WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
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| Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am |
Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"
Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.
I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.
Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.
Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.
Sabina

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I think it may be, depending on how you handle yourself and your marriage.
Mondo
You: "red is the best color."
Me: "I disagree. Blue is."
That would be an example of disagreeing.
You: "Some people take their kids to the museum to teach art appreciation."
Me: "I don't go to museums, but I do a great job of teaching my kids art appreciation."
That would be an example of being defensive. There was no mention of people who don't go to museums not doing a good job of teaching art appreciation yet it was heard that way (or responded that way). To me, that's what's going on in this thread.
And the reason I used the term "some sahms" was because we are talking about sahms and wohms. Didn't you say it yourself? "read the title of this message board?"
How is saying "some" sahms implying that it's a general standard? If I said, "some" men are jerks, am I implaying that "all" men are jerks?
"But dh and I are both happy with our work lives. The kids see that and maybe plan on working themselves someday." You are patting yourself on the back WAY too hard. Do you think that it's your job that will inspire your kids to "maybe work someday"? What alternative do they have. Well, there are two:
1)live with you without holding a job until marriage- then get married but still don't hold a job even before having kids
2) welfare
Unless they live one of those 2 scenarios- they WILL hold jobs regardless of whether you do or not. That is why I think it's so daft to think your job has anything to do with their future jobs. They have NO ALTERNATIVE but to hold a job unless they are living one of the above 2 scenarios. And you can easily make the 1st scenario impossible by simply not allowing it.
Basically, your kids WILL have jobs regardless of what you do. THAT is why your work status is irrelevant as a role model. They have no choice but to hold jobs or unless you contrive to prevent them from doing so by encouraging them to live at home eternally without ever holding a job.
I really don't mean to be contrarian.
Mondo
I sooo agree. I hope I influence what kind of adults my children become. But I can't imagine that my influence stretches so far as to whether or not they aspire to sah or work when they have children! I'm really hoping to impress on them the importance of education and will hope they go to college and grad school even.
But to presume that I have any influence on how they raise their children is just out of my particular way of thinking. That would go beyond mothering (and falls into the realm of my MIL who still feels for some reason that we need her input on every decision!)
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