WOH and sleeping issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
WOH and sleeping issues
2315
Sun, 05-22-2005 - 10:34am

We were at a dinner party last night at the home of one of dh's coworkers. They have 2 boys, 6 and 4. They have a bunch of sleeping issues (kids 'scared' at night, won't fall asleep in their own bed, won't go to bed without mom or dad cuddling them, etc.) The mom blames herself because since she works all day and misses them so much she tends to cuddle with them late at night and they fall asleep in a pile on the bed all together. She said that if she SAH, they wouldn't have the same issues.


I sah. For us, bed time is a rigid, welcome respite at the end of the day. Dh has no desire to keep them up either, lol.

Meldi

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 9:24am
Replicate? Now there is a big mental trap. I don't think its a great idea for people to go about trying to replicate any nice part of their life - ever. Seems to lead to alot of disappointment and that has nothing to do with children. People who enjoy travelling will enjoy it even after they have children. People who had an enjoyable vacation experience - say some fab trip to Paris or something - that they'd like to relive - are going to be disappointed. But with or without children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 9:38am

I think the issue is with how one interprets the cause of the disappointment.

I found out research labs were not for me. I never interpreted that as some sort of general issue with the research lab/human being intersection. I am aware, most people who spend years of their lives practicing to spend their working lives in one - actually do like the work and the environment. I am aware - alot of people feel the same way I do about research labs. Most of those didn't spend years arranging to spend their working lives in one. But certainly I'm not alone in that misjudgement. Still my bad. Well not entirely. I liked the school part. But live, learn, adjust, adapt, allow change to happen, ditch the plan or at least - revise it. Whatever. I was unsuitable for the environemnt. The environment was not unsuitable for people wishing to earn a living and enjoy their jobs. You are trynig too hard to find some fault with the childrearing/adult lifestyle intersection. The intersection is not faulty. Many many really really really do find it quite suitable. More than don't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 9:52am

What don't you like?

Its not like working out for fitness. Its possible for people to hate working out, but love the results.

A mindset is a different animal. If you feel constantly to be in the proccess you aren't having the result.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 10:09am
From what perspective? I mean, my children love sports and they do well and they really want to be on their competitive teams. Plus some other rec persuits on the sides. You bet they define a good part of my schedule but only really after 5 and on weekends. And thank goodness they do. Games and tournaments are a hoot. Kids participation in competitive sport has been a really huge boon to our parenting social life. But to further define my schedule my husband plays competitive soccer and coaches. During the weekdays our schedules are all largely defined by work and school. But to get back at them all for daring to impose their preferences upon my *free* time, I make them all ski in the winter and go to classic rock concerts. As far as I can see - its all just part and parcel of having a life that involves other people. I found life had alot of said requirements well before kids came along.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 10:20am
I think she's just saying she hasn't planned her life, or her son's, down to the hour for the next 11 years. Alot of people plan like this "By such and such a time we'd like to..." "During such and such a time we'd probably like to..." "From what I can see of those around me who are already there, I think we'll likely..." but they leave the options open. For everybody involved.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 11:00am

Thats where you take adult responsibility for making the big decisions and choices.

Really really really want to get a cruise in while you can still wear a bikini without scaring people? Then make the effort to make it happen - get the childcare. You have a nanny. Take a leave of absense. You have the funds.

Really really really want to be able to look forward to weekends while you are still young enough to not need to tote the oxygen tank and suitcase full of pills? Then stop insisting that your children have to be kept homeboud for their benefit. Really they don't. Billions of kids lead sleep satisified lives that atest to that. Really its that your children have to be kept homebound for your benefit - less of the unexpected to deal with there and more control. So decide that you are gonig to get over it, for once and for all, cold tureky, and take a walk on the wild side and risk tired children. After the first few attempts they'll get the hang of napping wherever, whenever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 11:14am
She sets two weeks of her vacation time aside to cover her nanny's. She doesn't only have two weeks of vacation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 11:14am

<>

Oh, please get over yourself. You're not the only person who ever had a two-year-old. You're not even the only person here who HAS a two-year-old (even though I enjoy two-year-olds, I actually happen to have one at the moment -- imagine that).

Honestly, you're like a person who doesn't like seafood, and goes around insisting that no one else could possibly like seafood. Those of us who like lobster are lying, or haven't had lobster in so long that we couldn't possibly remember how horrible and disgusting it is. Or we're pretending to be something we're not. And if that isn't insulting enough, you then somehow manage to make yourself out to be the insulted one. What bizarre twist of logic is that?

Give it a rest already. If you're so miserable, then why don't you find a babysitter? We've all done it. Many of us have given you suggestions on how to do it, which puts you way ahead of where I was at your stage of the game, frankly. So why not just do it?

Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 11:30am

Yes, I know. She explained that. 4 weeks vacation time still seems very minimal to me, considering all she does workwise. Thats why I asked her if she would get more vacation the longer she was there. Had I stayed with my old career, I'd be getting 6 wks paid a year by now, in addition to 12 days a year sick leave. I just assumed that since lawyering is a highly paid, highly stressful field, they'd be compensated with decent vacation time.


Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 11:36am
If seafood of any kind made me feel sick I'd get allergy tests to find out if there was a posibility some of it could make me feel dead.

Pages