WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
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| Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am |
Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"
Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.
I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.
Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.
Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.
Sabina

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Yep, they sure do. Sadly, much of CA is quickly becoming astronomically expensive when compared to other parts of the country (exluding the NE seaboard).
In my area its really *really* hard to make ends meet on less than $70k a year. In my neighborhood, it would be impossible unless you were independantly wealthy, inherited property, etc. Its really sad. A friend of mine is a single mom and a hairdresser. She's lived here for years. She's leaving at the end of the month to move to a suburb of Sac that is way WAY more affordable for her. I hate to see people being pushed out of neighborhoods as costs escalate.
MM
That depends on how one views having an at-home parent and what one is willing to sacrifice in order to have one. If one thinks it's more important to have a parent be home with their children than to retire a few years early, then that's a tradeoff that they're willing to make and that they consider wise. Just because you don't consider it so doesn't *make* it not so :)
Wytchy
It's something that's hit me hard in the last couple of years, though considering we are really happy in Sweden I'm not sure why. We could never afford to move back to Northern California again. My whole family is in the Bay Area, I grew up on the Peninsula, it's my home...and we can't go back. Somehow, anywhere else in the U.S. doesn't feel like home to me so I feel like an exile now, even though we had never really intended on moving back. Does that sound strange?
Laura
"We *choose* not to."
That is exactly my point.
If you moved then you would not have the lifestyle that you desire, so the reason you are taking a long commute is to have that lifestyle.
If everything else were equal, you could live where you are but had the option of a 15 minute commute or a one hour commute. Would you still make the one hour commute? Would you want to spend an extra 7.5 hours on the road if you could have the same lifestyle without doing it? If not then you are not taking the one hour commute because it is reasonable you are making the one hour commute because that is what you have to do for the lifestyle you desire.
No, it doesnt sound strange to me. I lived overseas for over 5 years. I always knew I could go back to the US at anytime. Feeling like I couldnt...would make me sad.
The Peninsula is outrageous. We looked at houses in Palo Alto, Menlo Park and Atherton...the areas we liked best. Just ridiculously expensive. The house we live in would cost upwards of $5m, much more depending on the exact location, in those areas.
A friend who is a realator told me a 700 sft house on a great street in Palo Alto just went for $1.2m. Basically the cost of the *lot* since the family that bought it has 3 kids....and will definetly turf this shack and rebuild.
I was absolutely horrified the last time I was out and saw the house prices in Palo Alto. I mainly grew up there. Los Altos is even worse. I also lived in Cupertino for a couple of years when I was in elementary school, that was when Cupertino was mostly orchards and the first Apple building wasn't even a gleam in the eyes of Jobs and Wozniak. I heard about a realtor presentation a couple of years back that was set up to help potential buyers figure out all the rules and pitfalls for buying in the Cupertino school distric. The first thing that was announced before anything else got started was that anyone making less than $150K per year should just walk out the door immediately since they were out of their league. Sigh.....going away and feeling VERY sorry for myself now.....
Laura
Honestly, I'm glad to hear it. Sometimes you make yourself out to be some sort of working, achieving robot, and I'm glad to know that you're more self-aware than your posts on this subject originally indicated.
The house and the graduating college early had to be a double whammy. You were sort of kicked out of both your homes at once.
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