WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
1456
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am

Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"

Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.

I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.

Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.

Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.

Sabina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 3:18pm
What about childcare though? TBH, the clean home is the least of dh's concerns.~Lisa, who knows she is not replaceable in dh's eyes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 3:36pm
To all:

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 3:38pm
I don't think money can buy everything.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 3:43pm

"No. That work in itself , if accompanied by some other factors, CAN teach the value of work"

If work is accompanied by some other factors, it is most certainly not "work in itself" now is it. I can't believe I'm asking this again, but how is the statement that "work in itself does not teach the value of work" so self-evidently nonsensical?...not work accompanied by some other factors, just "work in itself".

"I read back through your posts, and I don't think you actually did. But others did"

Well, ok I said:

" I am absolutely sure that many mothers are modelling the value of work and independence for their daughters, but I doubt that it is purely because they work (in other words, the act of working in and of itself)...it is much more likely to be the way they work and why they work and what kind of work they do, and I would even go so far as to say the kind of support the father has expressed for the mother's work over the years. This is not a personal comment on you and your family, I am making a general statement. You could well be modelling all of the things I mentioned. "

The last sentence refers directly to you and admits the possibility that you could be modelling the value of work and independence for your children.

"I don't need reassurance. I just made the modest claim that working might teach my daughters something about financial independence. I was just wondering if anyone agreed with me. Some do, some don't."

You mean you wanted to start an entire debate revolving specifically around the question of whether you are teaching your daughters the value of work? Um, ok. I thought you were actually trying to get a discussion going on the general topic of whether being a WOHM has the advantage of teaching girls the value of work and independence. I didn't realise you were aiming for such a narrow discussion.

Ok, here goes. I honestly don't see how anyone on this board could know whether or not your working is teaching your daughters something about independence. I don't know you, no one knows you. The most people can say is that the possibility exists, but it doesn't exist solely as a result of the fact that you work (in other words, it is not the fact that you work, in and of itself). If you are teaching your daughters the value of work and independence, it is most likely because of the way you work, how you present it to them, how it impacts your family...etc. etc. These are things that none of us can know or even guess at. Naturally, the possibility exists....as it does for everyone.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 3:45pm

Well look at it this way. If a sahm came on here (as soooo many trolls have) and said *I know some wohms who dont care about their kids*, wouldnt your response be "yeah well I know some sahms who dont care about their kids either-what does that have to do with woh/sah"


That was the point I was trying to make. Whether or not a person is weak or dependent is a personality flaw-it really has nothing to do with sah/woh. Your implication of *some sahms* was just that-implied generalization. Maybe thats not how you intended it.


Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 3:46pm
I have absolutely no reason to believe my husband views *moi* as any sort of be-all and end-all in the hands-on childcare task doing department. Does yours really? In fact if I were more out of the picture, I'm pretty sure my husband would be feeling some child care stuff was getting done more to his tastes, by a paid provider or nanny. I know I would be. Having another involved adult with authority means I get things done less my way, than I would if I were paying someone. Mind you I do pay someone, and not to do it *my way*. But if I were a *my way* person, I'd have to ditch the husband to get things done more *my way*. Are you saying its not always like that for parents?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 3:55pm
Actually, I agree. I think what fosters independence is living independently. Which is why I've taken such a strong stance that watching mom work DOESN'T teach independence. The only teacher of independence is...living that way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 3:56pm

If work in and of itself is accompanied by other factors, then it is NOT work *in and of itself*.....pretty basic concept.


Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 3:57pm
I would agree that experience is the best and often cruelest, teacher.
Mondo Mom

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 4:01pm

OMG

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

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