WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
WOH/Kids/Feminism: WDYT?
1456
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:06am

Okay, let's debate something else. One morning a few months ago, I was crabby to DH about having to get ready for work. DH said, "Well, if you don't want to go to work, quit!"

Later that day, I told him I was just venting, and then I told him some of the reasons I really do like WOH. One reason was something to the effect that I wanted to WOH as part of at-home feminism for our DD's. He said he had no idea what I was talking about.

I thought about it some and decided that although this is a heartfelt idea for me, it's still fuzzy. I suppose I meant that I want to show my DDs how to live independently of a man, in the sense of income, ability to make one's way in the world, and so on, even if they choose marriage & kids. My feelings of pride in my own mom, who was a WOH mom, come into it, too.

Caution: I don't mean in any way to suggest anything the least bit negative about SAH moms. That's not what this is about. Nor do I mean to suggest that anyone has to WOH to teach their kids feminist or gender neutral values. That's not what this is about, either.

Do you think there's any value in WOH as part of raising kids? Please help me clarify my thinking.

Sabina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 5:10pm
Well, I didn't put in the "in itself". That came from another poster. I was quoting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 5:10pm

She was featured because she stated that she was taken care of like Cinderella - very little financial knowledge.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 5:11pm

No, I picked a house that I could afford alone. I also worked, though, while he was sick so I could have money saved as a cushion for his death. I thought it would be more traumatic to have me go back to work (not to mention the stress of finding a job) after his death than it would be for me to always be working.


My situation was quite unique since I knew he was going to die and planned accordingly but I never would have been comfortable not working. The couple of months I tried, I was a nervous wreck so I can see PNJ's point here.


I have said before that the decision to work after children is like a roadblock on The Amazing Race. Each choice has its own pros and cons...working-you have less time with your kids, you have to trust your childcare provider and you have to learn to find balance. Staying home--keeping your skills up, working without a break all day (with small children), trying to go to the bathroom alone and, in case of divorce/death (without aedquate life insurance) trying to find a family supporting job when you have not worked for years in the midst of great emotional trauma. I think you can not downplay that fact of staying home unless you are independently wealthy....

"I have never even had a cross word with a deer"


"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 5:13pm
Thank you. You seem to understand now. I was making a modest point about working, that's all. I didn't intend it to come to over 350 posts. I'm not sure why it did. My OP was quite clear. Maybe people just read what they expect to read and not what's actually there to read. I don't know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 5:16pm

But when you quoted it, you indicated you agreed with it. If you didn't *mean* "in itself" then don't use it!


You've GOT to learn to say what you mean!

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 5:17pm

Yes.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 5:18pm
But WOH FT would not have prevented that trauma. Bad financial planners are bad financial planners, no matter their income level. People that live well beyond their means on

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 5:19pm

***...to not work at all does seem like a waste of an education.***

I suppose if one views an education as a means to an end (career) then it *would* seem that way... However, an education has immense value in and of itself, for no other purpose than to allow one to *be* an educated individual. MHO.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 5:19pm

Susannah! You promised to dog me throughout this thread, and I was afraid you had abandoned it. My MIL has never worked a day in her life. She's not on welfare, nor does she live with her mother. She's almost 80 years old.

My sister in law is 35. She's never worked either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 5:20pm

<,I didn't intend it to come to over 350 posts. I'm not sure why it did.>>


You haven't been around long enough. Someone can start a thread about a guy picking his nose on the subway and it will turn into 1000 posts. Someone can start a thread about violence in schools and it will be 5 threads. Someone can start a thread about child abuse and it will be 750 posts. The length and intensity of the thread really doens't correlate to the seriousness of the issue. Its the tangents that come off of OPs that become so interesting.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

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