WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
1456
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am

Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"

Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.

I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.

Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.

Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.

Sabina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 4:02pm

But thats just reality for most people. If something happened to dh OR I, I would fully expect to have to sell the house and the horses (if I had them-do you have any idea how hideously expensive horses are to keep???). I certainly wouldnt be crying woe is me because I couldnt maintain my standard of living. I'd be happy I had a house to sell, buy a smaller house or condo, and let my kids take ballet lessons at the Y instead of a posh private school.


And she doesnt sound like a great money manager if she couldnt have figured out a way to make that 350k work for her. Our policies are enough to pay off our house if need be (although as I said, chances it would end up being sold). They should have planned better.


Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 4:04pm
Their standard of living went down. And yet, the woman is now independent- albeit at a lower standard of living. I never argued that a woman out of the workforce will make as much as one who is continuously in it. My argument all along has been that watching mom work is irrelevent to teaching a daighter independence. Living w/o parents is what does that. It is quite possible to be independent and have a lower standard of living than one had previously. If you look through this thread, I have never claimed that a divorced or widowed woman will be guarenteed her previous standard of living. Simply, that she CAN be independent (albeit with no horse, ballet lessons, or large house) because the way one learns to be independent is by BEING independent, not by watching other people. Single mothers everywhere DO make it, no matter whether their own moms were SAHMS or WOHMS.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 4:14pm

That, and she couldn't make do on a $350K life insurance policy.

My DH's life insurance policy is less than that, and I wouldn't have to sell our house.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 4:17pm
Don't you think that going from $128,000 of income to $18,000/$37,000 of income and leaving your home just a few months after your father dies unexpectedly is a trauma to be avoided?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 4:18pm
You don't think having to sell your home and downsize is a big deal?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 4:20pm
Single moms do make it work, but at what cost?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 4:20pm

PNJ, I've been supporting myself since age 17. I moved out on my own when I was a Junior in high school. No matter what happens, I know I'll always be able to support myself. And I've made damn sure that if I ever have to go back to FT corporate, I'll be making a very comfortable salary -- enough so DS and I could keep our standard of living.

mom_writer

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 4:24pm

Did the article say why she couldn't make it on the insurance policy? And how much did they owe on the house? How big was it? If downsizing meant going from McMansion to a smallish ranch, and that is considered a negative, well, I guess I live in a different type of world. I would be happy my kids *had* a home.

mom_writer

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 4:25pm

Where did the insurance money go? Couldn't she have paid off the house? and then with no mortgage payment, 37K should be pretty good, especially if there are no longer horses to care for ... Not to mention SSI survivor benefits.


There were more issues here than just her ability to earn only $37K.


Sometimes its the *previous* life that is unrealistic rather than the new one.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 4:26pm
Downsize from what, exactly? Do you really think it's bad that the kids have to give up the horse???? Do you know how much money it costs to maintain a horse???

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