WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
1456
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am

Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"

Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.

I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.

Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.

Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.

Sabina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 1:45pm

Which he'd depend on family or hire someone to do. The only way to get money is to make it yourself, marry it or inherit it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 1:46pm

My thoughts on this just congealed, right as I figured out a problem at work LOL.


I think the point is the child must relate to a parent who is independent-minded, period.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 1:49pm

He didn't work.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 1:56pm

Well, there's jobless and jobless.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 2:42pm
Luckily for the 40yo with a family to support, she's not a silly teenage girl with no clue how much things cost. The 40yo will certainly have a lower paying job than her counterpart who climbed up to managment in the intervening years. But one thing she WON'T have to do is learn the lesson of what it takes to make it on her own. She already KNOWS how much things cost and that bills must be paid and what bills there are. These are things a teenage girl doesn't know and won't know until she moves away from home. In order for the 40yo to be unaware of what is needed, she must have allowed her husband to be so utterly in charge of all finances that she never even saw a bill nor ever did any shopping for food or other essentials. (Which probably happens ocassionally, but I doubt it's common in SAHMs.)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 2:53pm

OK. Knowing what it costs is not the same as being able to pay it.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 3:04pm
I'm going to encourage my dds to do what they choose with their lives. If they choose to be sahms, I would hope they had a college degree in case the need or desire to get a job should arise.If they choose to remain single all their lives, that is fine too.~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 3:08pm

Ummm, hello?


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If it is accompanied by other factors, then it, by definition, cannot be doing it "in itself".

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 3:10pm
How would he depend on family when they live 2 hours away? He simply can't hire anyone who will love our kids the way I do or care about the upkeep of our home in the same way. Sorry Felicia, money can't buy everything.~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 3:16pm
A hired housekeeper, whose own livlihood and professional reputation is in part dependant upon not just how she views her work, but how your husband views her work, and how anyone who visits your home views her work, maybe even her supervisor if she's not indepednant, might do a much better job.

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