lived and involve physical, rather than mental, challenge, the rest of parenting seems like a question of attitude to me. I expect work, I expect financial sacrifice, I have an awful fear of real problems like illness, and I enjoy the ride as much as I possibly can.

Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.

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