WOH and sleeping issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
WOH and sleeping issues
2315
Sun, 05-22-2005 - 10:34am

We were at a dinner party last night at the home of one of dh's coworkers. They have 2 boys, 6 and 4. They have a bunch of sleeping issues (kids 'scared' at night, won't fall asleep in their own bed, won't go to bed without mom or dad cuddling them, etc.) The mom blames herself because since she works all day and misses them so much she tends to cuddle with them late at night and they fall asleep in a pile on the bed all together. She said that if she SAH, they wouldn't have the same issues.


I sah. For us, bed time is a rigid, welcome respite at the end of the day. Dh has no desire to keep them up either, lol.

Meldi

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Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 7:49am
Before we were bought out in 1997 I had 27 days off a year (20 vacation days, 7 personal days) and sick days as I needed them (we weren't alloted a number of sick days, but if we were sick, we could take a "sick paid" day). Next year I would have gotten 5 more vacation days because I'll have 25 years service. When our vacation policy changed to align us with our new owners, I went down to 24 days total which includes any sick time. And 24 days is the most anyone in the company can get. Believe me, I was sick over that!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 7:49am

And it's probably not fair to make this assumption on PNJ's behalf, but if I had to bet on it, I'd comfortably bet a couple month's pay that she would NOT willingly choose to spend her "tour of Europe" camping in the Alps in sub-zero temps for weeks at a time, living in a GP-medium tent with 80 of her closest friends, heated by 2 pot-bellied stoves, sitting guard duty for 6 hours of the day and sitting 'pos' on the radios for 8 hours of the day and spending a good portion of the remainder of that time pulling 1st echelon maintenance on the deuces, the jeeps and the 10 kW generators, filling gas cans and cleaning the port-a-potties (and darned glad for them because the alternative was humping a half mile or so through the woods to find a comfy place in the open.)


I'm going to take a wild stab and guess that her idea of fun in Europe was NOT trying to erect a 50 mast antenna on the top of a mountain, the erection of which required 3 foot guy wire anchors to be pounded into the frozen ground (after digging out the site from the 3 to 4 feet of snow covering the ground).

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 7:50am
Disney World is as much an adult vacation destination as a children's one. Not that we were there for that stuff, because thats what Key West and Miami were for - we wanted to see the Magic Kingdom and Epcot in Orlando. But creating a place that would be enjoyable for both adults and children was Walts whole point. We saw more than just Disney World both times. It has never for one second of my life been my goal to avoid children or anyone else.
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 7:54am

Just wanted to let you know about our weekend. DH and I were alone for a good part of the day on Sunday. DS1 was with his friend and his friend's family and DS2 went to his friend's house for a sleepover. DH and I had a nice quiet dinner on the deck. We had grilled veal chops, baked potatoes, salad and wine. Then we went over to our friend's house to hang with them.

It was nice to have this unplanned time together. You'll be there when your kids are older. Hang in there, baby!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 7:56am
Considering she has rather vociferously expressed her feelings WRT camping, I think your assumptions here are rather fair. ;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 7:58am

<<1. I don't like having my schedule controlled by my kids' need to eat and sleep.>>

But apparently not as much as you don't like having no control over whats going to happen when. So you've gone and created a prison for yourself, where you have your schedule controlled by your need to have your children eat and sleep on a strict schedule.

<<2. I don't like the inability to have a conversation even 10 minutes in length when either of them is awake.>>

How old are they? 4 and 6? 3 and 5? You should have been long past this. Perhaps if you stop trying to schedule every waking moment for them into something predictable and controllable they won't be so bored and in your way.

<<3. I don't like having to worry about what their mood is going to be like during any given activity.>>

Well then get over your need to be able to control and predict. Because - you can't. Then you won't have to stress the fact. Worrying of course does nothing but stress you, stress them and almost certainly detracts from their enjoyment of the activity making them more likley to act in a way that you don't like. They must be constantly worried about which behaviour is going to send mommy off into a flurry of stressed panic.

<<4. Disciplining children every five minutes is not enjoyable to me.>>

Thats way too much. You do realize that children don't need to be disciplined when they cause you stress by messing with the structure you so carefully lay out and upon which you so desperately depend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 8:10am
Amen. . .Hallelujah. . .

Virgo

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 8:12am
I have a very difficult time imagining a person with this personality travelling anywhere period. There are always just going to be too many unpredicatble uncontrolable "what ifs", especially with international travel. I can't really imagine it being anything other than stressfull. Perhaps a 5 star full service hotel an hour from home would be best.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 8:14am
Sorry - that was for pnj.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Tue, 05-31-2005 - 8:25am
The problem seems to be - the mom part of you has to consider the needs of others. If you can't integrate that with who you are - there is a problem. It just can't be all about you once adulthood is reached. Its a childhood mindset. The same way there is a problem when women who get themselves into that place where they are totally defined by what they can do for others and can't exist unless they feel someone is critically depending upon them. Some women in both groups. Not many in either. Interstingly, the sing the same song "The demands of othes are stealing my life!"

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