WOH and sleeping issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
WOH and sleeping issues
2315
Sun, 05-22-2005 - 10:34am

We were at a dinner party last night at the home of one of dh's coworkers. They have 2 boys, 6 and 4. They have a bunch of sleeping issues (kids 'scared' at night, won't fall asleep in their own bed, won't go to bed without mom or dad cuddling them, etc.) The mom blames herself because since she works all day and misses them so much she tends to cuddle with them late at night and they fall asleep in a pile on the bed all together. She said that if she SAH, they wouldn't have the same issues.


I sah. For us, bed time is a rigid, welcome respite at the end of the day. Dh has no desire to keep them up either, lol.

Meldi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 7:27am

Like what? What does one do at 20 that one can't do at 40? Does that mean the things I should be doing at 40 I can't do at 60?

mom_writer

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 7:29am
Oh goodness no. Really. They would stay asleep for hours on end reliably anyway. And anyhow if they saw or heard anything they'd have had zero understanding. Now with an 8 yr old and an 11 yr old who know a thing or two, and who might be distressed to encountered in living colour what is just one great big eeeewwwww to them at this point - we are alot more careful about keeping not only doors locked but sounds and clues under wraps.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 7:41am

That is just exactly the issue that makes some people see parenting in a more or less positive way. Aren't your children like 4 and 6 or something? And yet, the shock is just beginning to subside.

I assure you, I was every bit as shocked as you were. I don't really know anyone who wasn't. Yet I was absolutely all shocked out and entirely over it by the time my first was a few months old. The shock wasn't all negative, btw.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 8:04am

I don't know anyone irl who had a "fantastic life before kids". That is just way too general. I know alot of people, myself included, who had some fantastic periods in life before having kids. But also some crappy ones. But those times come and go as life goes along. Most people I knew had kids in their late 20s and early 30s and they were already aware of that fact of life. And everybody had some fantastic aspects to their lives, that they decided to give up, once they had kids. And some crappy aspects that went away. For myself - having kids is a fantastic period in life and having kids creates alot more of those fantastic aspects than it might have taken away. The fact that the nature of the fantastic was different than what was experienced before, doesn't distress most people I know. Most people I know, by their late 20s, had btdt with change before, knew it could be positive and were quite honestly, up for a serious change of pace and direction. Most people I know felt were actually relieved to find their focus forced off of themselves. It made life brighter and more enjoyable. Most. Not all.

Sometimes it seems like you blame the fact that you are no longer 20-something able to live an unencumbered, inexperienced, somewhat naive 20-something life - on the fact that you had kids. The fact is - life goes on and things change. Kids or spouses or not. Also, from what I've read - you almost refuse to let yourself experience any of the real fun of having kids - and instead have trapped yourself in your home and tied yourself to a rigid schedule based on some book about baby sleep. This apparently seems more appealing an approach to dealing with life with kids than allowing yourself the chance to adapt would. Which says alot. Most people aren't that averse to change.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 8:10am
I went to Disney World at 26 with a friend. The true unfettered single persons trip. I went later with my 4 and 7 yr old and my husband. It was the true family vacation. It was way way way more fun with my own family. There are as many things to see and do in the world that get more interesting with kids, as there are things to see and do that get less enjoyable with them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 8:27am
You know, if your sil has never tried shellfish you've definitely hit on apples and apples here. But not in a good way. Life is just more enjoyable period for those who are willing to find out what they like and what they don't like, especially when life changes and they are presented with an array of new opportunities.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 8:33am

Clearly, people who don't like babies are really just pining for their younger days.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 8:36am

Yeah, she's tried it and doesn't like it...makes her feel sick. She would really annoy me if she claimed to hate it but never tried it, lol.


I'm coming to the conclusion that if asked about parenting on a bad day, I will give you a bad answer. At the end of a bad week (esp. if the girls have been sick and dh has been working a lot), even worse. At this point in time, with babies, it's a constant state of getting sick and getting better only to get sick again. Vivi can't talk and tell me what's wrong and Aspen just whines, lol.


I need some years to develop hindsight. I'm sure I will look back and remember all the cute things said and the excitement of discovery ever-present in a 2 year old. Especially since all the cute stuff will be in pictures or captured on video. We don't really take pictures of them when they are sick or whining.


Meldi

Meldi
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 8:49am

You know, I was never, ever around babies before I had my own. Really. I was the 2nd to youngest in my group of cousins so everyone was older than me. I was 2 when my brother was born.


A baby sitter I had when I was about 6 had a baby boy. She let me hold him when he was about 6 months old and I dropped him by mistake. Totally freaked me out (but he was fine).


I babysat 2 times, total, when I was about 12. I had a horrible experience the 2nd time and refused to babysit ever again. But, those kids were not even babies. It was a 4 year old and a 5 or 6 year old (can't really remember).


Then, I became the first of my friends to get married (at 25) and the first to have a baby (at 29). The end.


Just wanted to point out that it's pretty easy to avoid all contact with babies till you have your own. All the books in the world and all the sentiments from friends and family can only go so far.


Meldi

Meldi
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 8:59am
No, I've seen very few parents do that. Its hard to make young children overtired. They fall asleep when they are tired enough. Unless I guess one put alot of effort into conditionning ones children to become easily overtired - through lack of opportuinity to ever sleep anywhere but their bed. It is possible to build in to children an unnatural degree of dependancy on sleep location. But why anyone would do that purposefully - I have no idea.

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