WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
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| Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am |
Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"
Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.
I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.
Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.
Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.
Sabina

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***You live in an area of the country where someone can live "comfortably" on $37K/year, but it's within an hour's commute (via mass transit) of a city big enough to actually HAVE mass transit, but NOT well off enough to pay a software engineer more than $37K/year...or just roughly $20K year *less* than a federal typesetting APPRENTICE.***
When we moved out here DH was making around 40,000 as a consultant- a chunk more than he was making in Ppgh. We rented, had no debt, a good savings and a comfortable life. At 24 that's pretty darn good- a living wage with no college degree. (He's self-taught) After a bit of time out here, he switched jobs and more than doubled his salary to be a senior network admin/programmer/tech guy. We live in an area where one can catch the bus downtown by driving about 10min to the Park and Ride. One *could* find a house at a good price within less distance to the bus. (We bought ours at 128,000-ish which is in a good family centered neighborhood, even with a good school district. Not the best in the country, but decent) Does that answer your question?
Wytchy
Probably. But I find them to be great places to live and raise a family- apart from Pittsburgh traffic that is. But then, I grew up there (Ppgh).
Wytchy
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There are always exceptions. Things like special educational needs can be one of them if the parents are unable to take on that sort of education. Where did I say that *everyone* in *every* circumstance can do *everything*? I believe that throughout I've used the term 'most' or 'many'. 'Most' and 'many' do not in any universe that I am aware of denote 'all'. Nor does the statement that with priorities and planning many or most can do X denote that I think that everyone *should* do X or that ones priorities are "wrong" if they *don't*, don't *want* to or don't *choose* to. As to "pie in the sky" scenarios- *nowhere* did I claim that attaining these things would be *easy*. I just said that in many/most cases it can be *done*. Would that require sacrifice/change/etc.? In most cases? You betcha. But if ones highest priority is to do X, then that's acceptable for that person. Just because you don't feel that it's worth it doesn't mean that someone else might or that it can't be done.
Wytchy
"IMO it's excessive to have to pay 350,000 for a small townhouse, yet apparantly alot of people do it."
People do it because it's the best job creation market in the country.
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***yes, you have said that. Every time you've said all it take is "priorities" or "planning" or all those other buzz words you've used to suggest that people just need to change their lives to match yours and voila! Instant cheap housing at slave wages.***
That is how *you* choose to interpret what I've said. I've also said here that these things may take the same level of planning and preparation as one who wants to become a doctor. One doesn't just up and say "Gee I think I'll practice medicine" and walk into the nearest hospital and set up shop. In our case, we decided long before we had children or even got married that having a sahp was important to us and that I would be that parent. DH put the effort necessary into his career to make himself as marketable as possible and we managed our finances to that end. We also waited to have children *until we could readily afford them and the lifestyle that we wanted to give them.* THAT was our priority. Does that make *our* priorities "better" that someone else's who *didn't* make such plans? No. Does that mean that I think that anyone and everyone can just wake up one morning and decide to either have a sahp, homeschool, live on a lower income, etc. etc. etc? Certainly not- but then I've never said otherwise.
***Sorry, but you can't debate out of both sides of your keyboard here...either "all it takes" is setting different priorities and planning (meaning anyone can do it if they really want it ) or it's not true. Decide which one it is you're really meaning to say.***
There are a couple different discussions going on here. One is regarding the situation of the widow with the 37,000 income and 350,000 insurance payoff. Another is the issue of choosing to relocate/make different choices/sacrifices etc. Yet another is the issue of longterm planning in order to achieve ones desire of having a sahp for ones children or in order to achieve certain other ideals. I think what you're doing is trying to combine the issues into one discussion which was never intended. In the event of "all it takes" I would be referring generally to the long term planning that one could undertake in order to make a single-income family with a sahp a reality with minimal financial risk. Does that clarify things for you?
Wytchy
Uh, no, the poster most certainly did not.
Wytchy
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