WOH or SAH? 2 issues to consider

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
WOH or SAH? 2 issues to consider
718
Mon, 01-07-2008 - 1:21pm

It seems to me that the decision to work outside the home (WOH) or stay-at-home (SAHM) involves TWO essential questions (the second of which seems to receive less attention in some forums and by some parents):


1)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 3:32pm

<Makes you want to weep for the tragedy of it all, doesn't it?>


LOL!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 3:43pm

and you seem to

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 3:51pm

>>i get the impression that the only reason you don't see the balance in dc users' posts is because you don't consider it "realistic" unless it is overwhelmingly negative.<<


Not overwhelmingly negative, no.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 4:10pm

Last year we also looked into getting an au pair.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 4:32pm

I will admit I would not use daycare



  • I was abused several occasions by Home Daycare Providers I.E. I was locked in a small room with over 10 kids (in retrospect I bet she was getting investigated because she told us to shut our traps or it would be the belt). She did whip me with the belt for talking to another little girl during naptime. Made us eat on the floor ect... Another lady just turned the TV on and that was our sitter until our parents picked us up. Another told me my parents were worthless and did not love me because they were late picking me up one eve. It made me cry and she told me to shut up. After that I begged my parents if I could just be a latch key because I had enough of the abuse. I am not talking about one but many.

  • The cost of the centers I wanted to use was out of reach because I had twins. They were wanting $2500 a month and that was more than half my salary at the time. If my first pregnancy was a singleton I probably would have used them.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2007
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 5:01pm

>>But, quality care in my absence, is not something that I would ever sacrifice.<<

You are very, very fortunate to have that luxury.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2007
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 5:13pm
I think my psychic powers are working. Something just told me you were a first time mom with a baby, and I was RIGHT!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 5:18pm

"I think many people hold things higher than their children."

I don't think many do at all. I'm 45 and have never met anybody who seemed to value his/her things more highly than his/her children. And this is going all the way back to childhood when it was clear to me that I was loved above things and that the parents of all my friends loved them more than things too. I beleive that attitude is out there but it seems pretty rare.

And yet I am moderateky materialistic as are many people I know. You have confused materialism with loving things more than people. It is possible (in fact probably incredibly common) to be moderately materialistic while at the same time loving one's children more than anything one owns. There is evidence of this every single time a house burns down. Has ANYBODY ever rushed to save a thing before saving their children? Before saving any living creature including animals and strangers? That just doesn't happen.

Yet many people, myself included, like to live in some measure of comfort. Comfort costs money. It costs money to live in a safe neighborhood and not have to worry about stray bullets. It costs money to have the comfort of a heated house in winter (I live in New England so it costs a LOT of money for that particular comfort.) It costs money to eat well and clothe our kids well and be able to fix anything in the house as soon as it breaks and have things in our house that work well and look nice too. I don't WANT to live hand to mouth. And so I don't. I don't lose sleep looking at the weather forecast in conjunction with how much heating oil costs. I don't fret about what to do if somebody gets sick because we have insurance...through work. I don't panic if the roof leaks. I can hire somebody to repair it. Money buys material things that I like (a new roof! That cost thousands!) But that doesn't mean I love these things more than I love dd. And believe me, she loves the new roof and the heating oil and the expensive meat and produce and the freedom to play in her safe neighborhood with no stray bullets to worry about. She doesn't know that she loves these things because she has no basis for comparison. But if they got taken away because we slid out of our middle class niche, she would miss them indeed.

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 6:00pm

I think many people hold things higher than their children."


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 7:31pm

   

 

 

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