WOH and sleeping issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
WOH and sleeping issues
2315
Sun, 05-22-2005 - 10:34am

We were at a dinner party last night at the home of one of dh's coworkers. They have 2 boys, 6 and 4. They have a bunch of sleeping issues (kids 'scared' at night, won't fall asleep in their own bed, won't go to bed without mom or dad cuddling them, etc.) The mom blames herself because since she works all day and misses them so much she tends to cuddle with them late at night and they fall asleep in a pile on the bed all together. She said that if she SAH, they wouldn't have the same issues.


I sah. For us, bed time is a rigid, welcome respite at the end of the day. Dh has no desire to keep them up either, lol.

Meldi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 11:54am
I don't think its all that baby stuff. I think her shell shock is from the loss of control, the fact that her life is being forced to accomodate the needs and wants of others, and the unpredictability she is forced to deal with. Its not about having a blissful childhood as much as it is about not outgrowing that childhood state of mind and coming to terms with life is right when as an adult - one has to deal.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 11:57am
It doesn't matter. I babysat till the cows came home. It did little if anything to prepare me to be a parent. Its not about the effect babies have on people.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 1:49pm

Whoa, nellie, I did NOT warrant a response like that, not at all. I meant what I said. I am sure, when I have a chance to look back, I will not remember all the bad stuff, just the good. Don't we all tend to do that? What's so wrong with saying it? I really don't get where you are getting your venom from.


WHEN did I say that ANYONE in this thread was lying? Exactly what post? I don't call names, I don't call people liars. Your truth is your truth. This all started because of the insinuation that having anything but an open-door nighttime policy with children was poor parenting. And then I mentioned that I hear all the time that people wish their kids were 2 again. Since sah with 2 babies 2 and under

Meldi
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 2:20pm

For some reason, I thought your mom had been unhappy with her life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 2:28pm
Not to you, for one. I decided against it. Would require too many concessions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 2:37pm
No. She's telling you she decided she wanted to give up her childless lifestyle for the childfull one. The realized that she didn't like the childfull one. Then realized that there is no going back.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 2:39pm
You need to stop assessing a situation of hardship when you are required to adjust.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 3:04pm
You know that can be taken a number of ways. But I think specifically the ways that are most real - a parent will always be involved in and interested in and concerned with and affected by the way things are going with the lives of her/his children - no matter how old they are - is just what is going to make your idea of the negatives of parenting last forever for you. You won't be able to sort of just decide, at one point, that you don't CARE what they do. You will care. Loss of control for you. And you'll have pretty much zero control over what they do. No control for you. They won't cut you in on all the details of their lives and you'll get alot of surprises - some probably unpleasant. Not your thing. You are in it for life and its the stuff you'll never outgrow that you have trouble with. One of your kids will decide to schedule a birth of a baby just right to conflict with the 'around the world footloose and fancy free dream vacation' you just booked last month. They'll make you worry when you'd like to recrate by cutting you in on some not so great life detail over the phone. They'll choose fields of study you hate. They'll do things that in your own mind cause problems for themselves. Their spouses will do more. They'll opt into and out of life choices and options right left and centre that highlight your lack of control over what affects you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 3:30pm
We drove down to Mexican border cities pretty regularly when I was a teen (we lived in southern California) but I never went to Europe until I was 25, either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 3:37pm
I don't get how you lcok yourself into a prison of your own making and then decide it's too confining. And I don't think it's just the kids, honestly. We just got back from an overnight trip to a rustic style resort where 70 people, ages 16 months to 60 something, managed to have a great time fishing, swimming, horseback riding, canoeing, etc. All meals cooked for you, all you had to do was relax and have fun. She can't do that with her kids because they might not get their regular naps, etc, and she can't function without a full night's sleep. She has already said that her husband doesn't like to travel, so I can't see them jetting off to Europe on a regular basis even without kids. And if she and DH want to go clubbing, she can, but it seems to me that staying out past midnight clubbing might interfere with sleep as much as keeping kids up until 10 pm might. She says that she doesn't take the kids to church or shopping with her, so I just don't get how those kids are placing such a burden on her lifestyle, I truly don't.

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