WOH and sleeping issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
WOH and sleeping issues
2315
Sun, 05-22-2005 - 10:34am

We were at a dinner party last night at the home of one of dh's coworkers. They have 2 boys, 6 and 4. They have a bunch of sleeping issues (kids 'scared' at night, won't fall asleep in their own bed, won't go to bed without mom or dad cuddling them, etc.) The mom blames herself because since she works all day and misses them so much she tends to cuddle with them late at night and they fall asleep in a pile on the bed all together. She said that if she SAH, they wouldn't have the same issues.


I sah. For us, bed time is a rigid, welcome respite at the end of the day. Dh has no desire to keep them up either, lol.

Meldi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 6:04pm

I think thats where I am having difficulty understanding her views as well. She makes a conscious choice to keep her kids home and not travel with them. Which is fine, but she doesnt seem happy with that choice, and lists not being able to travel as yet another reason she has mixed feelings about parenting. I say if you arent happy with the choice you are making, make a NEW choice for goodness' sake.


People travel with small children every single day. I dont see

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 6:21pm

Meldi, you said that your mother told you that mothers who wish their kids were young are just wishing for their own youth again. In other words, they aren't telling the truth, or aren't self-aware enough to know the truth.

You also repeatedly use the word "honest" to defend your feelings. "So sue me for being honest." "If only other mothers were honest about how hard it is." Don't you see how that implies that other mothers are being dishonest about their feelings?

Is it possible that other mothers see your young children and tell you they wish their kids were young again because, gee, I don't know, THEY WISH THEIR KIDS WERE YOUNG AGAIN? You seem to be willing to accept every possible interpretation other than that.

I apologize if I misinterpreted the video thing. I had *just* posted something about how cute 2yos are, and then a few posts later, you were saying that one day when your 2yo is older, you'll look back at the selectively happy videos and forget the "truth" of your life today. That, to me, seemed to imply that those of us who have older kids don't remember how awful things really were (and is in line with your other expressed doubts about mothers wishing their kids were young). I resent that, not just because of the implication of emotional dishonesty, but also because, darnit, the good times I had when my older son was 2yo really were amazing, I really did cherish that time, and I don't like even the implication that some of the greatest moments I've ever experienced didn't really happen.

No, toddlerhood and infancy don't last forever. If you don't do something, though, I'm afraid you'll be wishing away the other stages, too. Your kids probably haven't even drawn blood from each other yet. They're probably not old enough to make a deliberate mess to annoy you when company is coming over, or to start dragging their heels *because* you're in a hurry. There are physical limits to the amount of damage your kids can wreak right now. LOL.

Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 6:24pm
<<>> sorry to disappoint you. it stopped when my two oldest moved out(a week apart) at ages 18 and 19. the youngest is still home, but has nobody to fight, tease or pick with except me, and i *always* win. after-all, i *am* the mom....LOL.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 7:32pm

<>


And then, a multitude of posts later, I said time and again that I was sorry that I posted that. I really didn't think of it as completely invalidating a woman's feelings, just as maybe another possibility, something said

Meldi
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 8:39pm

"4 weeks vacation time still seems very minimal to me, considering all she does workwise." Hm. Not to me. I'm not sure if I know anyone who gets more than 4 weeks vacation, and I know a lot of people that work a lot more and at a lot more stressful positions than she likely has. In fact perhaps the less important the individual to the job, the easier it is for employers to give vacation time.

Perhaps part of the reason the pay is high is because the vacation is low.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 8:44pm
"You are trynig too hard to find some fault with the childrearing/adult lifestyle intersection." That's odd, since I find no fault whatsoever with the childrearing/adult lifestyle intersection. Perhaps you're writing to the wrong person.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 9:00pm
Your post made me think. DH and I have done a much greater variety of interesting things, and more of them, since having DS. It's a kick in the pants watching DS see and experience things for the first time. The main thing we did more of before DS? Work. A lot more, and both of us, not just me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 9:11pm

Thats why I said that must be one of the downsides to working for the big bucks. And some it

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 9:24pm

19 days off (1 day less than 4 weeks) is only a little time off (by U.S. or worldwide standards)?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 9:26pm

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