WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
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| Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am |
Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"
Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.
I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.
Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.
Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.
Sabina

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Yup, that includes meats.
Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14
Our utilities run about $100-150 per month...sometimes much less than that, but I'm averaging, just off the top of my head.
Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14
Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14
I can answer this one. In my family, there's really no way both DH and I *could* work full-time in Boston. If you add on the commute, then you're basically gone from your kids for hours that extend beyond the normal open hours of any daycare facility (most run from 8-6, many from 8-5).
I suppose we could do it with a nanny, but I really don't like that idea. It's also not very popular in MA, for some reason. When my sister lived in Westchester, everyone had a nanny. But here, most dual WOH families use daycare.
LOL...Okay, if anyone questions my hoarding of food, just talk to BethAnn.
Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14
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But you're doing an awful lot of chores that you wouldn't have to do if you were a man, especially a man with a SAHW. My husband needs to get up 30 minutes before he leaves for work. That includes a ten-minute shower and shave, ten minutes making and drinking coffee, five minutes getting dressed, and five minutes laying out clothes for the boys. He doesn't wear eyeshadow, and doesn't even brush or blowdry his hair -- he has wavy hair that looks ridiculous if he brushes it.
He happens to be a morning person, so he gets up at around 5:00 most mornings, no matter how early he has to leave. So he spends two hours reading or writing, and maybe makes DS1's lunch. But not everyone needs your hour and 25 minutes to get ready every morning. I don't need that much time, and I'm getting two kids out the door!
I don't really commute every day, myself. ;) But speaking hypothetically.
The one-hour commute is a more than reasonable tradeoff for living in a beautiful, seaside town with great schools and unbelievable recreational activities.
DH is lately changing his tune on this, but until very recently, he absolutely would have *chosen* the hourlong commute over the 15-minute one. He is a true-blue city person who is living in the burbs to please his wife. He needs the city the way I need the ocean, and he much prefers to work there. He would die if he had to work in a two-room office in some suburban strip mall.
Daycares there are only open 8-5? How limiting!
The one I use now is open 6:30a-6p. The one I used in AZ was open 5:30a-6p.
I have to be at work at 8 most mornings (don't most "traditional" workers?). An 8am open time would be completely impossible. (I have 7:30 meetings a minimum of 3x a month ... often more.) Plus, I have to be at work until 5 (unless prior arrangements are made).
Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.
As you know, i was/am the one of the three of us that marches to the beat of a different drum, and carried anger toward my father til i was around 33yo. he stifled me to the point where i didnt express myself at all while growing up because i was supposed to mind my parents. he never did anything intentionally to hurt me, but was doing his best to raise me to an adult, and when i realized this, i let it all go. i was able to go on and be thankful he cared enough to do anything toward my growing up years. as i became an adult, he has shown me many times over how proud he is of me, and is the best Pop-Pop in the world to all his grandchildren. my situation is trivial compared to the extent of some "mistakes" parents make, and i am thankful for what i do have in my father, and not what he "did" to me unknowingly.
ironically, out of the three of us, i am most like my father!! go figure!!
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