WOH and sleeping issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
WOH and sleeping issues
2315
Sun, 05-22-2005 - 10:34am

We were at a dinner party last night at the home of one of dh's coworkers. They have 2 boys, 6 and 4. They have a bunch of sleeping issues (kids 'scared' at night, won't fall asleep in their own bed, won't go to bed without mom or dad cuddling them, etc.) The mom blames herself because since she works all day and misses them so much she tends to cuddle with them late at night and they fall asleep in a pile on the bed all together. She said that if she SAH, they wouldn't have the same issues.


I sah. For us, bed time is a rigid, welcome respite at the end of the day. Dh has no desire to keep them up either, lol.

Meldi

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 6:57am
The effort to have things under control is hampered by a need to be constantly n control. If its a deep seated requirement for a parent to be in control they are simply going to be working against themselves in any effort to have things under control.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 6:59am
But are you really interested in partying with thousands of people at 40? (Frankly I wasn't interested in partying with thousands of coeds when I WAS 20.)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 7:05am

OK, so you don't have all the time in the world to travel now. That's one thing, that might make a difference for a couple weeks out of an entire year. Anything else?

Do you seriously imagine the rest of us were jetting around Europe when you were studying and working? I had been to Canada several times before 25 (it borders NY, where I lived) but 24 is when I first went to Europe. The vast majority of people I know haven't ever been even though they're pushing 40, and don't express any of the resentment over that that fact that you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 7:10am
And if someone had said to you "college is such that in order to succeed I must spend all spare time in the library I just don't have time to party I wish I was still in highschool where I got straight As and had lots of free time and knew everybody and had a fabulous life" would you not think that person had some unusual problems dealing with college? I mean SURE the first few months its absolutely expected that some freshmen are going to have adjustment issues. But if the student is still claiming shellsock after two or three years?????
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 7:14am
I'll second that one - I wasn't considering my word choice carefully enough before. An effort to replicate an experience is pretty much doomed to fail, because circumstances are always different. Thoroughly enjoying the different experiences you have every time you go on a familiar trip is entirely possible.


Edited 5/31/2005 7:25 am ET ET by dogma_2
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 7:23am
How is that possible IYE, considering she was a very discontented SAHM?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 7:26am
Your perspective is not accurate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 7:31am

Well...I guess I was more "jeeping" and "deuce-and-a-halfing" my way around Europe in those days :)

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
flat in others,
and really annoying when it's stuck in your head."

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 7:32am

No, it doesn't make sense the way its explained. If you put the behaviour together with a personality that feels overwhelmed when subjected to demands of any other person and that is very dependant upon having her life ordered and predictable in order to feel that things are under control - it makes sense. Thats just not possible with children. The whole sleep prison is the "I can control this at least and produce a sense of calm for myself in the middle of the ocean of chaos and panic" life preserver. Its a control fix. Its not the worst one to find and latch onto. There are worse possibilities out there.

I don't think most of these ambitions would be met without kids either. The personality is the ihibitor, not the children. It very likely always has been.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 7:37am
I thought of you when I wrote this. Most of the people I grew up with who have been abroad have done so as part of military service. I'm not sure that Felicia rues having missed travel in that manner.

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